Could do with some opinions please?

Yamyamabroad · 09/04/2025 10:52

It really depends on whether he was asking you the question as he was curious or whether he was suggesting you need to make more of an effort. My level of titivating myself up is similar to yours and I'm happy with it.

EmpressaurusKitty · 09/04/2025 10:54

CoolPlayer · 09/04/2025 10:49

Don’t really know what I’m looking for here but would be nice to hear others opinions on this.
Got in a talk with dh and he basically said in so many words why don’t I ever want to get my nails done (my nails aren’t dirty just short natural nails) he wasn’t actually being mean just a throw a way comment I’m thinking about I guess. I hardly wear full make up unless for a day out, have natural eyelashes, no fake tan ect I’ve tried all that in the past but to be honest I’m kind of happy living like this. To accept this is who I am now or should I be trying to make more of an effort with all of this stuff to work on the relationship? I don’t know how this is going to read so please be kind! x

If your DH thinks it’s that important then his priorities are fucked.

I haven’t been arsed with makeup since university & I’ve never been to have my nails done. I’m happy as I am. Don’t push yourself into something unnecessary.

SpringIsSpringing25 · 09/04/2025 10:54

Did you not ask him why he asked you that?

SunshineBirdSong · 09/04/2025 10:55

It's hard to comment as it could have been a "wonder why she never fancies getting her nails done that seems like a nice treat/pamper" or "what a scruff never getting her nails done..." what did the tone imply?

Burngreave · 09/04/2025 10:57

It depends on the context and tone of the question, but bottom line, if you’re happy with your nails, that’s all that matters.

WoodyOwl · 09/04/2025 10:57

I don't have the time, money or inclination to do hair/nails/makeup either. Ive never liked the sensation/smell of makeup, never had the skill or patience to do anything more than a ponytail and I like to be able to use my hands without worrying about chipping a nail. In short, those things don't make me happy. But I know others who get great pleasure in looking a certain way because it makes them feel a certain way. Each to their own and all that.

Lottie2shoes · 09/04/2025 10:57

I get both sides. I am also up for the au naturel look but appreciate that guys would like you to make an effort sometimes.

What i tend to do is go for the natural clean look most days but then dress up every once in a while. That is a bit of a compromise i feel for both as it means i can be who i am most days yet keep the relationship fresh and new too for them.
It also feels good for me to dress up and be someone different too every once in a while.

Original poster

CoolPlayer · 09/04/2025 11:45

I think he would like me to make..more of an effort.. we have 4 children and it’s just the last thing on my mind to be honest and I don’t particularly feel better / myself more done up. I guess what I’m looking for is would others try to help the marriage or just be more of a I am what I am take it or leave it. Would I take more time with make up if we were to part ways the honest answer is probably yes and that’s not because of him, not because I don’t want to try it’s because if I had a whole weekend to myself every now and again I guess I’d feel more refreshed.. right now nothing will cover the bags under my eyes lol

OP posts:

Original poster

CoolPlayer · 09/04/2025 11:47

Somewhere in between 😅

OP posts:

Original poster

CoolPlayer · 09/04/2025 11:48

SunshineBirdSong · 09/04/2025 10:55

It's hard to comment as it could have been a "wonder why she never fancies getting her nails done that seems like a nice treat/pamper" or "what a scruff never getting her nails done..." what did the tone imply?

Somewhere in between 😅

OP posts:

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 09/04/2025 11:49

I’d be tempted to ask him why he never wants to get his nails done. More seriously, it depends on his motivation. If he’s thinking you need to make more of an effort to fit in with his notion of feminine beauty then he can sod off. If he’s thinking you deserve some time to relax and pamper yourself, and naively assumed that as a woman you must want to have your nails done, then I’d say he’s trying to be nice and just got the details a bit wrong.

sprigatito · 09/04/2025 11:52

I have never “had my nails done” and never will. I am a musician and a keen gardener. My hands are not decorative, they are for use. I have never bothered with fake eyelashes either and I only wear makeup when I feel like it. It wouldn’t occur to me that DH might have an opinion on how much or little artifice I employ in my appearance 😂

Tell your DH to grow up and stop being so shallow and sexist.

Lavender14 · 09/04/2025 12:04

CoolPlayer · 09/04/2025 11:45

I think he would like me to make..more of an effort.. we have 4 children and it’s just the last thing on my mind to be honest and I don’t particularly feel better / myself more done up. I guess what I’m looking for is would others try to help the marriage or just be more of a I am what I am take it or leave it. Would I take more time with make up if we were to part ways the honest answer is probably yes and that’s not because of him, not because I don’t want to try it’s because if I had a whole weekend to myself every now and again I guess I’d feel more refreshed.. right now nothing will cover the bags under my eyes lol

To be honest op I think you've actually hit the nail on the head in this post without even realising it.

If he wants you to 'make more of an effort' (and I say that very loosely because to me as long as you're clean and tidy presented that's effort enough so long as you're happy) then he needs to step up to provide the free time and the funds for you to be able to do that. But equally if you want some more time for yourself you need to be able to talk to him about it and prioritise your own needs as well.

But ultimately it comes down to a question of what you want - you sound like you're happy enough as you are. I did have a period after having ds where I felt frumpy and tired and just not myself at all and I do make more of an effort now with my personal style and get my nails done as a treat but that DOES make me feel more like me and its certainly not for anyone else's benefit... if you are happy and content and feel like the best version of yourself exactly as you are then that's enough. You don't owe satisfaction with your appearance to anyone but yourself.

If he's maybe badly suggesting that a bit of effort and romance is lacking in the relationship in general (because with 4 kids that's understandable) then he needs to communicate THAT and then step up to the mark, arrange a baby sitter and take you out for a nice date which you may or may not choose to dress up a little more for. But I do think parent life is mainly survival especially when you've lots of kids or young kids - I make more effort now for my own sense of wellbeing but I'm still bare faced and in leggings and a hoodie most weekends because that's what is realistic with a toddler to run after. I only dress up when I want to or when I'm going to work because I have reason to then.

Buttonknot · 09/04/2025 12:06

I'm like you OP - don't wear much make up, don't get my nails done or fake tan etc. I think DH would sort of like me to, but it doesn't really bother him, and I'm very happy as I am. I haven't got the time or inclination for all that kind of stuff.

Original poster

CoolPlayer · 09/04/2025 13:51

Thanks for the replies x

OP posts:

Dinoswearunderpants · 09/04/2025 13:53

Are you sure he's not just asking in case you'd like to pamper yourself more and he's said nails just as an example?

Why don't you speak to your husband and find out what he meant.

5128gap · 09/04/2025 14:19

In all my fairly long life, I have never come across a man who finds a woman more attractive because she has blobs of coloured gel on the ends of her fingers. I always thought nails were something women did for themselves, as they are irrelevant to how attractive you look overall. I can only conclude that he either wants you to do it for you (charitable view) or thats he's using getting your nails done as a soft gateway to asking you to spend more time on your appearance generally.

toomuchfaff · 09/04/2025 15:31

CoolPlayer · 09/04/2025 11:45

I think he would like me to make..more of an effort.. we have 4 children and it’s just the last thing on my mind to be honest and I don’t particularly feel better / myself more done up. I guess what I’m looking for is would others try to help the marriage or just be more of a I am what I am take it or leave it. Would I take more time with make up if we were to part ways the honest answer is probably yes and that’s not because of him, not because I don’t want to try it’s because if I had a whole weekend to myself every now and again I guess I’d feel more refreshed.. right now nothing will cover the bags under my eyes lol

He wants you to make more of an effort?
More of an effort for who?
What effort does he make?

More of an effort for what?
So you're prettier to look at? (CF)
He thinks you'll be happier? (Wrong)
He thinks it's important you're seen as a good catch? (CF)

All depends on the context.

cunoyerjudowel · 09/04/2025 16:25

I never get my nails done and barely wear make up and if my husband were to say this I would interpret it as him asking as him offering to treat me.

with social media it’s easy to get the impression that all women are doing x.y.z and he may be thinking you may secretly want ot but fear the cost / time implication