Advice on keeping finances separate

[Needadvice27272]

NC’d as this is a bit outing.

My friend is engaged but she and her fiancé are struggling to agree on finances.

The parents of both friend and her fiancé worked hard and are all well off financially and been able to support their children. Friend has a house gifted to her by her parents while fiancé has a mortgage on his own property. Friend has a job that pays ok, fiancé has a very respectable job that pays very well. Both are in their 40s.

Up to this point they have kept finances completely separate. Friend wants a prenuptial agreement where her house will be protected and on her death it will go back to her family and siblings. Fiancé suggested they buy a property together to live in but friend doesn’t want to as it doesn’t make good financial sense for her. They can’t come to an agreement. They are positive about the idea of children but they like travelling so it’s not a priority for them. This will be the first marriage for them both.

I see both sides - friend wants to protect herself financially, which she should given the disparity in earning potential with their jobs and given that they may not have children. But Fiancé doesn’t want to live in a house that isn’t his and he can’t make a contribution to.

Friend is regularly coming to me for advice on what to do and I’m just looking for other thoughts to help me to support her.

Wouldn’t they just protect whatever equity they’re bringing to the table when they buy a house together? If she puts £100k in and he puts £50k into a £300k house, and they get a joint £150k mortgage for the rest which they contribute equally to, roughly she’d own 60% and he’d own 40%.

But tbh if she’s willing to turf her partner out of his home in the event that she dies first, just so her assets can go to her family of origin, it suggests she’s not grown up or committed to her adult life and relationship. The finances are just an indication of a more fundamental problem.

They shouldn’t get married at all as neither of them is thinking as a couple. Tell them to wait.

They are in their 40s but want to travel before they think about ttc?? They won’t have kids in that case.

It doesn’t sound like much of a love match if they are both so fussed about money and don’t want to share finances! They need to take a look at what being married means, legally.

As said, if they are in their 40s and want a baby they need to do that now, they can’t just wait around and go on more holidays and then realise it’s too late biologically..

With children they are very much if it happens it happens, and it’s fine if it doesn’t.

I agree that if you don’t want to share finances then maybe you are not that committed. But I think my friend is worried how marriage could screw up her financial position and given her lower salary she wants to be protected.

I think some of the impetus is coming from her family who gifted her the house so she feels it should stay with them. But doesn’t it mean she/they don’t see the fiancé as family.