To think I’m being a walkover and friendship is too intense

[BatTippy]

So DD has a great but intense friendship with a child in her class. She is dominated by this friend, will let the other friend ‘win’ to avoid her becoming upset and friend talks over her a lot.

I’m also finding the Mum quite intense. To the extent that I find I’m doing things to please her.
Both Mum and child are not unkind. Both myself and DD are introverts, so I wouldn’t otherwise go on play dates as much - or socialise.

Today I had something important to do, and almost had to apologise for not being available. It just felt like I was being controlled.
I guess the answer is boundaries. But I don’t want DD to be controlled either. I think she is being prevented from forming other friendships. But she is happy - so is it ok?

You need to encourage your child to form other friendships at school. It's not healthy for her to have one very intense friendship. What happens in the future if your daughter is separated from this friend, and goes into a different class? She's going to find it difficult to form friendships. In all honesty you need to perhaps talk to her teacher, and ask if your daughter can be observed at break, lunchtimes and in class, to see if the school feels the friendship is unhealthy and to encourage her to make new friendships. By making new friends, she will then have new people to go on playdates with. You need to lead by example. If the Mother is also intense, you need to make yourself less available, and you don't need to apologise! Step back, and take control. You don't want your daughter isolated from other children, due to another child's behaviour. There is such a thing called 'peer on peer abuse', and if this child is controlling your daughter, to the detriment of her making friendships, modifying her behaviour so not to upset her friend etc, then that's abusive.