Lack of sleep makes me feel like I hate my toddler

[nearlyeleven]

And of course I don’t, but not even eleven pm and I’ve already been into her four or five times.

I know co sleeping is promoted a lot on here but it really doesn’t work, it’s counter productive as she doesn’t sleep at all then.

As it is I don’t know what to do. Not every night is this bad but I am always woken at least twice. I’ve tried sleep training her but it didn’t work, it just got her in such a state that when I did go back in (timed intervals) she was worked up and hysterical and clinging at me frantically. Maybe out and out cry it out might work but seems brutal.

Things feel a bit bleak sometimes due to exhaustion. I know it will get better but probably not for years.

YANBU, it’s incredibly hard. Can you get a break? Can a trusted relative have her overnight for a few nights so you can rest and break the cycle?

I used Nicola Watson at Child Sleep Solutions - go to her for sleep training. It really does work if you stick to her plans (she has gentle ones) and you will have a child who sleeps through within days. I did and it saved my sanity.

It may be different if your child isn’t neurotypical (not saying this to worry you but it can affect sleep) but I assume DC is too young for an assessment yet. Speak to your health visitor too.

Thanks. I’m honestly not sure that any gentle sleep method training will work on her. I know it can be really effective; my older child’s sleep was transformed with sleep training, but with her she just gets so worked up.

We don’t have anyone who could take her unfortunately. I’m fairly sure she’s fine, developing normally and some nights aren’t even all that bad, but the unpredictability is hard and the fact I know I’ll be woken is as well, it’s sometimes really hard to get back to sleep. Some nights I’ve been woken at 1, just been dozing back off at 4 then she’s woken again and I get her back down but then I’m awake and up at 6 for work, so effectively starting the day at 1am!

Don't do cry it out, that's cruel. Lack of sleep is the worst thing ever, get a sleep consultant to help you, it'll be worth it as they can guide you through the process.

I know sleep consultants can be effective but they aren’t a magic bullet and I have already tried gentle methods, I don’t really want to do cry it out, it’s a last resort and I’m not sure it would work anyway, so I am stuck with it and this knowledge is depressing.

Clearly what you're doing isn't working so my advice would get someone with experience to help you. The fact you think you need to resort to cry it out suggests you're at the end of your rope. The key is consistency, so if you're trying multiple methods then that will also be confusing your child. I don't know anyone who has regretted using a sleep consultant, you're not stuck, you have this option. I used a gentle method with a sleep consultant and it was a game changer, it was all information that I could have got from google, but I found that someone helping me through the process and suggesting changes was the value add.

When you get to the point of feeling like this, I think cry it out should be considered. It must be miserable and can't be good for your daughter too.

@Tbrh im not sure how often I can say that we had professional help with the first one but it isn’t working on this one. It doesn’t really matter what’s suggested if it doesn’t work.

@SouthLondonMum22 maybe but I doubt I could stick to it. Also not even convinced it would work.

How long have you tried the gentle methods for?

I'm sorry, it must be so frustrating.

Sorry OP, I missed that you had tried a professional, unfortunately they can't have been very good. You could try the Ferber method, but I really wouldn't do Cry it Out. As I said, the key is consistency, so maybe have a break from trying anything altogether and then go with a plan, maybe some different bedding etc, a new bedtime routine too so it's like a new thing. The age of your child is a factor in terms of what you're doing, as well as if they're having naps during the day as day sleep affects night sleep and make sure they're getting lots of protein. Given they're waking so much, I'm not sure it will be a simple solution and perhaps think if there is an underlying issue, has something changed for them in their regular routine etc.