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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Child drop off/pick ups

3 replies

Clmtrrt · 10/04/2025 13:57

TW - gaslighting.

Advice please!

My ex moved 1-1.5 hrs away (to live with family) and so far we have been sharing pick up and drop off for our son.

I have decided that I no longer want to share the responsibility, as I am now working and take all responsibility for our son (11 months old).

He has him overnight once a week 12pm-6pm the next day, however I bathe him, do all night feeds, nursery runs, hospital apps, buying of clothes, toys, washing, food etc and I am only on a part time wage.

I have to pack his bag for his dads with clothes, toys, nappies, wipes etc to take with him.

He does give me money for him, but I literally drop him off and all he has to do is entertain him and feed him then give him back. Sometimes I have been stuck on the m25 and spent anywhere between 3-6 hours doing the round trip on my day off having my son, whereas he has the whole week and part of his weekend to do whatever he wants.

Am I being reasonable that I ask him to do both drop off and pick up?
I suggested it and he started gaslighting me and making me feel guilty, then said he will only have him every other weekend now.
He also said that surely I should have weighed all this up before deciding to keep our son....

P.s we are currently going through family court to try and set a schedule because he was emotionally abusive towards me during our relationship and on occasion cancelled our son or messed up timings when we argued

OP posts:
Rainingalldayonmyhead · 10/04/2025 13:59

No you aren’t being unreasonable. If he wants to see his son he will get him and bring him home. If your arrangement was 50/50 then I would say share the drop offs/pick ups but until then he needs to step up more.

LIZS · 10/04/2025 14:34

Tbh I don’t think a 11 mo should be required to do that trip regularly, let alone you take him. Is the contact formalised?

Clmtrrt · 10/04/2025 14:44

LIZS · 10/04/2025 14:34

Tbh I don’t think a 11 mo should be required to do that trip regularly, let alone you take him. Is the contact formalised?

Edited

Nothing formalised. Im sole caregiver.
He usually sleeps for the journey he isnt fussed by it

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