AIBU not letting my ex claim child benefit for one child?

[Montybear]

Before anybody comes for me, I know we have equal rights as parents of our 2 children, but I just can't agree to this. Abit of back ground...
Me and my ex were together for 10 years and have 2 children together dd 12 and ds 5. We've been separated for 4 years now. My ex has always been rubbish with money and in the past gambled and used his money for drugs (withoit me knowing) and so i have always provided for the family. I am completely opposite, I had saved over 12k towards purchasing a house prior to us separating. My ex ia very controlling and I now believe I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. Friends and family have all said the same. He would always manipulate me and make me feel guilty if I didn't lend him money. Over the last few years I have "lent" my ex money for bills etc, and he's also threatened on several occasions to kill himself because he lost his job and has nobody but me and the kids. He knows exactly what to say to make me cave. He lives in a 1 bedroom council flat. I live in a small 3 bed house, and claim UC towards my rent. I work full time and have never claimed benefits until now. My rent is 875 and I don't get a penny from my ex. He now wants to claim for one child for child benefit so that he can get a 2 bedroom flat through the council. I would have no issue with this however I am now left with no savings and will lose over 350 in UC as I will only be able to claim for 1 child. This is my child's home and it upsets me that I will have to either move my kids into my parents house or move to a flat. I shoukd also point out that my dd does not get on with her dad and does not want to stay at his. My son is only 5 so loves his dad however even he says he wants to stay with mummy and not stay over at dads. Aibu?

Better than email is a court approved parenting app.

He doesn't want child benefit. He wants easy housing at your expense or he'll be abusive.

Tell him to fuck off. And get your friends and family round you because this idiot needs to sort himself out.

You need to document everything, every penny he hasn't paid/ borrowed. Everytime he has the kids/ let's them down. I would keep everything and evidence as much as possible because if he came for custody you would have to prove your the primary parent. Your son doesn't want to stay, there is no need for your sons room to move from your house to his.

Under these circumstances, absolutely not. He's trying to perpetuate fraud by getting a flat bigger than he's entitled to.

He already owes you money, and he should be giving you money towards the children's costs, so don't let him have any more money that you are entitled to.

It sounds like he is emotionally abusive, so he has convinced you that he is being reasonable, and you are scared of standing up to him. You end up internalising it and it's very hard to get out of that way of thinking, because it feels like it's keeping you safe.

I'd recommend The Freedom Programme, through your local domestic abuse organisation - it looks at different patterns of abusive behaviour. Once you understand what he is doing, it's easier to resist. Having friends or family to support you with this makes a huge difference.

Yes, you both have equal parental responsibility. But you aren't both meeting those responsibilities equally. You aren't both equally competent. It's ok to choose to do what's best for your children.

None of that is in your kids best interests, so keep that right at the front of your mind