To struggle to find the courage tk leave

[Frustratedmumpleasehelp]

I can’t sleep.
Im a mum of young kids and work part time.
my 13 year relationship has been toxic for a while due to partners addiction issues (never admits to this, always says I’m hypercritical and the issue).
Ive been slut shamed, gaslit, stone walled, love bombed and he just will not change or get help or support. He is anxiously attached but so vile and abusive to me. Only verbal but can see his anger increasing.
The past week has escalated rapidly and the level of verbal abuse is intolerable. Yet in scared to leave and make that just to be a single mum (I am in all bar label already.)
can someone please talk sense into me about why this is the RIGHT and best decision for my children (so little they don’t see him what what he is yet and just think of him as great dad).
thank you

Of course it's the right thing.

If your children are boys you don't want them to grow up thinking that that's an acceptable way to behave in a relationship.

If your children are girls you cannot let them see you be treated like that and think that that's the way relationships are.

You take them away before he starts to turn on them.

You leave him before you become a shell of yourself not capable of being the best mother you can be.

You leave before the kids have the trauma of seeing their mum physically attacked by their father or worse.

Most of all you leave so that you and the DCs have a peaceful life free of fear, anger and abuse.

You will know if it is the right thing.
It sounds intolerable. Trust your instincts.

My wife was raised by a toxic parent. The damage it has done to her is untold. Get out as soon as you can to protect the children.

You’ve said it yourself. You’re already a single mum in all but label. Moving on will actually make your life easier and happier, and you get to pass the benefits of that onto your kids.

Good luck. Hope all goes as smoothly as it possibly can. xx

FWIW I loved being a single mum. The freedom away from my abusive alcoholic ex husband was a relief like no other.

I lived in a 1 bedroom flat with 2 DC but I was so happy. I was so at peace.

Now is the right time to leave. You deserve better. Your children deserve better

Don’t wait another 13 years like I did. I put up with abuse for 26 years, now my children and I are in therapy, husband was arrested as I finally snapped and reported the abuse to the police online. Do it, they will help you and put you in touch with many services who do and will help you. You will be priority for housing in your local area as well. It’s very frightening and stressful but you can do it. Please do it for your children, I ruined mine, I left it too late. Xx

Thank you everyone.
it is very stressful.
I don’t think I’m entitled to much support from the council in terms of housing as we have a mortgage but can’t afford it on my own x

Do everything you can for the moment without alerting him to your plans.

See a solicitor, find out about potential financial situation, make sure you know where all the money is, look up the legal stuff etc - wikivorce is a good website.

None of this means that you have to split, but knowledge is power and this may help you see what the future could be and help you decide to do this sooner rather than never.

I’ve been in this situation and I wished I had done this.

We are not married and there is no money. He is in debt. Hence, why we are not married.

You are correct about housing, although they will temporarily house you whilst you wait for the house sale (get a solicitor).
I got a non molestation and occupation order. I’m lucky in that I can cover the mortgage but if you can’t universal credit offer a mortgage interest payment loan.
The National Centre for Domestic Violence ncdv.org.uk can help you with the non mol and occupation order and court the fee is free for these.
Juno are a fantastic help also. Take a look on junowomensaid.org.uk Xx

Thank you everyone.
a non molestation order would not work with this man. I have to be careful.
why is my gut telling me stay?

Contact women’s aid for support.

Look up trauma bonding. Get in touch with your nearest Women's Refuge.
Speak to your GP about your situation that you and your children are in. You will escape from this horrible situation, but need to be very careful about how you do it.
Good luck.