To think that when you go through something traumatic, people start questioning your credibility too?

[MyHeartyBlueShaker]

It’s like the more you struggle, the less people take you seriously. Whether it’s at work, with friends, or even in legal situations, trauma seems to make people view you as unreliable or overly emotional. Has anyone else noticed this?

Well when someone's struggle becomes all encompassing and they are only focused on that and have tunnel vision maybe but I can't give a total answer

Yanbu

I've been through so much abuse and suffering but people would just say that I'm the common denominator so it's my fault

I mean yes, I was autistic and vulnerable but how is it my fault that people took advantage 😭

Just keep your trauma story short and factual rather than emotional, when meeting new people xx

I’ve found the opposite because maybe it’s down to how you handle the ‘struggle’. People seem to very much respect resilience.

You tell new people you meet about your trauma?

I mean more potential friends or people who you'd naturally tell **

The first time you meet though? Everyone has trauma, I wouldn’t start a potential friendship by discussing it as part of an intro.

I think sometimes people trauma dump and that can be very off putting.

Not just respect it but expect it, I think, and that's where it can be problematic.

It's the whole "inspiration porn" issue - finding that balance between sharing stories about people who've overcome massive difficulties to succeed and celebrating their achievements, and making sure it's still understood that all struggles are different and you can't expect everyone in the same "group" to be able to do the same.

There are people with cancer who run marathons; that doesn't mean all people with cancer who can't run marathons lack resilience - that sort of thing. I think it's the lack of nuance in how society views resilience that can be quite challenging for people to navigate!

I see where you're coming from and it resonates.

I've had to pare my friend circle down since DP died and it has lead to one cluster fuck after another. Survival is pretty much all I have to focus on, and I have nothing else to talk about, so I don't, except with about three really close people who have similar experiences of "you couldn't make this shit up" scenarios.

There's a weird sense of embarrasment and a slight whiff of Typhoid Mary. Sometimes resilience is simply quiet survival. My catchphrase when I meet old acquaintances who earnestly enquire how I am is simply "Oh, you know, muddling through" and then I ask them about their lives because nobody has time for my volume of crap in the middle of Aldi or waiting for a bus.

I don’t think the OP meant that she tells people on first meeting. Just when it comes up, as it will in some friendships.
OP I know what you mean. You feel a bit marked in some way, a person with an imperfect situation or life that causes some people subconsciously or otherwise to treat you differently. It’s hard to articulate but I know what you’re talking about.

Interesting point. I think I've been on both sides of this.
I know someone who trauma dumps frequently and liberally, and not only do I feel that I am running out of empathy, I also think there are so many traumatic things in this person's life it's like I can't quite comprehend it. My brain switches off on some level when they start talking about it.
There is also a part of me that feels irritated that this person doesn't seem to be able to take any action, despite there being many things they could do to improve their situation (at least this is how it seems from the outside - I KNOW it's not always that easy).
When I was going through a difficult time, I can recognise now that I was not good company. I feel a bit embarrassed looking back now, although I really shouldn't as none of it was my fault and I was really struggling.

No not the first time you meet, more when it's naturally expected to explain your lifestyle

For instance, I'm a mum of one, it's just me and dd. Had to start my life from scratch when I had her, etc, rather than spilling your entire lore

I guess one issue is that experiencing trauma can lock you into a pattern of self-destructive behaviour that from the outside can be interpreted as "well x just makes repeated bad decisions/ is flaky / exaggerates for attention etc." which may be true but it's a symptom of the trauma. So for example I know someone who was v badly bullied at school and then went to Uni (where I met them) and basically reinvented themselves and wasn't bullied, but that experience really affected their boundaries, so either they tended to overreact to small slights (which has amongst other things got them both fired and arrested) or were always trying to outcrazy/ outsocialise everyone to carve this new identity , which got them in A&E several times. They also used to make stuff up- they effectively rewrote their teenage years probably to avoid conversations about being bullied but you can imagine that when a new friend finds out that you totally lied about being at boarding school and your parents were missionaries in India (yes really) that you lose some credibility. But honestly, I totally get why this person ended up like that. It was just not in our gift to really address it, particularly as we only found out about the bullying years and years later.

Yes I find that I still end up saying a lot of 'Yes I'm fine how are you?' It's hard to get the balance right because it means when I get a big illness flare that I worry people think I'm faking because I was 'fine' a week earlier! And people really are very poor at knowing how to respond on the rare occasions I do say 'Actually I'm not very well at the minute,' you can almost see the fear in their eyes, as if my bad luck is like the evil eye and can be passed on 😂 Or more likely that they are worried it will impact on them in some way.

I'm sorry about your partner ❤️

@Jabtastic

Thank you x and solidarity x ❤️

I think perceptions can get very skewed on both sides. When you are going through something traumatic, it can be all consuming, and it is going round in your head all of the time. As far as you are concerned, you barely mention your trauma to people at all, compared to how much you think about it. However, to some people, even mentioning that something has happened in a factual sense is enough to change perceptions of you.
It is really to know how to pitch things sometimes. I recently got bad news about something, and it is not something that I can easily hide from people. I worried a lot about how I would handle telling people, and on the end I told people that needed to know digitally, and made the point of saying that we do not have to discuss it at all. I only told them because they needed to know, not because I wanted sympathy or treating any differently. When I see them, I will be very careful to be super upbeat and breezy, and avoid talking about anything personal at all. The ironic thing is that people say that I never ask for help, and act hurt about that. However, I am astute enough to know that they are saying it out of duty, and if I did ask for help I would be judged
It is lonely as fuck, but ultimately I know that nobody wants to hear about my shit, not even friends. People want to talk about themselves not me, and I am happy to let them.