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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Had to leave Costa as breastfeeding was taking too long

257 replies

CalmFawn · 06/04/2025 00:27

Visited Costa last week with my 10 day old baby. Went to meet my best friend and it was my first outing without my husband ( so a bit nervous!)

Sat down and we both ordered a coffee and a cake. Had a good chat and she held baby etc. about 40 mins into seating, I started to breastfeed baby. Coffee was nearly gone but cakes hadn’t been eaten yet. A member of staff came over and demanded I stop feeding my baby as it was ‘too time consuming’ and we’ve been sat here for too long and it was a busy period so we need to leave. We pointed out there were over 10 empty tables and we still had cake but she ignored us and held the door open for us to leave. I was so upset and embarrassed I just stopped feeding baby and rushed out.

whilst reflecting over the weekend I wish I had had said something to her but worried I’ve missed some time frame that Costa allow and overran. Was she right to ask us to leave? Or was she in the wrong?

OP posts:
Agenoria · 06/04/2025 08:50

CalmFawn · 06/04/2025 00:54

I wasn’t asking about the breastfeeding. I was asking if there was a specific timeframe you were allowed to sit in Costa. (Because according to the staff member that’s what she had an issue with)

I've seen people settle down for ages with a computer, making a cup of coffee last at least an hour. Clearly this person had an issue with you feeding and used the time issue as an excuse.

Katypp · 06/04/2025 08:51

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RominaDina · 06/04/2025 08:51

IDontHateRainbows · 06/04/2025 08:45

I've seen them chuck out a homeless person who had fallen asleep on a sofa. He'd been there a while I'd imagine

Well, while I sympathise with homeless people, I can understand why they did that.

Blondeshavemorefun · 06/04/2025 08:51

Well obv you should have gone to Starbucks. Many hours sat there chatting

I really can’t imagine they would ask you to leave after 40m if Empty tables and you had still had cake

eat the cake while talking /bf

would def like to see a screenshot of your complaint and their reply

ThatPunnyPeachFatball · 06/04/2025 08:52

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Agenoria · 06/04/2025 08:52

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 06/04/2025 01:09

But surely the pont is the OP was being asked to move because she had paid for one coffee and a cake and was hogging a table; not because she was breast feeding.

Clearly that was not the reason, given the number of empty tables in the cafe at the time. Generally it's better for the cafe if at least some tables are occupied all the time, as people tend to be put off by empty cafes.

springintoaction321 · 06/04/2025 08:53

DappledThings · 06/04/2025 06:37

This is all ridiculous. You still had what you had bought in the cafe in front of you uneaten and were asked to leave because you were taking too long?

Not to mention why hadn't you eaten, or at least started the cake? You have to get used to be able to eat over the top of the baby's head.

So why do you have to post a dickhead comment?

It isn't 'all ridiculous' - you're just having a go.

Does it feel nice to tell someone off with a 10 day old baby?

RavenclawWitchy · 06/04/2025 08:55

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Wildflowers99 · 06/04/2025 08:55

Get the feeling there’s a bit more to this that we are not hearing about.

Anyotherdude · 06/04/2025 08:56

That’s terrible, OP. I hope you’re ok now.

Some Costa branches are run as franchises, so checking this and complaining to the franchisee as well, might prompt some further action…

DappledThings · 06/04/2025 08:56

springintoaction321 · 06/04/2025 08:53

So why do you have to post a dickhead comment?

It isn't 'all ridiculous' - you're just having a go.

Does it feel nice to tell someone off with a 10 day old baby?

Eh? I'm saying the whole situation is ridiculous. That the staff member telling them to leave is ridiculous when they had food in front of them. It's also fairly silly that in 40 minutes neither of them had managed a bite of cake admittedly but no idea where you get the idea I'm telling OP off.

Lourdes12 · 06/04/2025 08:56

Maybe she was jealous. I bet your baby screamed murder when you abruptly stopped feeding her

Katypp · 06/04/2025 08:58

springintoaction321 · 06/04/2025 08:53

So why do you have to post a dickhead comment?

It isn't 'all ridiculous' - you're just having a go.

Does it feel nice to tell someone off with a 10 day old baby?

Why does having a 10-day old baby mean the OP is immune from criticism?

RominaDina · 06/04/2025 08:59

Lourdes12 · 06/04/2025 08:56

Maybe she was jealous. I bet your baby screamed murder when you abruptly stopped feeding her

Jealous of what?

Agenoria · 06/04/2025 08:59

MissHollysDolly · 06/04/2025 06:49

OP, you weren’t asked to leave because you were breastfeeding, you were asked to leave because you were taking way too long. Why didn’t you just order more drinks?
the equality act won’t help you here as you have to show that you were being treated unfavourably because of the feeding. Assuming Costa was telling all their customers who had taken 40 minutes to drink a coffee to leave, they’re golden.

By no stretch of the imagination is 40 minutes way too long in a cafe with ten empty tables. They don't ask their customers to move on after 40 minutes. In law, the onus is on them to prove that their staff member's action wasn't due to the breastfeeding.

FairlyTired · 06/04/2025 09:00

It's going to be one weird employee not policy (it's illegal as others have said)
When DD1 was little I was sat on a public bench near a cafe and an employee clearing the outdoor tables nearby offered me a free class of water and said I was welcome to sit under the shaded tables, don't let this put you off or make you feel awkward about feeding in public. The vast majority of people are supportive, like anything in life you'll get the occasional weird person who isn't worth paying attention to.

pelargoniums · 06/04/2025 09:01

EdgyMentor · 06/04/2025 08:07

Not sure you can avoid occasionally spraying milk in the early days, so I definitely wouldn't feed on furniture that was for sale. Be that bottle, jar or breast, but I love that a pp was given Jane Austen's favourite chair for bf!

Edited

It’s a very good chair.

OP, hope this doesn’t hamper your breastfeeding: it can be terrifying at first doing it publicly while it’s still something you and the baby are learning and not necessarily good at yet. It gets easier, less squirty, less emotional, and one day you’ll be doing it standing up in a queue or answering the door to the postie or whatever. The vast majority of people and places are welcoming and helpful; more than once I had strangers offer to grab me coffees or cakes in the park when I was feed-trapped. Hope Costa gives you lifetime free coffees.

Had to leave Costa as breastfeeding was taking too long
RominaDina · 06/04/2025 09:02

pelargoniums · 06/04/2025 09:01

It’s a very good chair.

OP, hope this doesn’t hamper your breastfeeding: it can be terrifying at first doing it publicly while it’s still something you and the baby are learning and not necessarily good at yet. It gets easier, less squirty, less emotional, and one day you’ll be doing it standing up in a queue or answering the door to the postie or whatever. The vast majority of people and places are welcoming and helpful; more than once I had strangers offer to grab me coffees or cakes in the park when I was feed-trapped. Hope Costa gives you lifetime free coffees.

Oh my goodness, that is so cute 😍!

RominaDina · 06/04/2025 09:03

It's baby no 3 for the OP (correct me if I'm wrong), so I'm sure she's breastfed in lots of places before now. This is a very strange situation, though. I'm hoping there's a good conclusion.

UrinalCake · 06/04/2025 09:04

With some Costas being run as franchises, it's possible I suppose that a particular one might have their own esoteric rules about how long people can spend at tables. But if it were about that, the breastfeeding shouldn't have been mentioned as it would be irrelevant.

TheHerboriste · 06/04/2025 09:05

Take a newborn out amid all those germs?

Jellyslothbridge · 06/04/2025 09:06

Sending cake🍰

pelargoniums · 06/04/2025 09:06

RominaDina · 06/04/2025 09:03

It's baby no 3 for the OP (correct me if I'm wrong), so I'm sure she's breastfed in lots of places before now. This is a very strange situation, though. I'm hoping there's a good conclusion.

Whoops, missed that part! It is strange and I feel fortunate to have never encountered any breastfeeding shaming outside of frothy MN threads Grin

Panterusblackish · 06/04/2025 09:06

BirdSou · 06/04/2025 08:18

I believe you OP.

Last year went to Costa with DH and kids. Everyone had a coffee/drink and a cake. It was raining in the Peak District so place was packed,

We had just bought a small block of fudge on the way in so it was in a paper bag in my hand and youngest asked to try a little piece as I put it in my bag. Cut a sliver off with my cake knife, passed it to her, put rest of block away.

Costa employee went nuts, out of nowhwere marched over with a placard and started shouting at us about eating 'our own cakes on the premises'. Whole place went silent, she was so loud. I apologised, explained it wasn't cake, it was a sliver of fudge, it was now put away and all the cake we were eating had been bought in Costa. She didn't care, it was all for show, the bellowing was obviously done for maximum embarrassment effect as she could have easily approached our table without creating such a scene if it was really just about the 'cake'. We left and not been back to any branch since, kids refuse to go in.

Lesson learnt: there are angry people everywhere and some of them do indeed work at Costa.

A family member of mine had a stand off with a Costa employee. The review is still on Google.

It was crazy. She got a drink with cream on top to go. She was at the door or the small Costa and the male barista loudly and aggressively shouted us back. We went thinking maybe a payment issue.

No, he said you can't walk across the shop without a lid as it was a health and safety issue. We pointed out that we had been practically out of the door and that people having drinks in the cafe did not have lids. We were. as you can imagine taken aback by his venom and tone.

My family member refused the lid saying she didn't want the top of her drink to be all squashed.

She almost made it to the door when this man, a good foot taller than her tiny five foot self grabbed the coffee already in her hand.

The thing is she's tiny, but you do not mess. She did not release. So began a coffee tug of war for a drink she had bought and paid for.

With perfect timing, she waited until he gave a really hard tug and just let go. He had cream on him and the floor had coffee split causing the actual health and safety issue he had apparently been so keen to avoid.

She stepped around it back to the till and insisted on a refund. The angry barista took the now half empty cup and threw it so hard into the sink that it splashed all over the walls, fellow baristas etc

He was just an angry bully who saw a chance to have a go at a tiny middle aged lady.

So I don't doubt Costa employees behave badly. I've seen it myself.

Viviennemary · 06/04/2025 09:08

You weren't there that long for coffee. Depends if everyone is asked to leave a Costa after 40 minutes. I should imagine not.