I self sabotaged yesterday and really would appreciate some perspective

[Plife]

I’ve lost 30 pounds. Probably have a similar amount to go. But really got almost addicted to “being good”. It’s hard to explain I was getting a buzz from knowing I was triumphing every single day and working towards leaving the fat me behind (who I have come to despise). Being fat really has ruined my life as I have shut myself away.

Weirdly it wasn’t too hard work not to spoil my diet plan as it was just doing my mental health the world of good. And I was feeling so empowered to broaden my horizons again.

Anyway yesterday was the first day in months where I really overdid it. I must have drank two bottles of red wine which just gave me a massive appetite- cheesy garlic bread, pasta, pizza, lasagna, birthday cake, crisps, crumble (I think I ate an entire wheel of Brie 😭) etc. All consumed in a very short period of time when very drunk.

I just feel disgusting today. I’m VERY anxious. I know the weight didn’t come on over night and it won’t be piled on from one day being bad. But I just have so much anxiety! Maybe I’m scared this is the beginning of the end?

I really could cry. What is wrong with me? My head cannot get my heart to see logic! Not like me at all

Also I’d like to gently suggest removing alcohol from your life, if not cutting it down. You might be surprised at how easy it is and how much better you feel about everything. I highly recommend checking out podcasts with Andy Ramage or Ruari Fairbairns (One Year No Beer)
for some inspiration.

Very thought provoking post. Thank you for sharing.

I think I have probably developed some unhelpful thoughts. To me losing weight/eating healthily= getting my life back. It’s very encouraging but I do demonise fat me who comfort eats. Especially as I ended up in such a bad place mentally.

The anxiety will be hugely magnified by the alcohol come down.

Its the booze! If I drank 2 bottles of wine the next few days afterwards I would be soooo hungover and wracked with anxiety and go over every single thing i did and overthink and obsess. Its not even about the food! Let it go. Stuffing your face once in a while is perfectly fine. You wont feel like this tomorrow or the next day. x

Also, I think you need to reframe this. Just think you have lost weight and feel good, but now you had an amazingly fun and carefree afternoon and evening, with friends and family and ate and drank with wild abandon! Arent you lucky.

Its a great thing. Just get back to your sensible diet now and if the opportunity comes up again just enjoy yourself again! It wont affect your weight loss.

I’m sure the wine is a massive factor. I haven’t drank that much in a very long time. And red is not normally my go to but it was just hitting the spot yesterday with all the food.

i just wish I could fast forward the next two weeks of really sticking to my meal plans. I would feel so much better after regaining control and knowing this isn’t the end of my weight loss.

And now you know alcohol in large amounts is a trigger to eat masses. So you don't put yourself in that situation.

Be kind to yourself. You've done amazing and you've had a little blip. Back onto feeling amazing.

I have had this, and it takes me a lot to get past it and 'back on track'. It's definitely more the emotions and subsequent reactions that do the damage rather than the day off track.

First, you haven't ruined anything. It's hard to believe it sometimes but keep reminding yourself it is not ruined. Only your reaction to it will determine its impact on your overall progress.

I know its also better to view things as a lifestyle change and there are no good/bad foods or days - but I also know when starting out - its hard not to frame 'old me' behaviors around certain foods as bad.

I can see you've already logged the calories. That's probably helpful to see it the grand scheme of the week. Not to say you should 'punish' yourself - but having a couple of lighter days and you'll still likely find yourself at a maintenence calorie level.

Also I'm sure I read somewhere that 1 pound ~ 3500 calories. So what, if you ate at maintenence every other day, you might put on 1.5 pounds?

Draw a line under it.

Some activities I sometimes find helpful to help me get back on track.

Do your meal plan for the week
Find a new 'healthly' recipe that keeps you inspired to stay on track
Pre-plan what you will do on the next occasion - its okay to have a less than optimal day but it's easier to accept it and get right back on the healthy stuff, if you already 'chose' to have a cheese and wine night.
Reflect and journal if that's your thing - what happened, what triggered it, how you can avoid them Triggers or mitigate the damage.
Do an exercise class or go for a walk - not to 'burn off the excess' - but because it feels good - it also inspires me to be a little healthier in my food choices lest I undo the benefits.

If nothing else, this is a reminder to myself to do these things 😅

I think I miss feeling proud of myself. It’s been a while since I’ve felt shame around my eating.

The anxiety won't be helped by the hangover.

Don't beat yourself up. You're doing brilliantly, 30 lbs off is great.

You can't do anything about yesterday. Just get back on the horse keep at it.

It’s absolutely fine to have a blow out and over indulge once in a while. It doesn’t have to be about you losing control, you can decide to have a day of not counting the calories sometimes.

I don’t know how to phrase this without sounding like a bit of a nob, but here goes.

Don’t be hard on yourself it wasn’t great but it hasn’t diminished what you have achieved. See it as a learning experience (there’s the nobby sounding bit). I imagine you discovered lots of things that worked for you while you lost the 30 pounds and lots that didn’t. And probably things about yourself, you character that surprised you. Now you know which situations might set you on a binge.

Next time be relaxed about it, it’s one day, not a big deal. If you know you are likely to splurge, make sure you eat extra healthily the day before and the day after. I think if you take it in your stride that you will have days like that from time to time you will actually binge less. Because it’s not a big deal, you won’t think, “I’ve failed so fuck it, I may as well fail big time.”

And remember, anyone who has drunk a couple of bottles of wine is going to have hangxiety for a day or two afterwards so that is adding to how you feel about your blip.

Well done by the way. Losing 30 pounds is a big deal 👏

Honestly OP, I do this about once a week. I'm on a weight loss plan that's very expensive and I'm good about 80% of the time then I lose control and mess up my week so I never really lose any weight. The only upside is I'm no longer gaining, which I was doing rapidly so I'm trying to see the silver lining. This is me learning to maintain. Some day I'll do 90% compliance and the weight will move.

You've been amazing and ought to be proud. Forget what's done in 1 day and think to the next 5lbs or so. No guilt!!!

Thank you. I really appreciate you and every other poster who has gone out of their way to make this stranger (who admittedly is spiralling) to feel less shit!

I know it’s only one day of not optimal eating. But I think it is so in contrast with my recent habits of eating to within a calorie deficit. Which has given my mood such a boost. It allows me to feel productive, healthy etc. Which really has improved my self esteem over the past few months. And I have not felt good about myself in a very long time. I think the blowout has reminded me how crap I can feel about myself. And it’s very overwhelming.

Hope that makes sense.

Just get straight back on it, maybe have slightly lower calories than normal and lots of water and you’ll flush it out in no time. Sometimes we need a binge to get it out of the system and carry on for the next few months!

Also, I have heard that its good to have a blow out every so often for weightloss otherwise your body gets used to the low calories. It may be bollox but it always makes me feel better and it kinda makes sense. You trick your body every so often and go nuts! So you may have actually helped your body to lose more weight in the the long run!

you have been doing really well, this is just a blip on the road to where you want to be.

if you really want to break out of the endless cycle of being ‘good’ for a while then ‘kicking over the traces’ you might find Gillian Riley’s approach useful

https://www.eatinglessonline.com/

it helped me to choose what I eat by how I’ll feel immediately after I’ve eaten and the hours thereafter. Much easier to get to grips with than something more remote like how my body shape will change. Hope you find what works for you.