To ask how to stop checking (OCD related)

[queenofocd]

I’ve had OCD on and off all my life. Never formally diagnosed but I’m not one of those people who just says it, it’s genuine. I ruminate and get stuck in certain cycles of thinking, and sometimes have to ‘check’ things.

Since having my baby, the checking has intensified but it’s only on an evening before we go up to bed. It can take me anywhere from 15 mins on a good night to 1 hour on a particularly bad night. For some reason it mainly relates to checking everything in the kitchen is off and secure. I check the doors are locked, tumble dryer and washer off, oven and hob off, and tap off, multiple times. I go back downstairs to check that I’ve not turned them back on by accident or unlocked the doors after checking (this is after I have checked things are secure). I know this is crazy. I take photos of things being locked/off so I can look at them for reassurance and this helped at first but doesn’t help now, I just have to take more and more. Once I have finally assured myself it’s fine, I then feel the need to check my baby is on their back and that their sleeping bag is correctly fastened. I check this again and again.

As you can imagine it’s having quite the impact, wearing me down in the long run and causing me stress on an evening. I know the answer to reducing OCD checking behaviours is to simply fight the urge to check and deal with uncomfortable anxieties / think ‘so what’. It’s problematic because those solutions don’t work, because to me the checking is keeping us all (baby) safe. I’m not bothered about anything in the day weirdly but it’s entirely because I feel as though I can watch baby / the house and would be aware of a problem whereas if I was asleep less so.

My baby is what you would consider a good sleeper which is just as well really with the amount of time I waste on an evening going back and forth checking, when DH and DC are both fast asleep.

I’m going to refer myself to talking therapies next week but just wondered in the mean time if anyone can in any way relate to this and have any advice as to how I can chill out?

Hopeful bump!

I had postnatal OCD and to be honest the thing that helped me the most was medication. However I also had a cpn from the perinatal team who I met with weekly. She would give me tasks to help with my OCD. One such thing was setting a time limit on checking. I would constantly check on my baby so the first task was to check every five minutes, then that was increased to 10, then 20 etc. So I could do some checking, but it was more controlled. We also had talking therapy which helped alongside the medication. I found the medication helped with my intrusive thoughts but also did help with the compulsions. Not sure how old baby is but it's worth asking your midwife or HV for a referral to the perinatal services.

Could you have a tick list that you go round with? Lock door, tick; dishwasher off, tick; etc etc? The baby sleeping on their back - get a video monitor. You have smoke alarms I assume? So you can relax about that.

I'm in the middle of talking therapy. Have you looked at the Worry tree? It's a bit of a battle to change the way you think. Every session I seem to find out my brain is doing another thing wrong. It's been quite eye opening.

It's tough, I'm the exact the same I have the checking issue too- I've got it down to just a few minutes each night now but having my son really exacerbated it. I felt this huge worry of something bad happening and it being my fault at night time.
I had some therapy, the main thing that helped was 'conscious checking' so I actually cleared my head and concentrated while checking. This doesn't work for everyone but also considering my non negotiable checks which were checking doors and cooker, and agreeing I could live with flooding the kitchen if I had missed that the tap was somehow running full blast with out anyone realising. I also took sertraline for a year or so which also helped.
Alot of this I'm sure is being worsened by having a baby and hopefully as things settle it will get a bit better- but do reach out to your GP for help!

Try this book break free from ocd by fiona challacombe. We found it really useful. A type of cbt therapy ERP exposure response prevention works really well. So if you are looking for therapy make sure thats what they are offering. You can recover from this, it might not always feel like it but with the right support and possibly medication its possible. Wish you all the best 💐

Medication: an SSRI ocd often benefits from the higher doses
CBT talking therapy that incorporates Exposure Response Prevention as a key aspect of the treatment
label your intrusive thoughts as OCD thoughts not truths and work on detachment from these thoughts
OCD is hard to overcome alone, so definitely seek treatment.

"I know the answer to reducing OCD checking behaviours is to simply fight the urge to check and deal with uncomfortable anxieties / think ‘so what’. It’s problematic because those solutions don’t work, because to me the checking is keeping us all (baby) safe."

I think you already know the answer here OP. You know, logically, that the checking isn't keeping you all safe, it's just making life harder... and things could get even worse as OCD can spiral if not addressed- this is already happening to you with needing more and more checks/photos.

The solution is to sit with the fear, force yourself not to check. Eventually this retrains your brain. However, this is much easier said than done. It's really worth seeking some help on this, there are lots of resources out there. The referral is a good idea, you could also seek out a book or online course. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is a good approach to start with - there are lots of books on this - although if there is underlying trauma involved, CBT can be a bit too simplistic and it's helpful to include trauma-specific therapeutic techniques too.

Please don't feel ashamed or "crazy", lots of us have been there, it's just an error mode that the brain can get into sometimes.