Single mum, don’t feel good enough for my kids.

[LeopardPrintShorts]

I’m a single mum to a girl, 9 and a boy, 6. My son is autistic with challenging behavior, in a SEN class, not toilet trained as yet, you get the picture. It’s not easy. He is verbal but not conversational. It’s the Easter hols and I’m just feeling so sad today. My house is a mess, taking my boy out can feel like a mammoth task as he’s unpredictable. I have no family around me and their dad disappeared donkeys ago. Basically, I’m exhausted. I know all mums are but having a special needs child is on another level. I love my babies more than anything and I try to do a lot with them despite it being difficult with DS. In fact, I know I do a lot with them. But still, I feel worthless and not good enough. As I said, the flat is a disaster zone currently, I don’t work and can’t due to J’s needs. I feel like a statistic in a newspaper and one of those people that others eye roll at. I’ve lost my patience with the kids tonight due to meltdown after meltdown from my son. I only tried to do something nice by taking them swimming and the park. I’m sick of the public stares but most of all I’m sick of feeling like I’m not good enough when I try so hard every day. Sorry, this is rambling and depressing but I just needed to vent. I just feel like they deserve better.

Big unmumsnetty hugs OP it is relentless at the best of times and your situation sounds extra tough. Do your children go to bed at a reasonable hour? Can you set a 30 min timer to get your home back in order, doesn't need to be perfect just straightened out so your on top for the morning. Work out your plan of action for tomorrow and then sit down and chill in whatever way you like, you need it!

You sound pretty bloody amazing to me op.... doing this by yourself can't be easy. Be kind to yourself....I bet your kids love you to bits.

Oh op, don't be hard on yourself 🥺❤️

You're doing the best you can in challenging circumstances. I agree that the public are judgy and horrible to mums, especially sen mums.

Just keep going. Dd is 6 and has had two public meltdowns already. I got to the end of my tether yesterday as she threatened to lose it again in b&m 🥺 - I wasn't the understanding mum to her sensory needs, I just went STOP, now!

I feel bad too as I'm supposed to be her safe place, but just felt so exhausted. I'd love to do nice things with her too, but like you, the fallout is just stressful

One day at a time op. This Easter is about survival and peace. It doesn't have to look a certain way, you just need to go to bed each night, not feeling shitty.

Do you have any stay and play sessions, put on by your local council? There will be no judgement there and maybe you can have minute to yourself. Maybe some trips to the local park can count as a day out.

Can dd be sent to a friend's house for a day, so she gets out?

Whatever you do, you're doing your best and that's enough. You're the parent who stayed and chose those kids, you've nothing to feel bad about xx

My heart goes out to you. What you're doing is incredibly bloody hard.

I voted you are BU OP, but only because you're being far too hard on yourself. Life is bloody hard for everyone right now, let alone raising 2 children alone, with one of them being autistic. The fact that you take them out and do stuff with them, in spite of the difficulties, tells me that you're a very good Mum doing her best, so please stop being so down you yourself.

I'm so sorry @LeopardPrintShorts I have a son exactly like yours, same age as well, also not toilet trained, also in an ASN base and needing lots of support. He's non verbal though, just screeches and bangs. He used to say single words when he was a toddler but not now.

I find it v v difficult. I have a younger son who is 3 and he is neuro typical but very hard work too as he's so full of energy and is constantly demanding attention and chattering and just a whirlwind.

Every day is a struggle. So please don't feel bad and this is a great place to just vent. Are there any other mums from his Sen class that you can talk to? I found that useful this year as he joined primary 1 and there have been a few play dates that is nice because everyone on the same boat.

Sending hugs x