To not call my mother on her birthday...

[Arcoiris3101]

Posting this here but not sure if right place...
So long story short, I'm possibly going through a miscarriage (last scan (yesterday) showed low fetal heart beat, I'll have a scan next week to see where we're at).
I had told my mum about my pregnancy week before last and told her about it being risky as I had been spotting on and off.
I called her yesterday after the scan crying. Didn't really get words out at first and she said: "Did you get your period?" Like wtf even if I started bleeding, it would be a fucking period. She knows this and I've had miscarriages before. Then I started to explain about the heart beat and then again, she said: "so they gave you an termination pill then?" I honestly lost my shit, screamed out loud in pure frustration and hung up the phone.
She didn't call me back or texted me or apologised. We don't live in the same country so no chance of a visit.
I spoke to my siblings, who were more supportive but one of them said that maybe this weekend, when it's my mum's birthday, when I call her, we could talk again when things weren't so fresh. I said there was no fucking way I was going to call her. She's always been a bit like these (insensitive, sometimes cruel and never apologises) and we don't talk that often (maybe every 2/3 weeks over videocall) so this time I'm not bending over backwards to fix things. Am I being unreasonable?

I wouldn’t phone her, no. How insensitive and bloody ignorant she was, I’m sorry. As if you’re not going through enough heartache. My M thinks she can say whatever she wants too and I’m over being understanding of it. She is old now but she was my age and younger when she said many upsetting things so she can’t say it’s because she’s old now. She has said, angrily, ‘You’ll have to tell me if I say something wrong!” Yeah can just imagine how that would go down. She also refuses to talk about the past because she “can’t cope” so I’m left with no way to sort anything out so I’ve just gone low contact. My sibling is more sympathetic to her too. So they can deal with her. Your mum knows she’s upset you, let her make the first move. If she doesn’t, well. That’s useful information.

Just disengage.

My (d?)M is similar, thankfully I have not had the same experiences you have, she's more in the narcissist variant ( ) I just think of her as an elderly person I have to talk to occasionally - I dont think I love her.

I don't think I have ever called anyone on their birthday - why would I? (Nor would anyone call me, to be fair). Is this a thing?

No, you're not being unreasonable. She is a poor excuse for a mother. If she's always been insensitive and cruel, she's not going to change now, so the only thing that you can do is pull away and stop contacting her.

Will she be upset or angry if you don't contact her on her birthday or won't she care? Either way, I wouldn't be calling her.

I don't think you would be unreasonable not to call her.
If that was my daughter I d be there for her 100 per cent and listen while she cried.
I m sorry you're going through this.

Op's situation aside. Yes it's very normal to call a loved one or friend on their birthday.

You’re honestly asking why people call their loved ones to wish them a happy birthday?