Where to start… I’ve been with my partner for nearly 8 years, I have 4 children and he has 1, 3 of mine are grown up but one still lives at home. Last year we decided to become foster carers, this is something I have always wanted to do because I was also in foster care when I was young and my foster parents literally saved me. Just after we were approved my partner was made redundant and had to find another job. Being a skilled engineer he had plenty of offers but chose to change sector slightly and took a job which said he would have a work away occasionally. Since November he has been away more than he has been at home. The time away is stretching more and more to now 2 weeks at a time. In January we took in a little boy who has had the most traumatic life you can imagine. He’s 7 years old and just desperately wants to be loved in a family. Although hard work due to having no boundaries he improves day after day and is incredibly rewarding. I still have another job which I reduced my hours to look after him but it is a target driven role and quite demanding. My issue is that I am now technically a single parent again, if I had known how much my partner would be away that would have made a significant difference in my original position to foster. I know it’s not his fault he was made redundant but I know he enjoys this job and the freedom he gets being away. When he’s home he wants time to ‘decompress’ and seems to struggle more and more to not just think of himself (making food, going to the shop etc) when I have bought it up he says he needs time to relax when he gets home. Let’s remember that when he’s away he has no responsibilities has a pretty easy job (his words not mine) eats out every night and gets to have drinks with his work colleagues. Today he finished early and went to visit friends, I wanted to speak to him about the day and tell him I’m struggling a bit with the loneliness but I can’t because he called me for 2 mins just to check in. Before I met him I had been a single mum for a number of years with my 4. I have always worked and done it all myself, I did not expect to do that again but here I am. The young lad we have with us we all love to pieces, my older kids are a huge support and often help out, more than I would expect them to! My oldest daughter even sorted out all the Mother’s Day stuff because my partner hadn’t arranged anything (despite being home)
he’s a good man and I do love him. He is a great dad and also dotes on the boy we have with us. He has never been attentive or affectionate with me and this regular prolonged distance makes me feel even further away from him emotionally. I have spoken to him, he says he will change jobs if I want and get a job he hates?!! Something I would never ask him to do anyway but clearly that is not what he wants. Apologies this has turned into an absolute essay but I’m really feeling it today and struggling, I don’t feel I have anyone to speak to about this at the moment and wonder if I’m being selfish. Any thoughts or advice much appreciated