For being jealous about my SIL’s pregnancy?

[OneGreenDuck]

I am the older sibling (me 29, brother 26)

Me and my DH have been trying to get pregnant for years. I believe we started trying when we were 24. We have exhausted every fertility option there is and are now beginning to come to terms with the fact that we’re not meant to be parents.

Just as I’m coming to terms with this, DB and DSIL announce their first pregnancy (first grandchild on my side too) and of course everyone is so excited and over the moon.

But I can’t help but feel so jealous. I can’t even look at her pregnant without wanting to cry. I’m trying to be excited and happy for them, but all I feel is bitter that it was supposed to be me first and everyone seems to have forgotten what I’m going through.

Am I being unreasonable?

Of course you are not being unreasonable. . It's very hard when you are desperately trying to conceive and people around you get pregnant . I hope your turn will come x

Of course it’s hard. It’s supposed to be you. Be kind to yourself only be as involved as feels manageable. Talk to your dh about how you are feeling or maybe access counselling.

You're not being unreasonable to feel what you feel, obviously. Infertility is very tough. And I think you should let yourself off the hook of being 'excited and happy for them'. You've got enough going on if you're attempting to come to terms with being childless. But yes, I think you're being unreasonable to expect that other people's responses to your SIL's pregnancy to be about you.

Of course yanbu to feel how you feel. 29 is very young to decide you will never be parents too.

No, you’re not, it’s natural to feel that way when someone appears to easily get the thing you’ve been longing for for a long time.

it’s tough, but you can’t expect people to not have children if they want them to spare your feelings. You wouldn’t be unreasonable for wanting to distance yourself from them and the pregnancy for a while to come to terms with it in your own time.

you are still young though and depending on your feelings this may not be the end of the road for you. Treatments are advancing all the time. Just be kind to yourself.

Oh OP I am so sad for you. This is really hard

Of course you're not unreasonable. Be really gentle with yourself and if you to withdraw fir a while to cry, then do. 🫂

YANBU at all OP- how you feel is totally normal and understandable. You don’t need to feel happy and excited for them- take the pressure off yourself and allow your feelings to be what they are. Life is just so unfair sometimes , it’s ok to be sad and angry about that. Sending you love xxx

Of course YANBU. This is such a shitty situation for you. I will not say don’t give up, as I know how that feels when you have tried everything. I just hope you find peace.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's completely normal to feel like that.

Sorry to ask, but have you been tested by a Reproductive Immunologist? Probably your issues could be an immune response.

You could distance for awhile for your mental health.

Not unreasonable in the slightest op. That's incredibly difficult and it's only natural you'd be upset.

I think it's hard to remember at the time but while others are excited for them, they will be feeling for you too even if they don't have the awareness or the tact you would wish and they will also be in a tricky place of needing to be appropriately excited.

I think you just need to put yourself first here, make the pleasantries you can and then give yourself space from it if that's what you need. At the same time I'd just say be careful because often women end up becoming really isolated when struggling with fertility and I think it's good to be open with people where you can to preseve relationships so people who care about you don't find themselves ghosted. I hope you find peace whatever way things work out. Are you receiving any support for the grief?

Oh love 🩷 im so sorry. I know how hard and upsetting trying to conceive is. I regularly go through emotions like this when friends and family announce a pregnancy. You can be happy for them but still sad for yourself - its only natural. Hasn't hubby had semen analysis? have you looked into IVF? have you been referred for fertility investigations? xxx

I don't think you are being unreasonable. We had extensive fertility issues. I was terribly jealous and had to take a step back from a lot of. Especially the couple who had 2 children, in the time it took us to conceive 0. Or the couple who hadn't even been together when we started trying but very quickly got together and were pregnant within the year

It’s so hard but they deserve their happiness too and I’m sure none of them mean to forget about your struggles.