To seek a diagnosis in my 40s?

[VaguelyDownwards]

I've become increasingly sure that I may be ND in someway. I am in my mid 40s now and the 'symptoms' seem to be getting worse. I've always been a just get on with it type of person and I'm not sure if I'm trying to find an excuse for the fact that I'm just a bit shit at life!

The older I get the more I feel like I'm different to everyone else. I've had these feelings all my life, but they are getting increasingly worse. I feel odd, like I don't fit in and like I'm trying to pretend to be a 'real' person a lot of the time. I've always struggled with romantic relationships and have a history of anxiety/depression. I feel like I'll never be 'normal'.

I struggle to sit still, finish tasks and just generally organise my life. My washing pile etc. is horrific. My DM told me yesterday that I don't cook enough home cooked meals for my DC and it really hurt me. She's right. I struggle to organise having the right food/ingredients etc (My DC are always fed however and well looked after) I feel like I'm just pretending to a grown up and failing at it.

A friend told me lately that she thinks I'm on the spectrum because of how anxious and blunt I am. AIBU to want to speak to my GP? Or am I just bandwagon jumping and trying to find excuses for myself?

I feel exactly the same as you, OP. I think a diagnosis might help me accept my differences as something to learn to live with, and adjust for, as opposed to seeing them as a personal failing. My sister had a recent diagnosis and found it helpful. If you have the money to go private and it's worth it to you, I say go for it.

Yes definitely. We're having to look at going private for DS as they won't put him on the waiting list. Thers just too many kids being referred and the list has been closed unless you already have a mental health condition.

But maybe their workplace will be more accommodating to WFH if they are diagnosed with a medical condition rather than just thinking they have it.

Having a lable can be beneficial in cases like that. I want my son diagnosed because it can help open doors and make adjustments to make life easier

Also in my 40s and have recently have a diagnosis for ADHD and ASD and whilst I’m not actually taking the medication yet because of contraindications with another medical condition, knowing more about myself and being able to understand why I feel a certain way or do certain things has been incredibly powerful.

Another 40-something autistic woman here. I've had terrible mental health for most of my life. Had private and NHS counselling, psychotherapy, even under the care of a psychiatrist for a while it was so bad. Turns out it was just undiagnosed autism and trying to navigate a world where I didn't feel wanted or accepted and was made to feel a huge burden by those around me. Made me want to end my life on a fairly regular basis.

A lot of time therapists would tell me I needed to accept myself but that seemed very hard to do when other people literally wouldn't accept me.

Finding out about my autism at 45 has been a literal lifesaver for me. I can finally accept myself. And if others don't, well their ableism is a them problem and no concern of mine.

@BusyGreenFinchyou articulated this a lot better than I did as this has been my experience too.

50 and 52 for autism and ADHD diagnoses. Not fucking labels. Medical DIAGNOSES. As I hit peri menopause, all the difficulties is experienced throughout my life magnified tenfold. Hormones are awful things when you're ND. Hrt and the above has transformed my life, mostly about how I view myself. Doing much better head wise, more confident, medicated so calmer, more focused and less anxious. Have adjustments in work so I can not just do my job, but actually exceed and succeed. Fucking wonderful. Go for it.

I got diagnosed ADHD at 50. Pretty sure ASD as well.
Made me very depressed, I feel it’s ruined my life.
Not medicated. I suppose the only good thing is I can see why I do / have done certain things.

I'm in a similar position to you OP, similar age and have become aware in the past year or two I am very likely autistic and like you it's becoming more and more problematic especially in the past few years. I haven't decided whether to go for a diagnosis or not.