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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this mum immature

39 replies

kindnessforthewin · 06/04/2025 14:00

Certainly not the way I behave but no doubt this will split the masses. AIBU?

I can’t be 100% sure but the way a nursery mum acted towards me at a party this weekend, I can only imagine something has gone on between our two year olds.

Don’t recognise the mum but sparked up a convo via the mutual mum we know.

To summarise I asked 4 questions and made one statement, I received one word answers, with no questions back. I had asked if they were attending x Nursey, who their child was, their age, which room they were in. Not firing questions, there were natural pauses in between until I said ‘I’ve not heard of [insert their child name] to which the mum replied ‘I’m pretty sure [insert my child name] has met [insert her child name], and then she side stepped around the mutual mum to stand on the other side to get away from me. I now realise these were not natural pauses in conversation but someone who was not willing to speak to me. The mutual parent sparked a convo with me, obviously feeling as awkward as I did.

I’ve not heard of this child but given there has been a few recent incidents with my child, I assume one must be with theirs.

For the record, my child has been there almost two years, and in that time has been bitten maybe a dozen times if not more. And the same 3 names have come up. DC old enough to tell me in the past year or so and prior to that in baby room, one staff member was discreet as you would expect but one didn’t get the memo and told me twice who it was.

DC has come home sometimes with two bites in one go, and up until 2 weeks ago had never bitten anyone. We know this is the one time DC has bitten anyone as the nursery tell you, and we also know it was not this child because DC and DC friend told us the same name.

There has also been one historic scratching incident (someone scratched DC and another time DC scratched someone) both a long time ago now and then two very recent scratching incidents, both by my DC. I can only imagine this child was one of the people my DC scratched.

Given this behaviour is what babies/toddlers do, it’s developmental and not something to react against, I’ve never reacted to the mum whose child scratched mine a long time ago, I actually walked into the tail end of it happening so knew who it was and still meet her socially. Of course never mentioned it.

The second DC who had been biting my DC did so time and time again to the point I asked nursery if they should be kept apart. I’ve never come face to face with that mum but if I did? I wouldn’t be anything but kind. After all, 2 year olds will be 2 year olds.

The 3rd DC who used to bite my DC almost weekly in the baby room, I walked to the party with them today. That’s how much I am affected by it.

AIBU to think this mother is incredibly immature. I was shortly leaving but made my excuses and left on the spot as in all honesty, it was embarrassing in front of the mutual mum we know who looked incredibly awkward. Unless my DC scratched the other DC eyes out and nursery failed to tell me, is there any reason to behave like this.

OP posts:
clarepetal · 06/04/2025 14:13

It may be she knows nothing about the biting. She could just not like you, in which case, don't bother speaking to her.
I think it sounds as if she is clicky- there are a lot of mums on my school run who are like this. I just keep away from them and stick with the nice mums who I do get on with. I suggest you do the same, it's her loss, not yours!

PiastriThePastry · 06/04/2025 14:18

Honestly this is a massive post for a very minor non-event, it just seems like you’re massively overthinking this. It could be to do with one of the many biting and scratching incidents but it’s just as likely not to be. Maybe she just didn’t fancy small talk, or is a bit anxious or socially awkward generally or maybe was just having a bad day, and on seeing someone she knew better, decided to take the easier option and chat with them instead. It’s not exactly the friendliest move towards you but such is life I guess, sometime people just don’t want to chat, for whatever reason.

SunshineAndFizz · 06/04/2025 14:24

You’re overthinking.

You have no idea why she wasn’t chatty. Could be any number of reasons. Feeling ill. Social anxiety. And some parents are just like that, not bothered about making mum friends.

Just forget it and move on.

kindnessforthewin · 06/04/2025 14:32

Appreciate brevity is missing here but thought relevant to give the history of DC being on receiving end of incidents and knowing who it was, yet not reacting.

not FTM so have encountered non chatty Mums, including one this weekend but it was the ‘I’m sure your DC has met my DC’ side stepped around mutual mum. That was the part I felt was uncalled for and immature.

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 06/04/2025 14:36

Maybe she is just very shy, @kindnessforthewin. Honestly, I would suggest you put it out of your mind completely - it isn’t worth you wasting time with this worrying.

lovemyfreedom · 06/04/2025 14:40

I think your overthinking it op.
Not everyone is chatty not everyone wants to talk and become friends with you.
Im the same in away of giving one reply back its not that im awful and unfrendly i just dont take to people all the time.
It something like this convo - them you live around here me yes them nice day today me yeah just blunt one word replies.

kindnessforthewin · 06/04/2025 14:40

Please do not mistake the long post for me being overly upset about it. It just wanted to give the detail. I was curious to know whether others would all react the same to a mum if you knew their child (2 years old) had hurt yours. Personally, as my post suggests, I let toddlers be toddlers and adults be adults.

FWIW mum is certainly not shy, she was talking to many people and was very chatty to the mum next to me. Can tell she isn’t shy, I know an introvert when I see one, she was confident alright and rude.

OP posts:
Comedycook · 06/04/2025 14:44

She is either socially awkward or just rude/cliquey. Either way, it's not worth the headspace

Riaanna · 06/04/2025 14:45

Two kids. Neither has bitten another child.

Maybe she’s annoyed because not only has your child bitten hers but your shit factor is so low you didn’t even know who her kid was?

kindnessforthewin · 06/04/2025 14:49

Riaanna · 06/04/2025 14:45

Two kids. Neither has bitten another child.

Maybe she’s annoyed because not only has your child bitten hers but your shit factor is so low you didn’t even know who her kid was?

Wow

OP posts:
Randomer27 · 06/04/2025 14:54

Ah yes, all the MN “She’s probably lovely, but you were being rude and bullying her by acknowledging her presence and daring to speak to her.”

OP, she has shown you how she behaves. In terms of you it is irrelevant whether that is because she is crippled with social anxiety, or finds it amusing to see you undermined and embarrassed. Your life is too short to fix her problems.

kindnessforthewin · 07/04/2025 12:14

Update. I called nursery and explained I knew who he had scratched as he told me and mentioned said child’s name and the manager said DC trying to get their attention. When I asked how the parent took it they said not well. Absolutely pathetic, my DC has been bitten more than a dozen times and I do not hold it against the children. Some parents are incredibly pathetic.

OP posts:
cryinglaughing · 07/04/2025 12:20

That seems a bit OTT to call the nursery 😬
Why are you so in thrall of this mother?
I wouldn't have given it any headspace but I never hankered after making friends with parents of my dc's friends.

ScaredOfDinosaurs · 07/04/2025 12:22

Honestly stop already, you're getting caught up in absolutely nothing.

Someone was rude to you, now she's living rent free in your head. Up to you if you want to waste your time on this or not.

dairydebris · 07/04/2025 12:27

I'd react the same way towards you if your child had hurt mine. I'd not be openly rude but not friendly either, I'd have no interest in making small talk with you. I'd find someone else to talk to at the first opportunity.
No one owes you a chat I'm afraid.

kindnessforthewin · 07/04/2025 12:29

for more context the nursery called not long ago to say DC was going on a ‘plan’ which I was supportive of, given the incidents but now I think it’s because said parent has asked them to and I called as we agreed every Monday morning to have the weekly check in. I do not want to make friends with nursery parents. I also however, would not behave in that way and this it’s immature and how rude to side step away from someone making conversation. I was keen to understand if you would all be so upset to do that or if this mum is in her right vs unreasonable. Yes I cannot believe someone could behave that way but I’ve still got no closer to understanding if I’m just too laid back! For the record my other mum friends also understand and shrug off when their child come homes with ‘accident reports’.

OP posts:
Tryinghardtobefair · 07/04/2025 12:31

kindnessforthewin · 07/04/2025 12:14

Update. I called nursery and explained I knew who he had scratched as he told me and mentioned said child’s name and the manager said DC trying to get their attention. When I asked how the parent took it they said not well. Absolutely pathetic, my DC has been bitten more than a dozen times and I do not hold it against the children. Some parents are incredibly pathetic.

You're the one that's being immature if I'm honest. Maybe she doesn't like you because she knows someone "on the inside" at the nursery and knows you're OTT and dramatic?

Also by the looks of it she's not holding it against the child, she's holding it against YOU. Which is her choice. I'll be honest and say when my DC was little, there was a child who kept going for her. One day I witnessed the mum "hugging it out" when her child didn't want to put his coat on. And I decided that I didn't want to spent time with permissive parents because their children will be a bad influence on mine.
Nobody owes you friendship and to be fair she was quite civil.

YoungSoak · 07/04/2025 12:31

Don’t give this anymore thought and just leave it now. She is rude for whatever reason. Give her a wide berth in future, be civil, polite etc but don’t engage with her.

Hitting, biting etc is totally developmentally normal at that age as you well know. There is no point taking it personally against the child and their parent which she may be doing. You don’t know that’s the reason why she was rude to you but no matter the reason, just put it out of your mind now. Her kid may decide to be the biting type next week

Octavia64 · 07/04/2025 12:32

Nursery will not put a child on a plan because a random other parent asks for it. If your child is on a plan it’s to work on their behaviour.

some people are immature. It’s the way of the world.

kindnessforthewin · 07/04/2025 12:35

I’m not looking for friendship. Was trying to understand why the rudeness came and put two and two together, I now have clarity. I continue to be friendly to the mums of DCs who have repeatedly bitten my DC. One Dad in the playground had a long chat with DH and me and we know their DC had bitten our DC on more than half of the occasions. Perhaps we understand toddlers can behave in such a way and the rudeness is at fault with them. We are glad we didn’t react or be rude as after almost 2 years of no incidents we now have 4 in a month. Our parenting has not changed…

OP posts:
PiastriThePastry · 07/04/2025 12:37

I don’t think anyone is going to accuse you of being ‘too laid back’ any time soon op 😅 just let it go, would be my advice. You’ll never understand every reason for everyone’s behaviour and this fixation is a bit much!

kindnessforthewin · 07/04/2025 12:39

YoungSoak · 07/04/2025 12:31

Don’t give this anymore thought and just leave it now. She is rude for whatever reason. Give her a wide berth in future, be civil, polite etc but don’t engage with her.

Hitting, biting etc is totally developmentally normal at that age as you well know. There is no point taking it personally against the child and their parent which she may be doing. You don’t know that’s the reason why she was rude to you but no matter the reason, just put it out of your mind now. Her kid may decide to be the biting type next week

This is how I think also. Right going to get on with my day but wanted to update those who said ‘no incident took place, they just didn’t want to make small talk’ or ‘some people are introverts’ and ‘it’s all in your head’.

this parent is clearly lacking social skills in my opinion and I was 100% right to think the snide comment about ‘your DC has met my DC’ had something more to it.

OP posts:
5128gap · 07/04/2025 12:44

I think you're focusing on the wrong issue here. I'd be deeply unhappy at the amount of biting and scratching going on in that nursery and would be more concerned with having a meeting to discuss with staff what their procedures were. It is not normal for multiple toddlers to be biting each other on the regular, and that's far more pressing than worrying about the level of maturity of a random woman who may have had any reason for not wanting to engage with you, from shyness, to being preoccupied to simply disliking small talk with strangers.

kindnessforthewin · 07/04/2025 12:47

@5128gapi have no other nursery to compare it to. I have heard from a school friend her DC was biting children regularly at nursery and at a play date, their toddler bit both my Dc and our other friends. None go to nursery together. Never happened since. It is developmental but I’ve no comparison point. All I know is that for almost 2 years we’ve had to sign countless incident forms and until the past few weeks have not had DC do anything in return. Nevertheless I don’t hold it against DCs or their parents and we happily speak to parents of those who we know have DCs repeatedly biting ours.

OP posts:
Anewuser · 07/04/2025 12:48

You’re in denial.

Your child is being put on a plan due to their behaviour, not because the other mum told them.

She wasn’t rude, dismissive maybe, as she didn’t want to interact with you but she didn’t get into the bit where your child hurt hers.