To think being a single parent is unspeakably lonely?

[lilysunder]

DS is five and dad has him every other weekend and one week night so I could have it worse. I've always enjoyed my own company, I burn out quite quickly without time to decompress alone so I thought I'd be well suited to living alone (albeit with a small child). But, dear god, I am so lonely. I have hobbies, I have a membership to a local society, I have friends but by the time they fit in work, looking after small children and their families they don't have much free time left. My job is hybrid but I'm in an office alone more often than not when I do go in.

It's not really any lonelier than being in a dead relationship getting the silent treatment, so I guess that's a positive. It feels bloody relentless being lonely and responsible for the wellbeing of a little person though. I should probably just get a grip but it's too easy to feel sorry for myself alone on a Saturday night again!

It can be like that. I remember feeling like that when I was a single parent, it can be unrelenting and hard.
What saved me was having other single parent friends, if all of your friends are coupled up it just makes it worse.

I was a single parent for 7 years, and now I'm married and have another child, 14 years after my first. Being a single parent makes you amazingly strong and resourceful, you will never have to settle for another man's bullshit because you've proven you can go it alone and thrive. It is hard, and lonely at times, but so much better than being in a toxic relationship.

It's okay to feel a bit sorry for yourself sometimes. I hope tomorrow is brighter

Yes, I hear you and feel the same. I find it especially lonely shouldering all the responsibility alone, and being alone if anything is wrong. I am sociable, but it's different spending time with people intermittently than having someone who is always there.

I could have written this and just wanted to say I completely sympathise with you. It’s so relentless and then when you do get a break, get all of your jobs and life admin done you just think “what now?”
I’ve been on my own nearly 18 months since my husband moved out. I was seeing someone for a while but in hindsight that wasn’t right and I was doing it to fill the loneliness. It is slowly getting easier now. How long have you been on your own for?
I agree with what another poster said about other single parent friends, they have been my lifeline.

It's much better when they get older and you have school party invites or people invite them over.

I've only been on my own for six months, so I guess I'm still getting used to it. I do struggle with friends seeming to think I should now be happy because I left though - I made this choice because I had to not because I didn't want to be a family.

I'll try connecting with some other single parents perhaps. When I do see friends their coupled-upness does make things feel worse sometimes!

https://www.gingerbread.org.uk/

Contact Gingerbread and see if there are any groups in your area. Or you can post on local Facebook groups to connect with other single mums with little ones.

No you're absolutely right, it is very lonely. Friends can never really take the place of a partner because they all have their own lives and aren't there for most of the time. I used to miss having someone to just offload on at the end of the day, or someone to tell the funny thing your child did today.

I was a lone parent for 6 years and am now married to someone who works away, best of both worlds!

I hear you. I wish I had taken my cheating husband back because it’s better than this.

Do your friends not go out without their partners?

Maybe arrange some nights out? You will have to be far more organised and plan ahead but it’s a start and will give you something to look forward to.

Cinema/theatre/dinner? I’m maybe just lucky but my friends have always been up for these outings, and we go away on holiday together at least twice a year too.

I'm a single parent as I'm a widow. @lilysunder however we become single parents you are right it can be a very lonely path.

I was a single parent for 12 years, looking after 3 kids with a demanding full time job. I had no financial or practical support from my ex, because he liked to be in control and it was the only way he had left to do that.

I became very insular and life was work and home on repeat. I had no friends and no life outside my house. 17 years ago I met my now DH and things got better. It is lonely being a single parent, never more so than when with couples and it's just such hard, unforgiving work.

It does get better.

I became a widow when my children were 4 and 6. It was hard (the death was sudden), and my father had died a few months before and my mother was mid 80s so not able to help much. My other family live abroad.
I didn’t find it lonely, but the weight of responsibility was very heavy. I had to sell our family home almost immediately (huge mortgage which I could not pay) and going through his things and packing up our family home almost broke me. I moved and set about starting over. Fortunately I met some great women in the new area. I instigated much of our meet ups initially but it’s been lovely having them.
Now my children are grown, one has left and the other at uni. I haven’t been involved with anyone since my husband died, in fact only one other of my friends is single, and I know I have been, maybe subconsciously, excluded. Sure there are times when I miss having another adult to talk to, to share the burden and joys of raising children. Someone to go on adventures with and some one to just sit and watch TV with. But my friends have come through several times for me and that’s why I’m not lonely. Seek them out.

I think it's easier when you make a plan for how you're going to use your time. I have ds with me 24/7 so I guess in one respect its easier as I have him for company but on the other hand it's impossible for me to have a hobby or meet up with friends without him in tow so meeting people since we moved has been very difficult.

Op I hear you. Single mum to two teenage sons. Nights are the worst for feeling lonely. Sending hugs and solidarity x

I‘m sorry to hear you are feeling lonely. I hope things improve for you.

Single parenting can be so lonely as its hard to have a busy social life with a young child in tow. I always feel that summer and spring is worse too for loneliness as the nice warm evenings and smells of bbqs, hearing families have fun in the garden etc can bring back emotions of feeling lonely. In the winter its easier to shut off from the world and people do less.

I got very depressed with it all. Drugs helped bring me back and some counselling.
What's stuck with me most is you have to be proactive. You can't wait for things to come to you.
So I find something I want to do in 6 months time and book 2 tickets there and then. I open it up and see who wants to come, book more tickets nearby if needed. Or just wait til nearer the time.
Although Dara Obrain had 1 ticket at the front and I'm going on my own.
Have you heard of campmates? They do single parent camping holidays in the summer. Stuff like that is good to connect and build your confidence. SPTC fb group also organise days out as well as holidays - their nye ones are fab.
Just fake it til you make it and the joy in life comes back. Tho being lucky enough to work with wonderful people helps

It is the age of the child that is lonely. Not a single parent issue as such.

Once they are older it is much nicer.

I agree with others, the loneliness can be hard, but it is the relentless grind of making every decision on your own, with no one to share the responsibility or to take some of the heavy lifting for it that really wears you down.

There are compensations however, especially if you have made the break from a toxic relationship. Stay strong OP.

Find some fellow single parents ideally with children of a similar age. Socialise together.