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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel irritated about being pressured into doing an abseil even though I kept saying no

3 replies

TheBlueRobin · 07/04/2025 08:49

Me and my partner went to go visit my best friend and her partner for the weekend on the other side of the country. Taking advantage of the good weather, they had planned to go for a hike and enjoy being outside. Unfortunately my friend twisted her ankle a few days before so said when we got there that she wouldn't be able to do a big walk but we'll do something low key instead. Not a problem, I'm very easy going and grateful to them for hosting.

My friends partner is an outdoor instructor- climbing, caves, boats etc. As an option my friend said we could go to a beauty spot and abseil off a bridge. She said 'you can say no, no pressure at all'. I said 'sounds fine. My partner will love that. Not for me at all but I'll enjoy watching'

Now my friend text her partner as they were our saying 'BlueRobin is a maybe, will see how she feels' and I said quite firmly no I won't be doing it. And she looked at me and giggled as if to make me think I'm being silly.

My friend and I have been friends for 12+ years. She knows I don't enjoy heights or anything related to those activity adventure things. I would freak out and get upset and be no fun for anyone. When we were setting off, they said oh we'll put in an extra harness and helmet just in case. And when we got there, they kept saying how fun it would be. When my partner and her partner walked back to the car to get the equipment, he ended up saying look 'TheBlueRobin definitely won't do this. You don't need to keep asking'.

I didn't do it, but I helped out with sorting ropes and getting some good footage, it was nice to watch. It just irritated me a bit that I said no and didn't feel listened to. I think my friend was more concerned about her partner's feelings than what I felt comfortable with.

On the whole we had a nice weekend and I don't expect to feel pandered to, but was surprised at their attitudes.

AIBU to feel a bit irritated by this?

OP posts:
Streaaa · 07/04/2025 08:54

I would feel deeply irritated by it.
I think it is a huge character flaw not to be able to accept know, like a 3 year old.

It would absolutely have me reassess the friendship.
I hate heights too and having to repeat myself would make me fxxking cranky and she would know it.

Well done for sticking to your guns, plus your partners support.

Hard swerve next time.

toomuchfaff · 07/04/2025 09:24

my friend was more concerned about her partner's feelings than what I felt comfortable with.

This is the crux of it... your feelings pale in comparison to the partner. You know your place in her hierarchy now. Do with that info what you will

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 07/04/2025 09:28

I hate it when people keep pushing when you've said no.

in future you could try "I have said no. Why are you not respecting that?" I started saying that after years of pussyfooting around shit like this. I can tell you that people who are relentlessly pushy start taking no for an answer pdq.

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