To move away from elderly parents?

[nampto]

We live within about 10 miles of my parents and dh’s parents. They are now in their mid 80s with worsening health problems.

DH and I had always dreamed of moving to the coast (around 3hrs away) when we retired. Have always been vocal about this. But now the time has come, our parents are getting older and need more help with things.

If we didn’t move now, then we’ll be too old ourselves to enjoy our dream of living on the coast for retirement.

DH is an only child. I have one brother who lives in Dubai who has no plans to come home.

AIBU to move away from elderly parents?

Why don’t you see if your parents would like to move to a nice retirement home by the sea? They may be in a position where most of their friends have passed on and therefore have fewer reasons to stay?

DH and I will always encourage our children to grab their opportunities and move wherever they want to, I can't imagine standing in their ways if they wanted to move three hours away when I'm elderly. I wouldn't be at all surprised if they live on a different continent tbh!

Both my late Mum and my in-laws encouraged us to do this, the only person who's made us feel guilty is my Dad, although he now acknowledges that even though I live abroad, I support him far more for him than many of his friends' adult children who live close by.

I hope that your parents are supportive and as @Lightuptheroom wisely says, make sure that they have plans for what they'll do when they need extra help. Thanks to technology, it's also far more possible to organize help from afar - I've liaised with Adult Social Care, organized a cleaner/light housekeeper for my Dad, set up online deliveries, etc.

What a rude^, and unpleasant generalisation.
^
Go over to the Elderly Parents board and see all those British people not looking after their families.

The above post from carcassonne1 is inaccurate, deliberately divisive on grounds of nationality/ ethnic origin and, well, just ignorant. I have reported it.

You may discover that one day you have to put your parents in a home. They can become a danger to themselves (wandering, forgetting to turn off the stove causing fire, for example), or their health can deteriorate to the point they need the specialised care. Or your own health may not last as well as you expect and then you can't do lifting and turning and whatever care they may need when very frail.

No-one would want to put their parents in a home unless really necessary and beneficial to them. I used to idealise not doing it but, as I've matured and got older, I've realised that sometimes, it's a necessity.