Is my husband bu or am I

[Pocketfullofsun]

Had a baby 6 months ago and trying to get into the full swing of weight loss only wants to loose a stone or 2. Husband is very over weight low end of obese according to nhs bmi. I love him the that he is and always have done find him very attractive but his weight has caused some issues like snoring/ possibly sleep apnea plus some other issues. He is very happy the way he is he loves his food and isn’t bothered about loosing weight. I’ve said to him why don’t we tackle this together make healthy changes as a family. He said no he’s happy the way he is I’m fine with that it’s his body he can do what he likes. Worried about his health but I can’t make him change. My only annoyance is he keeps snacking in front of me every night it’s chocolate on the sofa bowl of cereal before bed biscuits etc asking me if we want to go for a walk and get ice cream. I keep saying no but I find it so hard I’m don’t want to stop him eating what he wants in front of me but it’s excessive. Last night he went out to get some biscuits for after dinner he asked me if I wanted anything and I repeatedly said no not unless it was no calories or extremely healthy. He came back with my favourite chocolate for me I said I didn’t want it and could he take them to work which he did. I mentioned how it wasn’t fair to be tempting me like that he didn’t see the issue. I’m really un happy with how I look at the moment and he knows that so not sure why he isn’t as supportive. We also have a baby so I want him to be healthy and happy. He is physically fit as he exercises and is active just very overweight.

There are two seperate issues here.

He is being unreasonable not supporting you in your weight loss.

If he has suspected sleep apnea then he really needs to see a GP. I’m guessing he was over weight before you had a child so no you can’t expect him to change.

It’s fine that he eats what he wants, you can’t force him to change (doesn’t sound like you are trying to, to be fair). I don’t think he is being unreasonable to snack in front of you.

However, he is being unreasonable to not support you and to be buying stuff to try to derail you. That is unfair and he needs to stop.

His health is a different point - has he seen a doctor over the sleep apnea etc? I don’t blame you for being worried about it, even though you can’t force him to change (as above).

good luck on your journey OP! I need to lose about the same but can’t get the motivation sadly. I keep telling myself “next week” - hope it goes well for you.

You are a grown independent woman are you not, and can also think for yourself? So please practice that and leave him to his own thoughts and feelings, people can label this whatever they want but there are so many threads of women who appear unable to think for themselves on lots of different topics, women are equally as capable as men for thinking are they not?

He is allowed to buy what he wants it is up to you to not eat it

I think that's really double standards: Telling OP to let him buy what he wants and allow him to eat it is one thing. But when he asks her if she wants him to bring something back for her she repeatedly says no he goes and buys it for her anyway. So he is not listening to her at all and is actively trying to not allow her to do what she wants as regards eating. He is doing the very thing you are inexplicably accusing OP of doing.

I don't think it's uncommon for an overweight person to undermine their partner's attempts to lose weight and have a healthier life style. There have certainly been threads on MN about it in the past.

Tbh apart from his health issues I would worry how his attitude to food will also impact on the health of the baby as it grows up. If he is actively encouraging OP to eat unhealthily then he is likely to do that to his child and create lifelong weight and food issues with her.

There really needs some deep conversation between OP and her H because apart from OP's unhappiness with her appearance the health implications for the whole family are very serious. If her H actually loves his wife and child he needs to take on board that encouraging them to eat healthily is important. He should also realise that jeopardising his own health the way he is will eventually have a very negative effect on their happiness.

He was unreasonable for buying your favorite chocolate if it was intended for you, and not for himself (and just happened to be your favorite) when you Said you didn't want it. You are unreasonable for having an issue with him eating snacks in front of you and trying to make him change his diet when he doesn't want to. Of course healthy choices are good, but if a woman was on here saying "My husband has said I'm overweight and he wants me to stop eating snacks because he wants me to lose weight" that wouldn't be okay, so it's not okay to do it to a man either.

Me husband and I were you two but the opposite. DS was 6 months and I had horrendous PND that was sort of getting better. DH wanted to lose weight. I said great so good for you, but right now, my weight is not a priority. I ate normal and ate snacks. I did ask if he’d prefer I didn’t eat in front of him but he said no. He later said he turned it into a game where he would say ‘pfff I’m not even tempted by that chocolate Lyndzb is eating’ and it worked. Turn it into a game, tell yourself you’re not bothered and be quietly smug about it!

DH lost weight and got healthy. I did the same about 18 months later ha.