AIBU unreasonable to be sad about never being in love?

[SK39]

I got married in my 20s, mostly because everyone else was doing it and everyone made me think if you don’t have a baby by 30 , you’d never be able to fall pregnant which is so ridiculous. DH and I had similar jobs, similar upbringings, on paper all ok but I was never swept away by him.

I care about him and of course love him but there’s no passion and no spark, basically no fun in our marriage. If I’m being perfectly truthful, there never has been and since DC left home, we don’t even have anything to talk about. There’s also nothing wrong, he’s perfectly pleasant and helps a bit in the house. He’s not amazing but he isn’t completely useless. He wasn’t so helpful when the children were younger but improved when they were teenagers.

Do other women regret settling and look back and feel sad that they’ll never experience that feeling of being swept off your feet? I just feel sad that at 50 I don’t know what it feels like be in love with someone and to have someone feel head over heels about me?

I’m sorry, I’m not expecting sympathy just to know I’m not alone.

It's just hormones though, what we call love like that is our sex drive trying to make sure we have babies.

It's worth remembering that the obsessive head over heels settles into something steadier and more mundane relatively quickly so don't think you're missing out on some lifelong state of existence.

Am around your age. I had the same all my life too, in a series of 10yr relationships. I never felt that sort of love. Left them all or they left me. Recently fell in love and him with me, felt floaty and magical. Like my time had finally come! This was it! Yet a good few months in, and those feelings have eased off… there’s so many real-life issues to deal with and the reality of someone once those intense feelings ease. I think romantic love is a construct. But would love to be be able to prolong that high for a lifetime.

I don’t think I’ve ever really been in love or a healthy relationship.