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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To message DP neighbour on FB

34 replies

theverved · 08/04/2025 10:44

My DP are in their 80s. They recently discovered they had rats nesting under their shed. They had someone come and sort it out and were advised that the neighbours bird feeders were attracting the rats

my DF spoke to his neighbours who agreed to take the feeders down. Fast forward 1 week and the feeders are back up. DF asked their neighbour about this and was basically told that by the neighbour that they have no issues with rats in their garden and as their children enjoy watching the birds they’d be leaving the feeders up.

DM is beside herself with worry and stress about the rats.

I have their neighbour as a friend in Facebook so last night I messaged them and told them once again what my parents had been advised and asked them to take feeders down. No reply as yet.

Told my DS and she has gone mad at me. Said it was out of order to contact neighbours and said I could have caused trouble for DP. Said it is not my business to sort.

I contacted them as I was worried that my DP may not have advocated for themselves as well as I could.

Was it unreasonable to reach out?

OP posts:

Onthelinetoday · 08/04/2025 10:46

It was unreasonable to reach out without letting them know what you were intending on doing.

I also don’t think Facebook is the appropriate platform to do it though

Shoxfordian · 08/04/2025 10:47

It's all unreasonable really, the neighbours are entitled to have bird feeders if they want to, maybe the shed can be secured more to deter rats? I don't think you should have contacted them though, they've made their decision.

FoxRedPuppy · 08/04/2025 10:47

Unreasonable to tell them again. You’ve told them and they’ve decided they want the bird feeders. You can’t dictate what they have in their garden.

Hoppinggreen · 08/04/2025 10:48

Rats in the garden aren't a big deal unless they are causing damage or coming into the house so unless either of those things are happening There is nothing to worry about
Also, if your parents neighbours want to have bird feeders up they have every right to and the fact that they put them back up means they DO want them
I think you over stepped, unless it was life or death you should have stayed out of it, unless of course your parents ask for your help.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 08/04/2025 10:49

You're really being unreasonable. Bird feeders in a garden is such a normal thing to have, as long as they store the food where rats can't get to it then it's not that much of an attraction.

UndermyShoeJoe · 08/04/2025 10:50

They are allowed bird feeders. Your parents have asked. They complied but then missed the birds so decided to feed them again.

They are not doing anything wrong unless they maybe have too many feeders and attracting hordes of pigeons and such.

Dumbdog · 08/04/2025 10:52

Gently, I think asking them to take down their feeders is ridiculous. You haven’t suggested your parents take down their shed, which would solve the rat nest problem, have you?

Rats are always going to live close to humans and one set of bird feeders isn’t supporting an entire colony. You remove the feeders, they focus on the compost heaps. Get rid of them and they break into the bins.

Much better to focus on minimising contact with the rats - make sure the shed is free from points of entry, put rat-proof grates over drains / pipes / air bricks etc.

To answer your OP more specifically - yes, you were unreasonable to message them. You may have had a better outcome if you’d talked to them face to face, but as above, you are focusing on the wrong thing.

MrsSkylerWhite · 08/04/2025 10:53

YABU. There are rats everywhere, with or without bird feeders. You can’t tell people what they can and can’t do in their own garden.

BobbyBiscuits · 08/04/2025 10:53

It's not really your business. And frankly if there are no rats in their garden I don't see why they should have to remove the feeders.

During summer bird feeders aren't necessary so hopefully they'll take them down then?

But if I were you I'd leave it. Just focus on helping your mum do rat proofing or whatever in her own property.

EilishMcCandlish · 08/04/2025 10:55

What a massive over reach. So rude of you. The neighbours have every right to have bird feeders. There are rats all over the place. You need to manage your mother's stress, not try to dictate to their neighbours how they live in their own space.

northerneast · 08/04/2025 10:57

‘Was it unreasonable to reach out?’

God OP you were not ‘reaching out’ you were trying to dictate what they do in their own garden. That’s utterly batshit. I understand mentioning it once but they took the feeders down then decided they wanted to have them so put them back. What makes you think you have any right to ‘tell them once again’? You should be embarrassed for thinking you can control what they do.

AnSolas · 08/04/2025 11:00

Yes it was unreasonable as you messaged them rather than spoke to them in person

One solution is to collect the chaff etc so:
Go to B&Q buy a cheap bucket drill holes on the sides to stop it collecting water and attach to the bottom of the feeder

https://www.diy.com/departments/orange-12l-bucket/5059340100364_BQ.prd

Add eyes and a funny face stickets for the children to create art

Orange 12L Bucket

This Bucket is suitable for use with a range of DIY applications.

https://www.diy.com/departments/orange-12l-bucket/5059340100364_BQ.prd

QueefQueen80s · 08/04/2025 11:18

your parents need to secure the shed, you can’t stop other people feeding their birds.

Agapornis · 08/04/2025 11:26

What do they think the rats are going to do, give them the plague?

Your parents are providing the perfect rat nesting habitat, so need to take responsibility. They could fill the space under the shed with sand. Are their bins secure? Do they have a compost heap? Do they grow flowers with nice seedheads?

ScaryM0nster · 08/04/2025 11:28

Totally unreasonable.

If your parents had asked you to then it might have been different.

Hoppinggreen · 08/04/2025 11:30

AnSolas · 08/04/2025 11:00

Yes it was unreasonable as you messaged them rather than spoke to them in person

One solution is to collect the chaff etc so:
Go to B&Q buy a cheap bucket drill holes on the sides to stop it collecting water and attach to the bottom of the feeder

https://www.diy.com/departments/orange-12l-bucket/5059340100364_BQ.prd

Add eyes and a funny face stickets for the children to create art

And that would be a great idea IF the Feeders were in OP's parents garden

Els1e · 08/04/2025 11:37

Yes, sorry but you were unreasonable. Rats are everywhere, with or without bird feeders. If I was your parents, I'd get rid of current shed and build on new one on concrete base.

Edenmum2 · 08/04/2025 11:45

Why is your mum so worried about a few rats in the garden? Rats are everywhere

Cinderelala · 08/04/2025 11:47

Just block up under the shed so the rats can't get in. They'll soon find somewhere else to go.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 08/04/2025 11:57

If the rats are nesting in your parents garden then they need to have that dealt with. They need an exterminator or to take down the shed or something to deal with the nest.

Rats are everywhere. It's good news for your parents that they know where this particular nest is and that it's on their property so they can deal with it and aren't dependent on a neighbour doing anything.

EnjoythemoneyJane · 08/04/2025 11:59

You’re getting a bit of a kicking here, OP, but I don’t think it’s unreasonable of you to have asked the question again, even though it’s also not unreasonable for them to say no.

I have a lot of sympathy, though - where I used to live both we and the house two doors down had annual rat infestations because the neighbours in the middle put out food for the birds constantly - like 2 or 3 times a day - even throwing bacon rind and bread crusts out onto the grass every single morning.

Despite having one of the biggest gardens on the road, they positioned feeders against the back wall of our house (from which the rats would climb directly into our gutters and up into the roof space) and on the opposite fence (from which the rats would slip under the fence and nest directly under the sun room of the cottage the other side). They were always just wandering around, totally fearless - big fat rats on the feeders every day, chowing down in broad daylight then waddling back to their handy breeding spots!

They refused to move the feeders as they thought it would make the garden birds more vulnerable to raptors if they placed them out in the open, but gave no shits about the cost and stress to their neighbours. They were nice people and good neighbours otherwise, but it was bloody infuriating.

Not much you can do sadly, except use poison, which is horrific and dangerous to other wildlife, or else try to secure the spaces they’re nesting in, which is very difficult.

Hoppinggreen · 08/04/2025 12:10

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 08/04/2025 11:57

If the rats are nesting in your parents garden then they need to have that dealt with. They need an exterminator or to take down the shed or something to deal with the nest.

Genuinely, why?
If they aren't causing a problem why do they have to be dealt with? Because they lack the cute bushy tails that squirrels have?
I appreciate that sometimes unfortunately animals do have to be killed, usually when we encroach on their space BUT rats shouldn't be killed just for existing.

Londonrach1 · 08/04/2025 12:12

Yabu. You can't dictate what someone does in their garden. Feeding the birds is common thing and gives people pleasure. Maybe you should be sorting through shed out as that's the issue giving the rats somewhere to live

ItGhoul · 08/04/2025 12:15

The neighbours are allowed to have bird-feeders. And there are all sorts of things that attract rats anyway - including a handy spot for them to live, such as your parents' shed.

I think it was fine for your parents to ask them to take down the feeders. It was also fine for your neighbours to say no. And that should have been the end of the matter. Why would you imagine they'd have a different response to you than they did to your parents? I think if I were your neighbours, I'd have been telling you very clearly that this was none of your business, that I'd already have a conversation with your parents, and that you were not to contact me again.

Fourpawsblack · 08/04/2025 12:16

Almost every garden has rats. Why are you so concerned?

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