Suicidal

[Sugarbabewales]

I had a stroke May 24, blood clot right side, I have terrible depression.
I can walk slowly with an aid stick, only maybe 20 steps I'm not strong enough .
My left arm is weak.
I'm very forgetful.
I have gone from out going lots of friends a social life bubbly happy.
I do try to look on the bright side.

I'm 59, daughter lives next door with my 3 grandchildren, they are my world.

It's about what I can do, not what I can't.

I don't dwell I go out once a week with 2 friends that have had strokes, we visit a local support group cake and a cuppa chat meet people it's great.

I live with the man I should not have married, hate to call him my husband.
We been separated a long long time, not devorced, as Solicitor put me off, more interested in me getting my half of everything.
So that's been left, also I'm scared of losing the house .

I am. On the council house list, a long wait shortage of housing.

Of course now I need accommodation that fits my disability.

Call him hubs then, he works full time, he does support me, takes me shopping .
He does cooking washing all that I find difficult.

Cut to the chase, it's never been so bad, I have bought rails for the walls, grips.
Wheelchair.
All things I need.
It's a year in May, he hasn't drilled anything for me.
He's not great at DIY.
He won't attempt it .

Yes OT would sort it but I was hoping hubbs could do simple jobs.

I have no stair lift, to go up and shower, I depend on my daughters wet room next door, she don't mind. She does my hair .

Hubs loves rock bands and gigs.
I used to love it to, but not interested any more.

He goes often with his brother, that's great he needs his life.

But wish he would help me too.

Passed few months, he's changed.
Because I'm down stairs sleeping, I'm fanatical about my doors locked.

Life is hard for me.
He goes up to bed, leaves lights on down stairs, doors not locked.
I keep on to him I nag he forgets to lock my doors.

My anxiety is through the roof.
Is he doing it on purpose.

Every day I'm crying, as he is doing things.
A bottle of Pepsi, I can't open jars or bottles.

He puts them away, I ask please open the bottles to help me.
Nope he forgets.

He is on his phone constantly.

He doesnt take his phone upstairs leaves it down stairs.
Well he did last night, he closes his bedroom door.
I have mentioned dont close the bedroom door in case I need you, I can shout up.

So last night I was ill, vomitting, sweating sore throat not feeling too good.
I rang his phone 6 times

no answer, thought he keep it by his side.
I called up the stairs no answer.

Looked, phone on living. room table.

I was sobbing he heard me as I was screaming.

He is making my life hell, I talk to him, he answers Mmmm yeah.

Often I ask a question, he ignores me, I'm waiting for an answer, he says I did answer you.
Knowing he didn't.
That drives me mad.

He is loving hurting me.
I'm not coping at all at the moment.

I dread him coming home from work.
He would never hit me, it's mental abuse.

I like him going for a pint I encourage it.

He deserves it he works hard.

Thing is I'd leave him now, I could move in with my mum, but it's too late I'm disabled to leave now.

I'm stuck no help, this is it, laying on my bed.reading books.

I do try to do bits here and there.

I bought a small mobility scooter last week, a bit of freedom, no confidence to go far.need some one with me at the moment.

Basically he's upstairs I'm down, nothing left of the marriage not been for years.

Now I'm like this I'm a burden.

I'm crying daily don't want to be here, yes I have been to see my GP.
talking is good.

I'm on medication it's not helping at all.

There that's my huge rant, I need to go in to a home, with a warden for help.

I'm on the housecso I'm not homeless.

I need carer's to help.
Proper care.

My daughter helps a lot.

She knows what her dad is like, she don't get involved .

I'm lonely, swimming cooking, going out has gone.

I'm so greatful I'm alive, I love my grandchildren.

Hubby just don't think. I thought I'd be better by now, and be OK.

Sadly this is my life now, I don't want much in life just please wish he make my life. Easier .
Thanks for reading .

I’m sorry things are so hard for you.

Your H will not help, and you have to accept this.

You are two separate people in the same house.

You have to make this crystal clear to social services and other services. Make crystal clear you get no help from him so they provide the help you need. Get OT to put the rails up for a start. Social services are stretched and they will always provide less if they think there is a spouse to pick up the care needs. So make sure they do not assume this.

Also make clear to social services you are isolated. Again make clear your H does not provide company as you are separated. See if they can give support with this too.

I hope you can get the help you need.

You need to act as though he doesn't exist and plan accordingly. For example, there are implements you can buy to make opening bottles and jars easier.

Contact social services and get a needs assessment including occupational therapy. You say you attend a support group, see what help they can offer. There are charities that may be able to assist.

You need to get your medication adjusted if it's not working. You should contact your Dr and get the ball rolling. You might find counselling helpful.

You can contact your local domestic abuse organisation for advice regarding your husband.

Thanks all, I have had a bad few days Chest infection, coughing feel awful.
It's little things set me off.
I'm better today was calm, we were getting me out the house I sat in the car, all ready to go, I asked him please go get me a toilet roll, I wanted it for my nose .
He looked at me and asked What for? I ask a question he always answers with a question.
I asked what do you think I want it for, he then said I don't know, I was now raging.
I wanted my answer, why do youvthink I need it, couldn't he have just got it for me, I'm weak I don't need all this, 8 times I asked him then I smashed his windscreen with my stick.
I feelcawful everything is hard work please give me a simple life.

He then said his answer. Why do I need it he said wait for it.... for the toilet.

He thought I was taking a shit on the grass .

No he didn't but he just couldn't think I have a cold .
He thought toilet roll toilet needs, couldn't he just have got it for me make life simple.

My mind Is awful, I can't think I can't remember things.

I'm so depressed no one can see it no one around me.

I need help, where do I go, gp put me on tablets years ago, no good Citropram.
I'm not coping, I am hard work I know that I feel sorry for him.

He is just not helping, I'm afraid to ask him things.
I feel I need to explain everything, just put the toilet roll on my lap quick go get it, no questions just get it.

It's with everything, please I have asked don't answer with a question , maybe it's me I'm passed caring.

Maybe it's me suppose.

I'm going to my GP Monday I have to, I always suffered depression not too bad but it's in the family, I'm in no means sad miserable, I went out with my friend a few weeks ago, I was life and soul, I didn't want to be there didn't want to spoil her evening.

I can put on a good act, smile laugh , I'm boring my self now on this subject.

I was always the helper , out visiting my neighbours all elderly, shopped talked to them give them my time, now I can't do that.

You can be depressed , but this passed few months I know what it is.

I'm so nasty don't have time for people, small talk.

Thanks for being there for me.

GP Monday see how it goes. Love to you all xxx

I can see now lots recon I'm being unreasonable.
Maybe the kick up the arse I needed.

You smashed his windscreen with your stick??

He's abusive i lost it, some one knocked my door a few nights ago I couldn't get up quick enough for me to answer I got up , there was a 2nd knock , he was Sitting by me and looked at me asked shallni answer it.

He's playing a game, mind games by time I got to the door they had gone.

I have had a stroke I'm depressed, yes in the car today, I asked himnplease go and bring me a toilet roll out, he stood out the car door, asked what do you want it for, I had to explain why I wanted it, I was sneezing bad,why the question just get it for me.

I was home 2 days from hospital , when he had a weekend away in London with his brother.
It was all new to me, he put drinks on the cupboard by my bed pastys yogurts in my fridge.
Left me to get on with it, in bed 3 days.

I managed yes I was fine, I know what his priorities are, he has done this a few times since I want him to live his life why not.

But please have a bit of consideration for my condition.
Yes I hit his wind screen with my stick, was sorry after it, it's all sorted and paid for by me, I apologised for my spur of the moment lash out.

He also apologised for getting it for me without, asking questions, live and learn it's been a hard few days.

I'm sorry, that all sounds really hard to be coping with.

Can I ask what you had been hoping for when you originally spoke to a solicitor about divorce? It's their job to ensure a fair financial agreement and why wouldn't you want what you're entitled to?

Would sheltered housing/assisted living with professional help be an option for you? Somewhere you would have independence but safety?

Does your daughter know how much you are struggling? I'm sure she'dl want to help you

I get that you are struggling but why are you relying on him still? He evidently and blatantly is not going to support you.