AIBU to be disappointed?

[whatstheproblemguys]

This Past year has been full of changes for our family. DH decided he needed a career change and applied to go into teaching, so went from earning a fairly decent salary in sales in the private sector, to trainee teacher wage.
To support him and the household finances, I went back to work full time to make the money up (also a teacher but was part time as youngest wasn’t yet in school. She’s now in school as of September).
I’m still doing all the housework related stuff I was doing as part time. All the cooking, cleaning, laundry, general house admin.
DH has moaned the whole time he’s been doing teacher training. Main moans are that he left the private sector for better hours but is working most of the evening and doesn’t want to be. I’d already explained that this was the life a of a trainee teacher before he started, and basically what you sacrifice for school holidays (that we still work a lot of, but at your own pace).
Since he started teacher training, he’s made no effort to acknowledge the ‘holidays’ (he wasn’t great before this but I often got a card at least). By this, I mean my birthday was ignored, didn’t get me anything for Christmas, nothing for valentines, Mother’s Day and today is our 10 year anniversary and he hasn’t bothered. He was never great before that, just doesn’t seem to see the point in celebrating things, typically moaning that he never had time of arrange anything because he was working full time and I was part time, so I was able to sort stuff. I’m now full time and have acknowledged all events with gifts and cards, plus doing everything else around the house, all the house andmin and everything for the kids. Plus, we are all currently on Easter holidays, so he has had 6 days to go and get me a card. Most of it he’s spent on the computer playing games.
I’m not expecting diamonds and expensive gifts. I would be delighted with a card, some flowers and maybe something small to open.
My mum even offered to have the kids today, so that we could go out for our 10 year anniversary, so I asked him to come up with something. He hasn’t bothered with a plan, so I told her not to bother.
We go through spurts where things feel good but I can’t shake that I feel totally unappreciated and when I bring it up, it’s me that’s unreasonable for feeling like this.
So AIBU?

um, no, YANBU. What a whiney, lazy, entitled shithead. What's he going to do when he's actually teaching and finds out that it's hard? Suggest you stop doing anything for him at all - no laundry, cooking, etc. if he's got time to play video games, he's got time to contribute his share to your lives. Hopefully you're not paying for his toys too? All this would give me permanent ick.

He sounds a little immature or is he just a dreamer? Surely, if you are a teacher, he knows it's not 9 to 3 and that's it. Why did he want to change? I have just spent the morning vacuuming and dusting as I'm retired and !y wife still works part time, before retirement I worked 70+ hours a week and my wife cleaned etc...it's only fair to share jobs based on time available.

Well this was my point before he started. It’s not an 8-4 job, it’s hard work! But he said he could do it, so I left him to it. Now he doesn’t like it and isn’t even sure if he wants to stay in teaching after the training year.

No I don’t spend anything on his gaming, but he doesn’t really either. He has a computer (no PlayStation or anything) and doesn’t pay subscriptions or anything, just plays a few quite specific and not popular games. He just spends hours on them.

Basically, therefore, he's dropped way down in salary and you're working even harder - and he's probably not going to work as a teacher at the end of this year. He knew (because you're a teacher) what it was going to be like but still went ahead and did it and now is complaining because - surprise, surprise - it's bloody HARD.

Has he always been a dick?

He is taking the piss

I’ve been trying to work that out over the last few years. He was doing well in his last job, the company were sad to see him go but it was a small company and was bought by a new owner that he couldn’t stand. He applied for a number of jobs in the same field but didn’t get anything, so decided teaching would be good as he would get the school holidays with us (we have 2 young children, 8 and 4). He just didn’t think he’d have to work as hard as I do, even though I told him numerous times that he would (I’m middle leadership). I genuinely think he just doesn’t enjoy working (if we could all choose not to go to work, I’m sure we would, but we like to be able to do fun things, and need money to do that!!), or hasn’t found his ‘thing’ I don’t know.
The couple of things he does do, is mow the grass and trim the bushes at the front of the house. But that isn’t often.

He sounds gross, sorry.

It's so disrespectful to you. He clearly thought your claims about working hard were delusion on your part. He still thinks house work is beneath him.

He's a lazy shit.

He doesn't appreciate you or respect you and frankly you'd probably be happier without him.

I think you need to sit him down and discuss life admin and chores for starters. You shouldn’t be doing the lions share of housework and chores whilst you are both working ft. If he’s got time to game he’s got time to be an adult and his fair share

As for his whinging, we all moan about work but he needs to suck it up or change. I’d have run out of sympathy for him and his moaning.