Indirect family more important than partner???

[ifonlylifewaseasy]

Good morning all. I will try and keep this short as possible.

So I have been with my partner for just over a year. We do not live together.

He is 49 and I am 47.

This morning we were in the midst of arranging to meet up and have a walk today via messaging. Various areas were discussed. It is looking like a beautiful day after all. We had talked about it last night but left it to today to organise.

Then abruptly he rang me and said "bad news".

His mum had a birthday event to go to and one of my partner's cousins was staying behind as he was not old enough. My partner's dad was meant to look after the younger cousin but had a headache so did not feel like looking after him. There is no one else to look after him, so his mum had rung my partner to ask if he could look after him. He said yes without even contacting me.

Hence then him ringing me to give me the bad news.

He cancelled the whole day now as the event will take up most of the day.

We ended up having heated words because he said his family comes first. AIBU to think he should have rung me to discuss the options or see how I felt about it before he gave his mum the go ahead???

Another 20 minutes and he would have been on the way.

Is this the first time something like this has happened? Have you met his family?

Sorry but I think he's right in this situation.

Plus at the moment his family is more important to him. You're in a fairly new relationship and don't live together. So no joint commitments.

Disappointing, but what he needed to do was more important.

Your title doesn't really fit with your thread. He's helping out because they have a one-off event. You were planning to go for a walk, which you can do any time. Recognising that doesn't mean they are more important than you.

Ideally he could have spoken to you before agreeing but I think YABU to turn this into a bigger deal than it needs to be.

Of course you are BU.

Plus, they are not indirect family. They are his family.

You guys are dating at the moment.

Different levels of commitment.

It’s not like he cancelled some big event, you were just going for a walk. Can you not go and hang out with him while he’s looking after his cousin?

Yes, he’s looking after the child because his mother is out and his father is unwell! I fail to see how much more ‘direct’ family you can get than someone’s (presumably quite elderly) parents.

I’m not so sure you are being totally U. I find it odd that doing something with him and little cousin wasn’t an option, I mean I can see you not fancying it and it’s not what was planned, but still. it’s odd.

YABU. I think if you had firm plans like a restaurant reservation, it might be different, but although you are disappointed, you can go for a walk another day. I’m struggling to see a problem with someone wanting to help their family out unless he regularly blows you out.

Unless this is a reverse?

Maybe you need to relook at this as he’s doing a favour for his Mum who of course is not an indirect family member!

You sound very unreasonable. They are not 'indirect family' they are his family. It's understandable to be disappointed by the change of plans but realistically what else could he have done? The child needs someone to look after him. Should he have said no I can't, I'm going for a walk with my girlfriend?

YABU. What’s “indirect” about them?

I don’t see anything wrong with him liking after his young relative, while their parents can’t.

You’ve only been together for a year and you don’t live together.

It’s not indirect family. He’s doing an emergency favour for his Mum and Dad.

In your shoes I would have offered to go along and take the child out for the day.

Yes, this. Couldn’t you have still met up for a walk even if just for an hour or so?

Why not go for a walk with the cousin too?

Yes I can see how wrong I was. Thank you.

You are right and I have apologised. Thank you for your reply.

You are right. Thank you.

Not possible unfortunately to meet up. I have definitely over reacted. Thank you.

Yes you are correct. I have apologised. Thank you.

Yes I have overreacted and apologised. Thank you.

Thats exactly the point I overlooked. Thank you.

I admit I over reacted and have apologised. Thank you for your reply.

It was not possible unfortunately. I have over reacted and apologised.

Refreshing to see an AIBU where the OP reconsiders their position and actually takes comments on board.