So angry at my husband.

[KhakiMoose]

I need some advice.

I cannot tell you how angry I am at my husband this evening. We’ve been having trouble with our 5 year old son recently and his bedtime routine. On Saturday evening we decided to set out a clear, concise and consistent plan to deal with this. My husband has been out/at work since then so I have done bedtime and the routine was working a treat - DS was brilliant and I even noticed a difference in his behaviour during the day. Tonight was the first night my husband had put him to bed since we made the plan - and he blatantly ignored about three steps of it. Unsurprisingly our son noted the inconsistencies, became irate and bam just like that we are back to the beginning!!! Even more unsurprisingly I am the one who has had to deal with our son - who is still coming down the stairs crying and I am having to take him back up to bed. I am so, so angry. I am so angry because this isn’t the first time my husband has done this - it’s like he doesn’t listen/care? …. I don’t know what to do? I am almost giving up?! I have just asked him to leave me alone I am furious 😡😡

Not sure why people are insinuating additional needs

Routines are good for any age, even adults!

Yes can we please stop presuming all kids have special needs when they are just being kids 🤦‍♀️ It seems if kids aren't perfect these days then they must have special needs!! A bit of background, bed time has occasionally been a bit of an issue for us - he just hates going to bed! He’s fine once down and sleeps through the night but it’s been tricky. We traveled a lot when he was younger which I do not regret for one moment as it made him the amazing/rounded/social kid he is today but the flip side was sharing hotel rooms etc which may have contributed. It’s not always a huge issue, often it goes in phases where he is just difficult to get down but sometimes it’s fine, it really depends.

My husband was ‘tired’. I do feel like sometimes he undermines me when it comes to parenting decisions, and this was really the straw that broke the camels back!! I am still so angry this morning and haven’t spoken to him yet.

So you are using emotional abuse to get your DH to behave? The whole things sounds toxic. You talk to your DH and ask him why he doesn't agree to the routine. If he does agree, then you ask him why he didn't do it. If there is something one of you wants to watch (I'm aware of the 8pm UEFA kick offs), then you just make sure it's fair. Next time, you go out and leave him to it. You are teaching your son that the silent treatment and being irrationally angry is normal. Boys need to see effective communication happening.

What a stupid comment!

Your husband is obviously utilising weaponised incompetence. I agree, he does all bedtimes until he's learned to do it properly. Is he a dickhead in a lot of other ways too?

I'm sorry what? How has this been turned round so that the op is now in the wrong?! They agreed a new bedtime routine, op has put the work in and made a big difference to their son, then dad comes along and refuses to even do the minimum of reading his son a bedtime story? You can't be for real.

Your dh is lazy and a terrible role model for your son

Couldn't be bothered to read his 5yr old a bedtime story?

Fucking heartless!

So he just put your kid straight to bed and then left him to it, no story or anything? That is indeed pretty shit and I can actually see why your son was a bit miffed! I think most little kids do need that story/chat time to wind down and settle, surely. And I don't believe your husband was 'too tired' to (checks notes) read to a small child for 30 minutes. It's not like you were asking him to run a 10K.

You talk to your DH and ask him why he doesn't agree to the routine.
On Saturday evening we decided to set out a clear, concise and consistent plan to deal with this.

^^ Try reading the OPs posts properly before coming out with your shit. He deliberately sabotaged it and deliberately upset his own child just so he could watch TV. Don't turn this onto the OP.