MIL / FIL Visiting HELP ME

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Please help and tell me I am being unreasonable and give me your avid solution ones brain can not see.

MIL / FIL visiting Saturday they’ll arrive at 10am. Me and my toddler have lived three Saturdays by this point. When the visit they just want to sit and talk. Toddler who has been up three hours by this point is now climbing the walls. I am desperate to get out the house!!! I’ve suggested it. They complain. DH is great and also wants to get out the house. When toddler goes for their nap at 1ish me and DH split chores and then get an hour to chill. Nope parents stay and complain if we’re trying to do anything. My DH explains it has to be done as when do they expect us to do to. Parents live 10 minutes away. I work Sunday and this is our only family day.

I hate it! How do you all cope?

Tell them your plans before they arrive - eg lovely to see you on Saturday, we’ll need to take Xx out for a run around at about [time], but you’re welcome to stay and have a cup of tea if you’d prefer not to join us. Also we’ll need to do a few jobs when Xxx has a nap, and will then stop for a cuppa and some cake to relax. Dot. Wait until they are there before telling them what you need to do.

I would absolutely not be letting your MIL and FIL dictate how you spend your precious Sundays.

Your DH needs to have your back on this and he needs to make it clear to his parents that you will be doing family things and out and about with your toddler on weekends. If they want 'sit down inside' visits, those aren't the times/days for them. End of.

Every Saturday?!? And it’s your only day off?

Fuck. That.

just no.

Oh my god do they do this every Sat?? I would arrange a day out & get your DH to offer they can either meet you there or say they can come over for tea when you get home.

I try to arrange family visits at locations other than our house, as its far easier to leave a park, coffee shop etc than waiting for someone to leave your house.

If they aren’t interested in doing anything with the children, why not have them come for an hour or so on a weekday evening. That way you will have your one family day to enjoy as you wish and deserve.

Sorry if someone's already said this. Don't apologise or try to explain, just do it, pleasantly and politely. 'DH and I are going for a walk with the LO. Do you want to come? LO would love that. If you don't feel like it, stay here and we'll see you later.

Clearing up? Just do it. Invite them to help if they moan.

Don't let them make you feel in the wrong.

Given that they live so near, I'd try and cut down on the long stays. You're obviously trying not to fall out, which is great, but just say, 'We're busy in the morning..' Or 'Lovely, We're taking LO to the park. You're welcome to join us.'

PIL: we will be over at 10am on Sat to see you all
YOU/DH: ah sorry, would have been lovely, but we won’t be in then. We could do next week at 4pm (or whatever day and time suit)

job done

You don’t need to listen to them.

Their needs do not top trump yours and your toddlers.

If you want to go out - go out. They can stay with DH or come with you. You need to do jobs - do them and ignore their complaints.

This is your husbands issue to deal with. He needs to speak to his parents and say “You’re welcome round at X time however at X time we will be leaving to head out to X. You are welcome to join us if you would like.”

If they moan when you’re doing bits around the house your husband needs to remind them that you’re busy working parents and chores around the house wait for no one and your weekend time is precious and limited.

If they live so close, why do they come for a whole day? Why aren't they popping in now and gain for a cup of tea or a meal and then heading off again? this is weird.

And it's perfectly okay to say, "right, if we dont' get some exercise toddler will lose it ocmpletely. Let's all go to the park." or plan an activity, "right, you come over at 10 and we'll all jump in the car and head to the local national trust/musuem/fun fair/whatever"

I remember when my DDs were small, I'd arrive at work for 9 and my colleagues would say "Morning Olive!" and I'd think "Morning? I've lived 3 lifetimes since I woke up!" so your comment really resonated with me and made me smile!

You are totally within your rights to either put your PILs off until later in the day, insist that your DS does need to get out of the house or to invite them to visit on a Sunday while you're at work - none of these are in the slightest bit rude, and I can't see how your PILs could take offence.

I would suggest a combination of the 3 alternatives, if they want a weekly visit, then make that visit on your family's terms. I think I would go for alternate Sundays and leave DH to deal with his DPs. On the alternate Saturdays when I would be there for PIL visits, I'd say visiting hours begin at X time, and the plan is to go out to X at X time, so if you want to visit that day that's what we'll be doing. I'd definitely want to protect our only family day a couple of times a month.

I voted YABU, because you are an adult and you can decide when you invite them over. If that doesn’t work for them, too bad.

yeah their visit needs to be a sunday activity.

They're your DH's parents - take the toddler out when you want to and leave them with him. You don't need their permission, or his. They have no authority over you, so stop acting like they do.

Thanks for all the advice! 😊 Not every Saturday probably once every few months! They don’t bother for ages then want to spend the day with us. Sat doing what feels like nothing. “They don’t want to go out they’ve come round to see us” whatever that means. DH just flatly refuses now and says we’re busy and says to me how boring! I don’t want his parents to feel ostracised, especially as my parents are great, initiate days out and will always baby sit. My husband is very close with my parents. I just feel bad for his parents.