Looking for desperate advice

[sansalab]

Hello mums,
ive got a 3 week old baby, and we are starting to struggle financially very badly.
I’m on maternity allowance not SMP so get £187 per week. My OH earns around £32,000 before tax which may seem a lot but after bills and everything we are skint. I pay household bills and he pays rent and car payments. Our rent is £850 for a 3 bed, it’s a shitehole, mold infested and our hob doesn’t even work so I can’t cook properly. The rest of wage goes on his car payment and emergency money if there is anything left.
My household bills cost me around £900 so it leaves me to have to use overdraft and credit cards to pay for electricity and food. Please don’t work out the maths, we don’t have enough.
UC wont touch us as we earn to much but we are worse off.
I’ve sold all my valuables on to pay for previous bills and to get by.
we have no savings, my OH is locked into a financial deal with his car so we can’t sell it.
So what the hell do I do, Mother in law can look after my DD for 1-2 days a week, I can put DD in nursary at 8 weeks for £80 a day !!! If I get a job the most I will earn is roughly £30 k, I can’t work self employed on MAT allowance.
I don’t know what people do in our position.
Please give so advice as one stressed mum can’t even afford food this week.

£600 a month on a car when he earns 32k is madness even before taking into account a baby and mat leave. Can he end the lease (either by terminating or transferring) and get something cheaper. You are living way beyond your means and need to get to grips with costs of essentials and then set about reducing luxury items (like the car).

What kind car is your partner buying for £600 a month? BMW?

Good God! Things must have been a lot different for you to have taken on such a finance deal. They must have looked at affordability and thought it was OK.

How much of it has he paid off? You may have to hand it back.

And I hope the support advises them to ditch the £600/month car.

Move to a 1 or 2 bed flat for a year. Get shot of the car one way or another and get a cheap run around, 600 is extortionate. Split all household bills at least equally.

This is absolutely bloody insane on your income???? You have to call the lease company and see if there is anything you can do. Utter madness !!!

I’m appalled that this was approved by the lender. I thought it had to be ‘responsible lending’ these days.
You need to ring the lease company and explain the position it is leaving you in with a baby. I think you’ll find they may take it back. There’s a term for a voluntary return and I don’t believe you get financially penalised but it may well affect your credit for the near future.
Did you not consider family planning? Surely you did some sums prior? I once had to terminate a much wanted pregnancy as we realised the maths weren’t going to math. (Edited to say that I’m not suggesting you should have done this but that in a climate where we all know full well how expensive life is that this seems to be a shock situation to you).
You need to return the car asap. I think you need to look again at universal credit. I’ll be very surprised if you’re entitled to absolutely nothing, even if it’s just help with childcare to get you into work.
Good luck, I truly hope things improve but you’re going to have to resolve to just getting on with it for the sake of your young family.

That’s a disproportionate amount of your income to be spending on a car. It has to go.

What are your mobile phone expenses like? I know people who are spending ridiculous amounts. I have a secondhand iPhone 8 that cost a couple of hundred, and a sim only contract for £7.50 a month.

Go through all your bills and check your not paying for anything that you no longer use like an old subscription or something.

Do you have large debts? You say about living on credit cards, so I was wondering if you are paying a lot in interest somewhere, which is money down the drain.

You can't pay your part of bills because you're on mat leave with his child, so he needs to be supporting you, and his child.

As a pp advised, joint account for joint expenses, with contributions based on income from both of you, what he's doing is financial abuse. You need to sort this out now, or it will get worse, with you paying for childcare, rather than it being a family cost.

As others have said, get onto environmental health and landlord about the mould and the hob - landlord can get you a countertop hob for less than £100. Apply for council housing and look at the private rental market too, you don't need 3 beds.

As others have said car has to go, and I'd really question him claiming that he can't get out of the deal, it's much more likely that he doesn't want to. He should not be willing to drive around in an expensive car while his baby sleeps in a cold, mouldy house.

You need to get advice on managing your debt - ideally in person, together, so he can't defend continuong the car payments or you putting baby essentials on a credit card.

Seriously? £600 a month on a sodding car! Then coming on here saying you can't afford food.....in the nicest possible way you both need to get a grip and get rid of the car as soon as possible.
There are finance deals where you pay a £99 deposit and £99pm for a decent, new ish car.....they just aren't fancy.
I would also be asking my partner for details of his incomings and outgoings, gone through with a fine tooth comb...he's shafting you somewhere.

£600 a month on a bloody car,

Can you take in ironing for cash?
Clean a couple of homes per week for cash (take baby with you)?
Mow neighbours' lawns for cash?

Make sure you’re claiming child benefit, that’s £102.40 a month - might be going up marginally in April - and can at least be put towards things for your baby.

This absolutely isn’t adding up though - you and your partner need to combine your income and pay bills from one pot. You have a baby now, none of this his and hers money.

Have you applied for child benefit?

You might not be eligible for UC but apply and they will tell you any other help you may be able to get and you may be able to get a payment whilst they make a decision,

Use a food bank, baby bank, check online for free items, a lot of people who are getting rid of baby clothes will gladly give them to a family in need.

Are you sure he is locked into that car lease or is he fibbing you off - although you are a couple, it sounds like he is getting a better deal than you from what you have said has been paid

If you are wanting to work but can't afford the childcare fees, why not try childminding yourself, or you could do before and after school wrap around care, if you contact the local council they can help with qualifications, etc. Its good money and everywhere is crying out for good childminders.

This one is really important to answer OP.

Where is the rest of the money going?

Yup. Things are tight, many many people in this position and it’s crap. But even with the car and rent costs the household income should keep food on the table while you have time look at benefits again and see if your housing situation can be improved on.

If for the moment we forget about the rent and car (as partner is paying these). Also put to one side food and electricity which you say are going on the credit card. You are spending £900 a month on household bills - that’s a lot.

I’m thinking you might’ve got caught up in a creeping subscription trap - you know how it goes, £30 each on a phone, £40 on broadband, then Netflix, Prime, Disney, Klarna, etc. Before you know it there’s 100’s slipping out of your account each month. Is that likely @sansalab?

Are you sure you can’t get UC? Have you done the benefits calculator? Doesn’t sound right that you can’t claim at the moment while on limited income. Have you started claiming Child Benefit yet too?

The threshold for UC varies according to circumstances. The colleague may have more children, childcare costs, higher rent, someone in their family may be getting PIP/DLA and/or be too unwell to work- all of these will raise the maximum allowance for UC.

I've just done a UC calculation based on OP's circumstances, and the entitlement is nil.

It's the car payments that are the problem, and the way the joint finances are managed.

If you're in a 3-bed you have a spare room, OP.

Could you consider getting a lodger?

You are spending more on your car per month than I spend on my mortgage.

You're effectively paying the cost of 2 homes.

This doesn’t add up

Go to Citizens Advice and ask for a budget review. You'd be surprised how helpful this can be.

@sansalab I don't want you to feel attacked by the comments here if you really are worried about eating.

You've got a tiny baby and things will be very stressful anyway right now.

But you do need to find the strength to confront this head on and answer some questions around what your partner is actually doing with his income.

It looks to me like you may be a victim of financial abuse where he is making you take out expensive debt and sell your things in order to eat while he drives what must be quite a fancy car (that he claims he cannot get rid of) and he also appears to have control of the "emergency money".

This is not a healthy relationship if so. And it isn't acceptable for him to treat you and your child like this.

People here can help a lot with living cost advice and benefits (child benefit, tax credits, UC etc) but if you are in a financially abusive relationship that is the main issue

Your partner has left over money from his wages so where is that going?
Do you have any extra outgoings such as sky or gym memberships?

If all else fails your partner needs to get a 2nd job working evenings or weekends. You shouldn't be using your cc for food!

Edit - agree with pp, go to Citizens Advice as they can do budget and debt management tailored to your circumstances, as well as to check to see if you are entitled to any benefits. Worth trying.

How much is your overdraft, OP? You mentioned it but not how much it is.

Are you having to pay off debts month after month?