To think not everyone should be a parent?

[ThisQuickLemonPoster]

I know it sounds harsh but some people just aren’t cut out for parenting - emotionally, financially, or otherwise. Yet we treat having kids like a right rather than a responsibility. If you’re barely coping or constantly moaning, maybe you shouldn’t have had children. AIBU for thinking this way?

You're not wrong but it's a bit late by that stage 🤣 I think society has begun to be more honest about how kids aren't for everyone and as a result fewer are choosing to have them.

Well of course some people are terrible prospects for parents but… what is the alternative? Government controlled breeding? Parenting training, testing and licensing? Forced sterilisation en masse? I certainly wouldn’t want to live in any country which assumes that level of control over its citizens. No thank you.

Im child free by choice and was seen as an outlier in the 90s I went on a couple of chat shows about the subject and was called inhuman on one of them
Im not such an outlier now

Government controlled breeding, next step the impregnation of all with Kier's little swimmers. (Boris would have been up for it).

I think barely coping or moaning are hardly grounds for suggesting someone isn’t cut out to be a parent. Different people cope better with different stages, and life has a way of kicking our arse so what was previously manageable becomes very hard indeed.

We do have standards for parenting - children are removed from truly harmful parents. Having a moan about the hard bits often helps us pick ourselves up and keep on going.

I love my children with every fibre of my being, but I can’t pretend every second is a joy or that parts of parenting aren’t very difficult indeed. I adopted, so did go through a pretty extensive assessment to become a parent. I still moan and struggle to cope sometimes.

So you're saying that we have to plaster a smile on and pretend to be fine and happy 100% of the time and anyone who doesn't fit the Stepford mould isn't a fit parent? I mean there are clearly unfit parents out there but not by this measure. This smacks of the same terrible logic as "I feel a bit sad sometimes... I must be depressed."

You can't put the genie back in the bottle.

OMG why did it quote the OP?! That's never happened to me before. 🤦‍♀️

That's awful! 'Inhuman' is someone who abuses and kills people, not someone who chooses not to have a child, thereby not hurting anyone or indeed bringing them into this mess of a world! Well done for speaking out and sticking to your guns.

YANBU. Having kids is not the be all and end all.

Totally agree with you, but most people don't seem to put any thought into having sex or starting a family. It's pretty depressing.

And no, I don't have kids. Because I know I'd be a totally shit parent.

I agree up to a point but I also think the expectations put on parents these days (attachment parenting, endless round of ferrying to activities, child-centric activities and holidays) make parenting an unenjoyable slog for many mums and (to a lesser extent) dads. Culturally we've made it difficult for some to cope with the expectations. The weight of judgement can feel immense.

My parents expected us to fit into their lives, they didn't adapt every element of theirs to us. It was worse parenting by modern standards but at much less cost to their own well-being. I'm not hankering for the days of kids spending long afternoons in the pub but I do think there's a happier medium somewhere.

Agree. It's just something people seem to do, because everyone else is doing it.

I wouldn't be a good parent because I really don't want children. It's a completely valid choice. Still seems to rub some people the wrong way. But at least I know I'm not putting children into a shit situation.

YANBU. I wouldn't exactly consider that an unpopular opinion though; I think most people acknowledge that there are people who are not cut out to be parents.

Yep, or because they think it's the next stage in their relationship.

I've seen so many threads recently where people are pregnant and keeping the babies knowing the "fathers" are going to be fucking useless. There's no thought for the child, they just want a baby and don't seem to care how they get one.

Absolutely. There are some useless, and even worse, evil parents out there. We can't stop people breeding though.

I think some people like the idea of a baby and give no thought to how expensive and the commitment of raising a human for 18 plus years.

Sure, but what do you suggest? Only the deserving get a breeding license? Eugenics has a very ugly history.

You see the feral children around absolutely you think some people should never be parents.

Alas so many of the worst people will continue to make stupid reproductive choices and we just have to deal with their fecklessness.

Equally i think there are many young women swerving motherhood because men STILL dont do their share and step up.

Decades ago women were told they could have it all. What they really meant was they wanted women to DO it all. The reason the male ( he had an American accent but im in the UK) called me inhuman is that he was pissed that i saw through the having it all rhetoric

Agree. Personally I love being a parent but it’s not for everyone. If you don’t want children then definitely don’t have them. Parenthood is a huge demand on every part of your life for a long time.

The European nations, Japan and East Asia are demographically declining at an alarmingly suicidal rate, it is strange to think that we live on the Earth at perhaps the time when the largest amount of humans will ever live.

These posts are so dull - and the OP never returns to elaborate on their stupid idea. There's no such thing as "treating" parenthood as one thing or another - people fuck, and babies are born.

I think it's a good thing that being child-free is increasingly seen as a normal life choice. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent and lots of people have the self-awareness to realise it's not for them.