Sober hen do ?

[happy20218]

Hi all I am going on a hen do with a group of girls I don’t know that well . I’m good friends with the hen & they all seem lovely from the brief meets at bday party’s etc. bride is 40ish friends range from 30-60 , I am 2 and a half years sober and I feel absolutely fine going abroad and being around people drinking , one of the plans is a beach club . Do you think I would be okay to go on the hen and just politely remove myself from that one day . I just don’t feel comfortable as I haven’t ever been to a beach club day but I imagine it’s very boozy and as I’m someone who suffers with anxiety in busy places I just don’t think I’ll enjoy myself at all . Or do I go and just get on with it . I’ll obviously join in with everything else . I don’t want to upset the bride but I also do take my sobriety really seriously. Do you think I’ll get a negative reaction from the group ? Xx

Where are you going? Won’t the whole hen be boozy?

I would prioritise maintaining my sobriety. Decent folks will understand this.

@yeeshI think it will be a mix . It’s not the booze as such it’s just the whole day I’m dreading 😩 I just don’t know if I’ll stand out like a sore thumb in somewhere like that if I’m not drinking . It’s hard to put it into words but it’s the only part of the trip I’m not looking forward to .

I think it would be fine excusing yourself from one thing if you’re joining in the rest. I’d explain why to the bride, but if you’re good enough friends to be going on her hen do I’d expect her to understand.

Congrats in your sobriety, any good friend (or reasonable person) would understand and not be offended for you not wanting to attend.

Attend the bits you want to and take a rain check if it gets too much. You're taking the time and effort to attend but need to protect your needs at all costs.

This. Can you drinking some sparkling water in a wine glass with lime to feel less conspicuous (sorry if this is a stupid suggestion!), I'd just jave a chat with the bride? If she's normal I'm sure she'll understand

By the time you all get the flight or whatever transport most of the group will have already had a few drinks, when everyone is going to the beach club you should do something else like go to the local town for shopping or a cafe. No one will bat an eyelid. If comfortable, tell the bride before you go on the hens that you won't be at that part of the event but you'll be at the rest. She'll understand.

I think it's fine to bow out of one part and protecting your sobriety is important - just privately let the bride know what's going on if you choose that and everyone else can just be told that you have a sun and travel-induced headache.

But I do think you might be overblowing the idea of a beach club and anyone noticing you aren't drinking alcohol. These are usually just beach areas with casual eats/drinks, lounge chairs, and maybe some music and/or a pool. Usually if you relax in a chair with a sparkling water or lemonade chatting with your friends you'll look just like everyone else. Given the other guests aren't uni-aged there will almost certainly be others who are carefully pacing themselves and mixing in plenty of non-alcoholic drinks to avoid a horrid sun + booze headache.

Maybe tell yourself that bowing out is an option so that you know you have an out (that always helps me with anxiety) but don't make a decision just yet.

I agree with @GravyBoatWars. I’ve been to a couple of Beach clubs and wouldn’t have noticed someone not drinking. You just lounge, chat, swim, eat, people watch, lounge again. Personally I’d find it easier not drinking there than on a night out, but as PP’s have said, it’s up to you and what you feel most comfortable with if your sobriety is something you’re actively working on (rather than simply a choice to not drink).

Thank you so much everyone . There is some really good advice here . Unknown situations are probably making me overthink and also plan exit routes lol xx

Just to add OP, the beach club I’ve been to is Niki Beach in Majorca so one of the big names. On a busy day in the summer season the people watching was amazing. I’ve never seen anything like it. It would be quite easy to get a comfy seat and a lemonade and just giggle / goggle at the rampant shows of madness. Hope you have a great time whatever you decide!

Firstly I’d be very surprised if someone is not pregnant, because someone always is on these things. Quite often trying to hide it too. I had two pre 12 weekers on my hen and they ganged up and became drinks organisers. Collected the cash, went to the bar, did the ordering. No one including me knew they were stone cold sober all evening.

Are you open about your sobriety? If you are then that’s a straight chat with the group that they need to respect your boundaries. Drunk people will forget you are sober but a) you will leave if harassed and b) you are not signing up to be the responsible adult.

if you don’t want to share your personal life then as above but allergy to alcohol/ transplant patient/ stomach ulcer/ diabetic. No disrespect to people who have these conditions but it is just tiresome to have to explain yourself when you can’t drink in a culture that is heavy drinking.

When I was subsequently pregnant but too early to share I just told close friends it was a decision as we were struggling to conceive. They all backed right off and never said a word on a number of very boozy evenings.

either way. Manage expectations that you may head away early.

Only you know how you’ll feel, and your sobriety is the most important thing. That said, i’m not a big drinker and i’d happily find myself a comfy lounger and work my way through the mocktail menu, so I don’t think you have to stick out if you don’t want to?

From my experience, beach clubs aren't particularly boozy. More 'chill out' vibes.

Whatever the situation, though, you've got to do what you feel comfortable with. Decent people will understand and those that don't, well, fuck em! 🤷‍♀️

Where are you going @happy20218 - I’m not long back from Asia and “beach club” just meant really nice beach place with sun loungers etc. It wasn’t particularly boozy - more take it or leave it. I’m massively cutting down my drinking after some problem years but I decided to have one cocktail and I genuinely don’t think there was any alcohol in it! The days of overflowing booze in drinks are over.

so I think you’re maybe over thinking this part - but at the end of the day, your sobriety is really important and I’d prioritise that x