Cheating friend / trickle truthing

[Wonderwall9887]

I have an old friend who when drunk on FaceTime / reminiscing told me he thinks cheating is ok if you’re not married. He is married and works away a lot - I
am horrified but I am assuming he must have cheated on his wife before they got married (3 years) and with that attitude probably cheating when working away. They have a child together and live abroad.
This is a mental view of fidelity isn’t it?! I just can’t get my head around it. I know she has no idea he thinks this. Would I be unreasonable to block him? I’m just not sure I want to be mates
allbeit long distance with someone like that. he always had loads of female friends I’m wondering if he is a bit of a narcissist as I’m getting older.

I can’t see how I’d ever find myself having conversations on FaceTime with someone else’s husband, where we’d be discussing infidelity. Even a “mate”. Perhaps we’d discuss these kinds of issues broadly at the pub in a larger group, but don’t think I’d ever put myself in the position of having a such an emotionally intimate conversation in that setting.

Everyone’s boundaries seem a bit off.

What on earth is tickle truthing?

I think you’re bang on -it got a bit weird and made me uncomfortable. I think there have always had emotionally blurred boundaries with us when we were younger. Has been very much yearly catch ups sort of thing but he’s been reaching out more lately. I can’t remember how we got onto it but it was a bit of a throwaway comment but I was shocked.

Completely agree and the only time I've ever really had this conversation with a (female) friend was when I was trying to get my head around a story I had heard about a friend of a friend. Unless you are thinking about cheating or specifically have a reason to be talking about it, I find it rarely, if ever, comes up.

What is tickle truthing, please?

Trickle - so truth comes out bit by bit

I googled trickle truthing and apparently it refers to when someone ‘gradually’ admits to something they’ve done. I’m assuming OP thinks because he’s brought up that cheating pre marriage is OK, he’s trying to set the scene to soon admit that he cheated on his wife before they got married, and that OP shouldn’t be so shocked and disgusted when she hears this because he’s already said he thinks it’s acceptable to do that.

OP I wouldn’t give this any space or delve into internet terms like ‘trickle truthing’ and being toxic/a narcissist/etc etc. You have no need to be on FaceTime drunk with this man, listening to him spill his secrets. That’s weird. Just put a stop to it and tell him to grow up. I don’t see why you’d need to block him, is he always messaging you or something?

Hmm. Is he just expressing himself badly? Cheating is obviously not ok but it is very clearcut when married ( ie you stood up in front of witnesses and promised not to do it) whereas is a girlfriend/ boyfriend situation it's obviously not great but you may or may not have promised each other you wouldn't..... Irrespective it's a bit weird he brought it up. Morally it's not ok and it's right that it makes you uncomfortable.