DH and I have just had a bad argument and he’s making out that I’m equally to blame. I feel like I’m going crazy.
We have DS6 and DS3. I worked today and DH looked after them today. DS3 can feed himself with a spoon but often chooses not to, and we end up feeding him.
On to today. DH told me this afternoon that DS cannot feed himself, because he refused to feed himself today (turns out it was something he didn’t want to eat). I said he can feed himself, we have seen him do it, and he will often feed himself when I am doing lunch with him, DH has seen him do it and has praised him for it. DH was adamant that no that’s not true, DS cannot feed himself. This just kept going back and forth. I got angry that he wouldn’t believe me and swore. I think I said something like “for f’s sake aren’t you listening to me, he can feed himself!!” DH got angry and punched a kitchen cupboard so hard that buttons stuck to children’s art work which were on the cupboard fell off. He really scared me.
I told DH to go out for a walk and calm down, he refused saying that it’s his house. I said I would call the police and he still refused. I was scared and sent the children upstairs to stay there, he tried to follow them and said he had a right to access his own children. We went into our bedroom and locked the door, but he kept trying to get in saying it’s his house and his children too, pushing against the door and unlocking it from the outside, and putting his foot in the way so I couldn’t shut it. So I sent the children downstairs into the living room and went with them, and put a chair in front of the living room door so he couldn’t get in, and turned the TV on for them. He kept trying to come in and kept saying not to do this, I am making things worse, it’s his house, he has a right to the children, I’m breaking up the family etc. Eventually I let him in and he apologised to the children and said none of us need to be scared of him and he wouldn’t hurt us. Then he asked them if I also apologised to them for swearing in their earshot.
Then he sat in the living room with us. I asked him to go somewhere else as I felt uncomfortable and he refused, saying it’s his house too and his children and he has a right to sit where he wants. I told him that’s very selfish to sit there knowing I don’t want him there, and he said I’m the selfish one trying to keep him away.
He’s telling me punching the cupboard door is no worse than me saying “for f’s sake”, that it’s no more violent or aggressive than what I said, and that it’s my fault for him reacting that way because I swore, and I did it on purpose to goad him.
Please tell me I didn’t overreact and his behaviour is not normal.