Been divorced for 10 years. Ex was sahd as had no career and I was the sole earner. He has them for 4 nights per fortnight since around 2 years after the split (took him a couple of years to get a place where he could have them overnight). He has had various jobs since we split and for a while got a regular fairly well-paid job, but ultimately he doesn't want to work and prefers doing gigs, 'writing,' and other freelance stuff. All his bosses have been 'arseholes' he couldn't possibly work for. His mum still gives him handouts and he has a condition that has worsened in recent years and the dc seem to think he gets some sort of benefits as a result.
He has never bought the dc stuff for his house or made any contributions to anything. His mum has taken them all away a few times over the years though. I put in a claim once he was settled after the split just to make the point that parents have to pay for kids as he wouldn't provide clothing and I picked ds up from his place in November once in shorts despite there being a supermarket over the road. I knew I would never get much from it.
Over the 8 years the claim has been in I'd say he has paid around £6-900 max. Months/years will go by where he has to pay 0 due to being on benefits and having them however many nights it is, then they'll say he has to pay £20ish a week, then it'll stop etc etc. His arrears are around £1k. I know he thinks it's outrageous I ever put the claim in.
He goes abroad every year to a country where he has friends and has taken them once. He had a sizeable inheritance a few years ago and now owns a property outright. At that time he gave nothing to the dc, not even offering to top up their uniform that year, for example. It was during a period when he was paying nothing. He also found the money to take one dc to 2 concerts at a cost of over £2k - one was Eras. I feel there is now some money but it's not what the CMS are aware of.
I could live with all of this and I genuinely don't think he has thousands stashed away but I think he is selfish and irresponsible and thinks it's up to me to pay for the dc as I have a relatively well-paid job, ignoring the fact that he has chosen to do nothing all his life and if I suddenly couldn't work, or decided my bosses were arseholes and I was done with it, what would happen? I'm supposed to give him £10k from divorce settlement when ds2 is 21 ( about 5 years) and this will be after seeing two dc through uni on minimum loan due to my income and this is what I would like to go away. It's going to either wipe out my savings (I haven't always been on the kind of salary I'm on now) or, worse, have to come from the house or my pension and I really don't want that. He will piss it up the wall within months.
So CMS have written this week saying they want to pursue enforcement but they don't want to jeopardise any private agreement we may have so want my agreement first. Should I just go for it as why should he get away with doing/paying nothing and having no stress, or should I try and offset it against the £10k? That wouldn't be legally binding though and he could go back on it. Obviously, I'll ask them this tomorrow, but does anyone know what enforcement even entails? I know they took him to court years ago and it resulted in one £16 payment and nothing else!
Sorry for the ramble - just putting my thoughts down but any advice would be amazing.