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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

.. to ghost best friend?

1 reply

Countesschaos · 06/04/2025 12:25

NC.. I've been what i've considered best friends with a guy for something like 20 years. we did used to date, but it turned into friendship. we have both married since, and my DH knows the guy, has no issues with him and respects my friendship.

He's always been there when I've needed him, and I am aware that his wife isn't keen on me, but thats a them/her problem not mine.

Recently we had a family emergency, and i ended up stranded at a&e, and knowing bestie lives just round the corner from the hospital, i messaged and asked for a lift to the train stationt to get home, stated i understood if they were busy, but he came and picked me up and insisted on taking me home rather than dropping me at the train station.

On the drive home (about 30 mins) he took a call from his wife and he answered with 'hi love, i'm just with a client'. 🚩🚩🚩???

The rest of the trip was then an awkward, i asked him why he answered like that and he said that she would just waffle on about work and it does his head in 🚩🚩🚩.

Anyway, long story short, when we got home, I thanked him, gave him a hug (we always greet each other with a hug), and i offered to pay for diesel which he refused so i said that the next time we meet for a coffee (which we do, maybe every couple of weeks or so) i would pay.. and his reply was 'that would be grand, and make sure you wear shorts' 🚩🚩🚩

I know deep in my heart all this is wrong, i mulled it over for a while and then spoke to my DH, and he laughed and said 'well, thats XYZ for you, its clear he's waiting'.

He is waiting isn't he? I need to end this 'friendship'. I have no romantic interest in this man, he's an ex for a reason i am upset that our friendship needs to end.

AIBU in simply ghosting the man, or should i be honest and tell him why?

before anyone asks... DH does not dirve and was at work

OP posts:
Pclou45 · 06/04/2025 12:36

First of all your DH sounds great. But as far as bestie is concerned, go for option 2, talk to him. Tell him what you’ve told us. 20 years is a long time to chuck away and sorry but ghosting seems a bit OTT. It might end up having to be a bit more of a drawn out process depending on the answers you get, but I’d have that coffee and tell him how you feel. Good luck.

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