To be feeling so down and frustrated about money as a SAHM?

[DonutEnvy]

I had 2 kids back to back (both under 3), and before this I was a healthcare professional earning relatively good money (£3500+ per month). Me and DH had plenty of income to save and spend between us. Now, since I had the kids I haven’t worked so our income has obviously halved. Because I was self employed I didn’t get maternity pay but we have a savings pot that I’ve been using, with DH covering all bills.

It’s been hard going from having a good amount to save and spend monthly, to now having to be somewhat frugal and budget everything. I know every SAHM has this to do, and I am hoping to go back to work part time in a few months, but it won’t ever be how it was before.

I just want some reassurance really that it will get better once I start earning abit (even though I know childcare expenses are HELL)!

I guess I was naive and didn’t realise our lifestyle would change this much after our little ones.

It will get better once they don’t need childcare, but the next few years might be quite tough.

Do all your sums with your husband and figure it out.

Of course once you’re working you’ll have more money, surely that’s a no brainer? Choosing to have two children so close together and giving up work is exactly that - a choice. Surely you knew your lifestyle would change? I’m not really sure what you’re asking or moaning about, you no longer work so you have less money, not a difficult thing to have predicted. Or is that you want a lifestyle you can’t afford but don’t accept that your choices have led to this so want to moan about how hard it is despite the fact you chose it? Either go back to work and pay for childcare or don’t but until you’re both working full time again of course you won’t have as much money as you used to.

It’s a massive shock to the system to have a large drop in income. It’s very easy to adapt to a higher income, but when you then drop quite a lot lower in income it’s a real comedown.

it’ll be like this until the youngest starts school

I get where you’re coming from. It’s tricky going from two full time incomes to one full time income and surviving on that. It’s just an adjustment.
I stay at home with my son Monday - Thursday and then work Fridays and Saturdays for just a few hours a day and it’s nice to have that extra little bit of money come in each month and not have childcare fees eat up my wages!
Although things are definitely tighter than they were when I was on a full time wage, I just figure it’s only temporary. Once the kids are at school and don’t need paid childcare then any hours you do work will just go straight to you. It’ll only a be a few more years and you’ll be able to do that. Every SAHP has made the choice I guess to sacrifice salary for a period. If you can survive on one income then I think that’s such a privilege anyway. Won’t be too long before you’re back at work and have a bit more financial stability!

Is your DH taking an equal financial hit? Or does he have similar disposable income to pre DCs and you have to draw from savings.

I appreciate I may have an atypical situation but DH and I put all our money into a joint account and when I was maternity leave all the bills, children’s expenses and my expenses just continued to come out of the same account.

As the other posters suggested childcare is an equally split responsibility just like the phone bill. Make sure that doesn’t fall entirely on your shoulders.

Get back to work as soon as you can and remember that childcare fees are temporary. It'll be beneficial in the long run, both for your career and financially.

When we chose to start a family, I put all of my earnings into a savings account for 12 months, and we lived on DH's salary, to ensure that we could manage without my money when the time came. I can never understand why other people don't do this, because as other posters have said, you surely knew that your spending power would drop dramatically when you gave up work to be a SAHM. Also, having already had one baby, you must have known then that money was much tighter, so why go on to have more, if being short of funds bothers you this much.

However, to answer your question, of course things will get better once you get back to work full time, it's as obvious as the fact that they would get worse when you gave up your job OP.

It’s a shock to the system because you’ve gone from 2 wages for 2 people, to 1 wage for 4 people.

Just cut your cloth accordingly and when you start working again, you’ll start getting more money.

Once the kids are in school it’s easier to go back FT.

Just go back full time and pay childcare between the two of you. We did that, had enough cash and our kids (now older) are thriving. We’re a very happy family. Don’t believe the hype that says you can’t work full time

Can you both work part time? You will do better in terms of tax. One person earning £60k will take home about £3700, two people each earning £30k will take home over £4000 plus will be eligible for more child benefit before it tapers off. It also means that you can both build your pensions. I think it also helps to ensure that you both take equal responsibility for the children/ looking after the house etc. As they grow up you can investigate beginning to add in more hours on 'each other's' day.

Crunch the numbers and develop a plan.

I've a single mum and have been using a savings pot for 12 months (and will continue to do so until DD is 18 months). Because I have savings, i am not eligible for UC despite currently having no income and not receiving a penny of maintenance from the father. Sometimes it feels like I am being penalised for being careful and responsible with my money for the last 20 years (I have been saving since I was 10 years old, often working multiple low paid jobs). It started to get me down until I changed my thinking, instead of "I have to do xyz" and "I can't afford xyz", I started focusing on what I "get" to do. That made all the difference.