Page 2 | Any psychologists out there? MiL’s birthday

trivi · 09/04/2025 12:06

Do you feel that they will be speaking badly of you on the trip?

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 09/04/2025 12:09

I think it's that feeling of knowing that they all know each other so well, being family. All the in jokes and everything, and this trip sort of cements that by being an experience they will all have in common, that you don't get to be part of.

Which is, basically FOMO. You are allowed to feel the way you feel, OP, even if it is irrational. But let him go and be happy to see him when he comes back, it's not his fault that you're feeling a touch 'dog in the manger' about his trip.

UndermyShoeJoe · 09/04/2025 12:10

It’s because it’s his mum and sister going as a family like before you met kinda thing back to childhood.

Where as with his friends it’s friends. When you go it’s females only. His going as a family but you’re not included in that family.

StrangerThings1 · 09/04/2025 12:10

Notmotherofflowergirls · 09/04/2025 11:08

I am happily married to a really decent guy. He goes away occasionally maybe two or three times a year. He was also best man to his cousin a couple of years ago. I on the other hand go away a lot.

Admittedly I usually take our two girls with me but sometimes I don’t. I go with my mum, cousins, friends. He never, ever objects ever. If it’s not convenient for him either with work or a clash of some sorts he asks his mum.

Recap. Good guy , pulls his weight. Really generous. I go away a lot, he never ever objects.

Why am I beside myself with jealousy that he’s going away with his two sisters for his mother’s birthday? It is to a really good destination but it isn’t that that’s bothering me . I don’t know what is. I know I am unreasonable.

Can anyone elucidate for me?

I think I would feel the same, don’t know why either, I suppose it would feel like I was being excluded from a family event or maybe it would seem like that particular was only for ‘real’ family ie ( blood relatives) as as you are not a blood relative you are not part of the ‘real family’

Is it a milestone birthday that is being celebrated?

Ener · 09/04/2025 12:11

Jealous as not invited. Fair enough. I’d be a bit jealous too. NYC is pretty cool

Buttonknot · 09/04/2025 12:15

It's because you have different roles within the marriage. Yours is the traveller and he's the one who stays at home. It's part of your identity and you're feeling unsettled to be the one who isn't going.

semideponent · 09/04/2025 12:16

He's going away with the family unit that pre-existed your relationship with him. I wonder if it means that underneath it all, you feel more anxious than usual about your bond with DH and also more sensitive to the feeling of being left out.

Original poster

Notmotherofflowergirls · 09/04/2025 12:21

trivi
I doubt any of them have ever spoken badly of anyone in their life.

It’s a milestone birthday (actually for two of them).

I am glad that there’s been a rational discussion of my irrationality. People have been kind to me. Thank you.

I think that my husband has been to NewYork before and while I would like to have gone as a family as seeing it through our daughters’ eyes together I am able to articulate that to myself but it’s something I can’t articulate that is making me feel weird and jealous.

I won’t say a word to anyone that’s why I resurrected my mumsnet account.

OP posts:

StrangerThings1 · 09/04/2025 12:29

Notmotherofflowergirls · 09/04/2025 12:21

trivi
I doubt any of them have ever spoken badly of anyone in their life.

It’s a milestone birthday (actually for two of them).

I am glad that there’s been a rational discussion of my irrationality. People have been kind to me. Thank you.

I think that my husband has been to NewYork before and while I would like to have gone as a family as seeing it through our daughters’ eyes together I am able to articulate that to myself but it’s something I can’t articulate that is making me feel weird and jealous.

I won’t say a word to anyone that’s why I resurrected my mumsnet account.

Plan a nice couple of days with your daughters while they are away to take your mind off it
It Dosen’t sound like there was any malice behind the NY trip

CautiousLurker01 · 09/04/2025 12:44

Erm, it’s not clear from your OP, but do you actually go away together??

SeaBaseAlpha · 09/04/2025 12:53

I think you’ve just come to this conclusion but I think it is NYC specifically that’s causing this. You have never been but you can visualise it given how much it appears in our culture. Perhaps different from other trips where the location and activities may not be as familiar. You want to experience it together but you can’t.

Funnily enough my DH is planning a trip to take his Mum to NYC. I am fully supportive but underneath I have a nagging feeling of jealously which I haven’t had with any of the other trips DH has taken without me (which are rare, like you I get more than my fair share of trips). And it’s not even about him getting to experience NYC before me as I used to live there!

Original poster

Notmotherofflowergirls · 09/04/2025 12:59

CautiousLurker01

at 11:22 when I said we go together as a family, I meant me, DH and our two girls.

We don’t go away just the two of us but when it happened by accident, before Christmas after a wedding we did say we need to go away on our own more often.

OP posts:

CautiousLurker01 · 09/04/2025 13:00

SeaBaseAlpha · 09/04/2025 12:53

I think you’ve just come to this conclusion but I think it is NYC specifically that’s causing this. You have never been but you can visualise it given how much it appears in our culture. Perhaps different from other trips where the location and activities may not be as familiar. You want to experience it together but you can’t.

Funnily enough my DH is planning a trip to take his Mum to NYC. I am fully supportive but underneath I have a nagging feeling of jealously which I haven’t had with any of the other trips DH has taken without me (which are rare, like you I get more than my fair share of trips). And it’s not even about him getting to experience NYC before me as I used to live there!

I get this too. My DH goes to a grand prix with a friend every years - been to Austin, Baku, and off to Miami this year. Not had a girls weekend for a decade due to never being able to coordinate with anyone because of childcare etc. says it’s fine for me to book, but I’m kind of jealous he doesn’t do similar trips with me. His parents, our only fall back for watching the kids really, are a little too old and whilst our kids are older now, they have ASD/ADHD so do need an adult present if not actively ‘childminding’ them.

Inspired by this thread am going to look at booking a few weekends away, even if it’s on my own.

bigboykitty · 09/04/2025 13:04

Maybe it's as straightforward as wishing you had more time together as a couple or as a family. Getting away once a year max is not a lot. Could you do some weekend breaks? Sounds like you love your husband and get on well with him and his family. It doesn't have to have a sinister meaning. You're judging yourself quite harshly, I think.