DH and I have been together for over 12 years and are both 30 years old. He was my first and only partner. We having a loving and respectful relationship and we are best friends.
About 18 months ago our sex life started to teeter off. I wouldn’t say that either of us has a super high sex drive but we used to have sex constantly around twice a week and both seemed happy with this. Now we are having sex maybe once every 6 weeks and it’s been like this for 18 months.
For context, I’m on long term anti-depressants due to childhood trauma. I’ve always thought this might be impacting my sex drive slightly but I was happy with twice a week so didn’t really give it a second thought, even if I feel like my drive is low I will make an effort to get myself more in the mood and initiate things,
I would say that it’s always been 50/50 who initiates being intimate, however I personally would love to feel more desire and interest from him as this is what tends to get me going… and if this was the case I could see myself having a lot more sex.
He has stopped initiating things all together. We only have sex if it’s me kicking things off, and I’m struggling to want to do that cause he doesn’t seem that bothered? When we do have sex we both enjoy it.
I’ve tried to speak to him and he says he still finds me sexy but just feels like his sex drive has gone a bit. The longer it goes on the less desirable I feel and the less I also want to keep initiating things. I just really want to feel like he really fancies me. We kiss and cuddle a lot but he doesn’t really ‘flirt’ with me or engage with me in a sexual way. I feel like it’s always me bringing it up as I really want to get to the bottom of why we aren’t having sex that much anymore as I want this to change, he says he will try harder and then nothing really changes. I’m so open to trying new things in the bedroom as I want him to feel turned on, but to be honest he gets really awkward when I talk about that kind of stuff.
I love him and really want this to change as everything else is great in our relationship.
Is this normal? He sees a therapist but as far as I know he has never discussed our sex life with them and he doesn’t seem to feel as concerned about it as I do.