Visitors calling unannounced

[Cookie105]

Am I being unreasonable to want people to let me know before they just turn up to visit us unannounced?

This is my BIGGEST hate! I don't mind having visitors but I like to know in advance, even if it's close family or friends.

I never call with anyone un announced, it's common courtesy. My sister in law is a bugger for it!!

Yes I agree 😄

This! If someone's dropping something off, for example, and don't want/need to come in, then that's ok, but to cold-call and expect to come in, well that's very bad manners.

Yes exactly! It's happened a few times on a weekend where me and hubby have been home and people would pop round. He couldn't see why it got to me, and I told him after our visitors left we could have been going at it upstairs and then someone calls! It's just the decent thing to do to let someone know you are coming around!

@BobbyBiscuitsHow messy is your house that you need ‘at least a couple of days notice’? 😱

I fucking hate this.Dh family used to do this A LOT for the first few years we were together.I gradually put a stop to it

Same 🤣

Agree. It makes me sad that people don't just drop by!

Growing up we always used to have visitors drop in, my parents still do. I miss that!

Very fucking messy. I actually would need about a week's notice for someone who didn't know me very well indeed!!
But it's mainly to do with my mental health issues.

My housing association did this Came round with no notice and turned my electric off to fit an isolator I got told to be grateful

If you don't want them in your house they're acquaintances.

I don't really see how it makes a difference whether it's someone you know or a delivery or a cold caller or whatever that you can't control and wouldn't have notice of either, you'd just ignore the doorbell for all of them.

I love unannounced visits but been conditioned around this from childhood and very friendly neighbourhood and local family. Till this day I have keys to my parents, and sister and just let myself in when I feel like it 😃

We do some of the time 🤣

Not unreasonable. Something I have noticed tho. My kids friends and nieces / nephews / their friends under 19… they won’t even run the doorbell when they have arranged to come over and we know they are coming over at sept time… they WhatsApp. It drives me mad! Why! Hahhaha.

I wish to god someone would visit me, I’m generally the visitor (two hours from everyone else and very rural). If someone turned up I’d whoosh them in and die of happiness! My brother once turned up out of the blue and I started crying I was so happy, same when a friend texted to say she was in the area and was I about. I have a few friends that are so good that if I rang in the morning to say I was heading home home and could I drop by they’d welcome me with open arms but a few relatives that require a few weeks notice which I can’t because I work in retail and don’t know my hours and am generally ferrying the kids about or have stuff with mum or mil

edited to add I can see how people get stressed, my house is rarely visitor clean, but I think you miss out by not grabbing opportunities to see people but honestly that’s just my opinion and I’m biased because well I suppose I’m lonely for my family and friends a bit even though I’ve a great life and great kids

Another vote for ask first. I have very messy creative children who like to build forts and then semi-dismantle them leaving blankets all over the place or start an art project out of the recycling then wander off leaving a pile of junk out for days that nobody can touch becuase it isn't finished yet. I tend to wash up at the end of the day rather than after each meal so there will usually be breakfast things sitting on the counter, maybe my lunch plate and coffee cup. And don't even get me started on the number of times my boys have left a big poo in the loo without flushing it! I work from home and I have an older friend who pops round if she is passing and just doesn't understand that I am working and don't have time for hour long coffee chats in the middle of a working day. I love hosting if I have notice, but if someone comes unannounced I find it so intrusive.

Used to hate this but learned to love it. I really get it though op. The reason I can love it is because my visitors are all non judgemental people, but I know my bedt friend finds it hard when her mil comes by mainly because she will be the person to notice and voice it if the house isn't tidy, if not to her than to others and nobody picks her up on it. Depends on your circle as much as it does you!

I’m autistic and people showing up unexpectedly feels like an invasion. My home is my safe space. If someone is entering it I need time to prepare. I’m also always exhausted afterwards. It’s much easier to meet people elsewhere.

What ignorant bollocks 😂

Hate it, my dad does it all the time, usually just as we are sitting down to eat or have 3 minutes to get ready and go out or the 15 minutes I have to myself before the school run!
I realise he used to do the same to my aunty when I was little.
Every Sunday he would take my sister and I uninvited to her house for hours, we would expect to be fed, play in her garden etc. I remember we would look through the windows if no one answered, so rude!

I completely agree with this!!!

Ill get trashed but I feel that popping in is an outdated and misogynistic practice.

I feel like in the days where everyone lived locally and only 1 adult (the man) in the family worked, this would have been fine.

Now both household adults including the woman need to work in most households to survive, but the practice of popping in still suggests that there should be a woman at home ready and available to welcome visitors with the kettle on.

In most cases now the woman of the house is probably also trying to work a full time job on top of most of what a woman was expected to do 60 years ago. I’ve certainly had to tell MIL on several occasions that although I am at home I am working. I can’t just stop for a chat and put the kettle on. I’m working 9 hour days, some of which involve sitting in back to back meetings for several hours.

I think it is so disrespectful to go to people’s houses unnannouced.

A friend did this once - luckily I was not home. She messaged me to say she was outside (I was going through a bereavement and she wanted to show support - but her turning up was worse!)

I think it is more of a MN thing than an 'English' thing.

I love having an unexpected visitor.
If it weren't convenient, then I'd say so, and see them another time.

My house is always "lived in" in appearance, and that is fine - friends call to see me (or someone else in the house) not do a house inspection.