Can you help someone who doesn’t want to be helped?

[orangetree33]

I suspect I already know the answer to this but would be interested in other people’s thoughts.

Very close relative is suffering badly with MH issues and I would say quite significant reliance on alcohol too. Over the past few years they have had a lot of bad things happen ( health issues and the sudden death of their spouse) so I get it. Anyone would struggle. However it’s now got to a point where they barely leave the house other than to go to work. They make plans and almost always cancel because the thought of going out is too overwhelming. I have repeatedly offered to arrange and attend a GP appointment with them but it’s a flat no. I can only see this situation getting worse.

FWIW I have suffered from quite severe anxiety over the years and I know from experience that the longer you hide away and allow the anxiety to debilitate you, the harder it becomes to beat it. For every cancelled plan, the next one will be even harder to keep. I have tried speaking to my relative about this. Nothing changes. I’m just so sad for them and very concerned about what the future looks like unless things improve. We have no other family and I feel like the onus is on me to do something. But what?

No you can’t. It’s very hard to watch someone deteriorate and suffer but it’s not in your control. You can offer support but can’t do the work / healing for them.

You can try offer support in a different way ? Speaking from a close friend who lost their spouse, the best thing anyone did for them was going round to their house and batch cooking meals together, so they had a decent meal to eat every day - and explaining how important that is.
It’s a very sad time and maybe they can’t face the world or a GP, but they will definitely need their friends. Sometimes there are no words, but I’m sure they will appreciate you being there for them

Thank you for this. It has been a fine line between wanting to help but also having to protect myself and have boundaries too. Initially I went out of my way to help, even offered to move in with them for a while. But as time has gone off they seem to be getting worse not better and it is draining to be around, especially if they have been drinking when they can become spiteful and unpleasant.