To dislike these kinds of rewards for young children?

[cocomademoisell3]

My DD aged 4 (in reception) has been attending an Easter Holiday Club where they do dance, sport, trampolining etc, children of all ages from 4-11. at the end of every day they gather all the kids and have an awards ceremony where some kids get their names called out and get a prize (Easter eggs) for doing well, and everyone claps. There are about 100 kids in total split into small classes, and they announce the winners over a loud speaker. Usually its about 4/5 children from each class, for things like “well done Asha for being a fantastic leader today”, or “well done James for your wonderful smiling all day” etc etc. The parents are waiting to pick up standing at the back of the hall so I hear it each day and listen out for DD’s name, but she hasn’t had an award yet.

My DD came out with tears in her eyes both days this week asking why she hasn’t been given a prize. She said “but I’ve worked really hard and been a good friend”. I’ve tried to explain in various different ways but she’s 4 and it’s not easy to understand. This morning she didn’t want go because she was worried about the awards ceremony. She’s not an anxious child.

So until recently I was a secondary teacher and do understand kids have to learn that you don’t always get picked for stuff, etc etc. But even so AIBU to think it’s not a great way of managing this for reception kids? They are too young to understand and the whole set up is actually demotivating?

Or am I being a “snowflake” parent?

I wouldn't accuse you of being a snowflake parent, it's hard to see our children upset, but I do think at four she is actually old enough to understand that working really hard and being a good friend each have their own rewards in life and don't need recognition from others and that the whole thing is just a load of nonsense!! I have no problem and explaining things like everyone will get an award over the period of the holiday camp/term/whatever and it's just a way of encouraging children who need external validation and can't see the advantages of working hard and being a good friend!!

i'd stop short of explaining that the naughty kids get more rewards because they're so really good... that when they are, it's more noticeable and the teachers want to encourage them to behave🤣🤣

Yeah you’re going to have to do some work with her I’m afraid around these ‘prizes’. Unfortunately teachers have their favourites and will regularly pick them for these extra treats.
with my DC I didn’t want to believe this but noticed a trend. One year I recorded the regular prize receivers and you would be shocked. None of my DC fitted the favourite child demographic and received little to no recognition at school.

you’ll find middle of the road kids rarely do, as PP mentioned naughty kids who manage an hour not telling the teacher to fuck off are praised beyond measure along with the teachers pet - read as bratty precocious forward kids.
i suppose the silver lining is I’d rather live with my unrewarded pleasant DC than any of the ‘prized’ kids.

Talk to the holiday club about how it works. I guess any kind of club is competitive in this nature, unlike school (or at least primary) where everyone gets to be star of the day/week (teachers go through the register and make sure everyone is selected at least once).
It may be the sports club do have a similar system, and maybe your daughter will get selected at some point.

Normally these types of prizes are for standing out in a positive or negative way.

My daughters attended ballet fun classes outside of school, they were in 3 different age groups and each class had a mixture of children paid for by parents and some funded places. 100 percent of the prizes went towards the funded places along with all of the main parts in the production.

Yes it’s awful to see them upset. I was picking up my niece’s DC from school and the teacher had created some kind of prize except none of the kids understood what it was about. Cue multiple children in tears and others thinking they couldn’t participate in a school trip because they hadn’t won the prize. I don’t know if it would help leaving prizes til when they’re a bit older and can understand more.

When DS was little, he was always overlooked for these sort of things. I remember him sitting in the bath aged 4 telling me he was going to work extra hard to be star of the week, after the ‘naughty kid’ got it before him. I tried explaining that in a nicer way that it didn’t matter how hard he tried, he’d get picked at random eventually but a 4 year old can’t understand that 🙈.

I agree with you that these are unnecessary and do more harm than good.

I remember when ds was 4 he went to a football club one afternoon and worked his socks off for the 45mins, running etc. In fact, he's turned out to be a v talented player. Anyway he absolutely loved it but it was ruined by them saying they'd give a trophy to player of the week - and gave it to the goalie who'd come to the club even tho he'd had a sore leg! Of course we adults understand why this child got it, or why whoever else might have got it because they were also playing well etc. But ds, highly competitive lol, was distraught and the well meaning coach said if he tried his best next time, he might get it! He had tried his best! And that's the issue. Your dad is giving her all so doesn't understand why she's not getting the recognition. That day at football (in 2016 😆) if the coach had given them all a high five, ds would have come home thrilled. Instead he was upset needlessly. It's a constant comparison which just isn't helpful. Now he's 13, thankfully he isn't invested in these things anymore.

I agree with you OP. If rewards are given for such tenuous reasons as smiling, then every kid who smiles should get one. It's shitty to do otherwise.

If they were given for something more objective, like best at trampolining, then other kids would understand that not everyone is going to receive that.

It is only Wednesday. So even if they're planning on giving every child one reward over the week, only 60% will have had one.

Ask the teacher what she can do to win one tomorrow when you drop off, because she's working really hard for one. They'll probably either tell you that they'll all get one over the week, or note to themselves that she's working hard.

I don't like prizes of this sort. I volunteer in a primary school, and sometimes I'm asked to choose a child to give a sticker to. I don't like having to do this, especially as I don't know the children as well as their teacher does; and for all I know, I'm giving them to the children who always get stickers. I tried to give them to the quiet ones, if I could.

Fortunately, when I was at primary, they didn't do this much. But I was annoyed when in year 11, I won a prize for "progress". It meant that the whole school knew I wasn't doing well before. Ironically, a debating prize was awarded to the team who proposed "this house would abolish school prizes".

As an aside, I'm also a netball umpire, and in one league for adults, we umpires have to choose "players of the match". I really loathe having to do this; as an umpire, I'm supposed to be impartial anyway, and if I start looking for reasons to award them, I'm not concentrating fully on the game. In most other leagues, it's the opposite team who makes this choice.

They have this at my DC’s school and a couple of their clubs, but there’s clearly a very strict system in place to make sure everyone gets the award once. I agree it can be counterproductive but my youngest DD does get so excited when it’s her “turn” to receive the award which is very sweet.

At least it’s better than when I was at school and the awards always seemed to go to the worst-behaved kids (usually boys). You could tell who the teacher found most challenging by looking at the star chart on the wall!