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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Who do I report her to?

14 replies

summerdreamings · 06/04/2025 16:30

This is coming from a place of care but I really don’t know what else to do.

I have a sister, in her 30s, who has numerous health conditions. She’s unemployed and has been since she was a late teen and is in receipt of PIP for her health.

She is a single parent to my 10 year old DN. She has had partners but no one sticks around for too long as she does put a lot of pressure on them to take care of her. DN has a very active father who has her a lot. Sister will go through periods where she’ll stop contact between DN and her dad briefly but that’s mostly due to her mental health, when she’s more stable, contact resumes.

Sisters health has definitely gotten worse lately and she’s having bouts where she’ll claim to not be able to walk. She also has days when she’s unable to drive safely and tells me how she has passed out while being a passenger. However, she’ll still drive to spite other people if people can’t drop everything to drive her places. She’s also risk driving when she feels like this with my DN in the car. Family members have all tried to speak to her, but she continues to do it in a “well if you can’t help me, I have no choice” kind of way. My parents and I all work full time so can’t just drop it to take her into town etc.

She is very hard work but we all try to help her as much as possible. Who can I speak to regarding her driving? She clearly shouldn’t have a license if there are some days that she can’t drive safely and these are more often than not recently.

Like I said, this is coming from a place of care. She is going to seriously harm herself, my DN or another road user if she has an episode behind the wheel. She is clearly lying about her symptoms to someone as surely one of the many doctors she sees would ask how her condition affects her driving.

OP posts:
IdLikeThingToSpiralIntoControl · 06/04/2025 16:32

Report her to the DVLA?

AmIAloneInThinking · 06/04/2025 16:32

DVLA

ZigZagJigsaw · 06/04/2025 16:33

The DVLA perhaps? Maybe also contact her GP. And also social services, as she is putting your niece at risk of physical harm.

summerdreamings · 06/04/2025 16:33

I thought the DVLA but couldn’t find where to do it. Thanks, I’ll look again.

OP posts:
summerdreamings · 06/04/2025 16:34

We have tried social services, as have the school due to comments made by my niece and they weren’t interested.

OP posts:
RobertaFirmino · 06/04/2025 16:34

I'm usually a MYOB advocate but when lives are at risk, you need to act for the greater good. Contact the DVLA tomorrow.

Babaganoush2013 · 06/04/2025 16:55

Crimestoppers?
I did this once about someone who I knew was drinking alcohol all day, whilst driving with her 3 small children in the car with no seat belts on.
It was addressed fairly promptly, but not before she crashed the car in to a lamp post (fortunately kids weren't in the car).

SirFluffington · 06/04/2025 17:13

DVSA and social services. I reported someone close to me through the NSPCC once as I had no idea how to go about it properly and the appropriate action was taken via social services so that might be a shout? You can do it online.

ItGhoul · 06/04/2025 17:35

Is she really passing out at the wheel, or is she saying that to try and scare you into ferrying her around? I would suspect the latter, based on what you’ve said about her personality.

Maitri108 · 06/04/2025 17:47

When she can't walk who is looking after her daughter? You need to contact social services as her mental and physical health alongside dangerous driving needs further investigation. I'd also contact her daughter's dad and let him know.

MuffinsOrCake · 06/04/2025 17:51

Maitri108 · 06/04/2025 17:47

When she can't walk who is looking after her daughter? You need to contact social services as her mental and physical health alongside dangerous driving needs further investigation. I'd also contact her daughter's dad and let him know.

The first point of contact is the child's father. Should be his decision

AutumnalPuffin · 06/04/2025 17:53

Do you believe her? From the picture you’ve painted of her, I’d be doubtful of the veracity of her claims and feel that it was perhaps another way of demonstrating how ‘sick’ she needs and garnering more support. Therefore, I’d be very worried about doing anything that fed into her idea that she was sick and required those around her to do as she requests.

summerdreamings · 06/04/2025 18:38

I’m not sure I do believe her, the passing out has only happened as a passenger apparently. This is why it’s hard to get anyone to listen as it’s probably very much a case of being mental health more than physical. Her father is aware of what is happening but he is also on eggshells or he doesn’t get to see her. He has tried escalating things but hits a brick wall and is made out to be point scoring.

OP posts:
Springissprouting · 06/04/2025 18:41

What are her conditions, to give us more context?

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