I really hate how I look

[Cantbelieveimagranny]

I feel stupid because I know I look unexceptional, but having been happy with photos all my life there are now no pictures of me with my adorable granddaughter because I actively avoid them. Any advice on how to dress always starts with "choose something you feel good in" and I don't feel good in anything. I feel old (can't help that, beats the alternative by a mile), short, fat and ugly with awful posture and messy hair (the witch look). Having said that I don't feel good in anything, the best I can do is I feel "safe" (not good) in jeans and sweatshirt or gym clothes (I know, strange, all that lycra). I go to the gym 4 times a week and walk long distances. It isn't actually what I see in the mirror so much as what I see in photos which horrifies me. I have a successful career with lovely colleagues, a great husband, four affectionate grown up children, a bouncy dog, a lovely house, and the aforementioned adorable granddaughter. My family are all nearby, which I know is a blessing. I shouldn't be so vain, I am so very lucky, but this fear of people seeing what I look like consumes me and makes me want to hide away. I know, first world problems. Does anyone else feel like this?

Your use name suggests you might be struggling to adjust to being a grandma.?
Photos often horrify people because they show a flat image with no 'sparkle', warmth and life. You are far more than a photo.
I'd bet my house you aren't 'ugly'.
Overweight? Eat good, healthy food and exercise regularly. You'll glow even if you are a bit squishy around the edges.
Awful posture? Yoga or pilates are great.
Messy hair? Spend a bit of dosh on a really good cut.
Enjoy your lovely family and love yourself.

Get a nice haircut, a nice handbag, good sunglasses and great shoes. It will elevate your look and help you feel better.

Oh! Make it a project! I’m no beauty but love trying new things to give me even a 1% lift!

im really invested in my hair for about the last year, and man, it makes such a difference! Get a colour twice a year, cut twice a year… but my at home routine is what’s making it gorgeous. Supplements, treatments, home hair gloss and colours (semis on roots mainly then dragged through) and I’ve just bought a Dyson!

granted my hair now doesn’t match my face, but i love it. I have an eyebrow lady who I go to once a month and she works wonders with my muppet brows, genius

get your health in order, get the glow on!

and buy a gorgeous blouse and a well fitting pair of jeans :)

I like the way I look and am told I'm pretty, but you won't find many photos of me as I look GOD AWFUL in them all. I can't pose, I have a wooden Victoria Beckham smile, my face looks fat and it's far from it in real life. Just no.

So don't give too much weight to how you look in photos OP.

There will be lots of comments about how you can do this and the other to improve your appearance. But you know what before all of that I think you have to be able to accept yourself warts and all. My mum constantly on a diet, she had real body image issues. But even when she lost weight it didn’t change her mentally or change her life. Accept yourself, this is you and you defo don’t look as bad as you describe. Oh and just stay away from photos or have them taken so your family have memories but just don’t look at them yourself.

I look hideous in photos but fine in real life. You can’t look fat and dumpy with all that exercise. But.
Try a really good haircut and Alexander technique to improve posture.

I'll let you in on a secret. People all around you can see you.
You look fine, unremarkable and like yourself.

Why do you have to look great in photos?
That is quite a vain way to think. If you look not that good it boosts the morale of others near you because they appear to look better. Be kind, be generous and don't fuss.

Do your grand daughter a favour and start accepting being photographed with her. She wants to see you and her over the years growing old gracefully together.

Photography is an art. That’s why there’s a huge team just to take one picture of a celeb - photographer/assistant/lighting tech/hair/make-up/stylist etc. They’re all trained in how to execute an image e.g. make up techniques are entirely different for editorial. So as others say, ignore the photos - they won’t be grrat unless you have team backup. The other stuff is within your control and part of self-care and love - regular haircuts, dressing in your ‘good’ clothese, generally looking after yourself. Your life has already been a great success so this is the easy bit.

Practice a pose and facial expression that you can tolerate looking at in photos? (Well, that’s what I rely on….)

You have body dysmorphia

need therapy

I am in a similar position what has helped is a session with a personal stylist who was able to teach me how to dress for my shape. I still don’t do posed photos but am good with candid ones.

Oh and just stay away from photos or have them taken so your family have memories but just don’t look at them yourself. @Itsnotallaboutyoulikeyouthink

I agree with this.

I'm the same as you op, absolutely hate my photo being taken as I never think photos do me justice.

But my adult dcs complain they never have photos of me so now I just let them take their pics, I just don't look at them.

If you want a nice photo with your gd for yourself, invest in a family photo shoot. Get your hair done, nice outfit etc and a professional to guide you on poses.

I think the older we get the more time and effort it takes to feel like you look presentable!
My hair makes a huge difference to how I look overall, so I have it coloured every four weeks and smooth/style it every morning with a hot brush linked below. I only wash it every 4 days so the trade off is I have to tame it inbetween times.
I use a Tan Luxe drops facial tanner which gives me a bit of a glow and makes my make up look better.
I always wear lipstick and small earrings.
My clothes are mostly plain, I tend to wear all one or two colour outfits. I only buy things now that if I put them on I want to do a little dance, that way I love most of what I own and am happy to be seen in it.
Agree with pp about good footwear and bag - even if it’s trainers, make sure you love them, don’t compromise.
Lastly, smile, laugh, be natural (easy with your granddaughter!) and try to not be too self conscious when photos are being taken, I find that makes me pull the strangest of faces.
We are so critical of ourselves, I never look at anybody and think awful things, I only see the good, so I suppose we have to train our brains to think the same way about ourselves.

OP go to John Lewis, their name personal shopping stylists are free if you would like to explore some new wardrobe essentials. Smooth hair always looks smart, hot brush it. Tanned face makes me feel way more confident without makeup.

This!

You are on a hiding to nothing trying to dress yourself out of this issue. You are only going to get older and you will find it harder and harder to dress / haircut your way to feeling good. By all means have the haircut, buy the shoes, buy the handbag but those things will not solve your problem. You need to learn to love yourself or at the very least accept that the way you look is not important. Good luck. If you work out how to do it, let me know 😉

I relate to how you feel OP, I look awful in photos! But I think a lot of how we feel is accepting how our bodies age, whilst learning to make the best of it. PP said for posture do pilates and I can testify that does work! I've lost my stoop since I started Pilates. I also have "safe" clothes and struggle to find anything else, but I'm thinking of using a personal shopper. My hair is very tricky (short thick and badly behaved!) but I get it cut every 6 weeks and buy Wella products. But really it's a mindset, thank your body for keeping you healthy and alive!

My mum is like this. I have next to no photos of her. It’s sad and when she dies there won’t be many photos of her at all.

I felt a bit like this when I became a granny but then realised that I needed to stop for my grandchildren’s sake. They are beautiful and no one is looking at me in the photos! Why would they when I’m smiling with those gorgeous babies!
No one is going to see the photos other than those that love me for me, not for how I look.

Sorry, this made me smile. This week I had some photos taken with my new granddaughter, and I was so mortified I have cropped myself out of them!
I hate my teeth and a smiling side view is the very worst angle to show them, they are white and healthy but quite uneven. I made my peace with my appearance years ago and normally just avoid photos, but of course with a new baby I keep being snapped.

I agree with PP and I'm going to practice a special "grandma pose", sort of a gentle wise smile ie mouth closed, not grinning like a loon! It is true there are very few photos of me for posterity but I have obviously passed some nice genes on to my granddaughter because she is stunning!

Many congratulations!

You describe yourself as having the "witch look". What about embracing that? Witches are pretty cool and offer a variety of styles. Have you hair in a deliberately messy/casual/playful style, for example.

If you like Lycra, some leggings with large (button down) shirts with scarves of oversized necklaces with some comfortable shoes. It's all pretty casual and might fall into your "safe" category, but will give you a few more options to try.

So kind of you all to respond and to put so much thought into it. Thank you. It's fantastic to find there are so many kind folk out there. I hadn't realised people would misinterpret "Can't believe I'm a granny" - I meant the "isn't it amazing, I am so lucky" kind of "can't believe it". I have changed my name to make it a bit clearer! I just feel really guilty that I am not in family photos, but every time I see one I delete it. I will think about all your advice. My lovely daughter keeps reminding me the wee one will want photos. Thank you all
(I am now "luckymumandnowluckygranny")

I know what you mean, I horrified myself this morning when I accidentally switched the Instagram camera on and in spite of losing weight recently I looked knackered and had at least two extra chins. In my head is an image of myself at about 28. Not what I see in the mirror but that version looks better than the one I often see on photos. What I do bear in mind is that when I look at photos of myself from five or ten years ago, I wonder what I was worried about and I look fine.

And also there will be someone out there three stone heavier looking at you thinking "I wish I was slimmer like her and had her confidence and dress sense." Even if you want to lose weight part of that is acceptance of yourself being fine and enough as you are now.

I used to worry about how I looked a lot, obsessively styling hair and buying clothes.

Since having second child and reaching 40, I've stopped focusing on it so much. My husband loves me the way I am, and people are just as friendly when I look dishevelled!

I need a hair cut, but I've been putting it off as it's easier to just accept it will always be wild and frizzy, a few greys don't change my day. I focus on feeling good so I tone and moisturise, use teeth whitening stuff, light make up some days. I have a few favourite outfits I feel at ease in, but I don't dress up unless I have to eg a party.

Why are you so worried about your looks?

I know it's silly, I am not so worried about my looks IRL, just don't recognise the person in photos! You have all been so helpful, thank you very much