New partner being overly reassuring?

[letsstartagain3]

I am in a new relationship with someone who I have been seeing for seven months.

Prior to this, I was in a relationship for many years with a partner who was abusive and very controlling.

I have told my new partner quite a bit of what happened. The control was for many things including basic needs.

My new partner is lovely. Very kind and thoughtful and caring. It's all quite new to me to be honest to be with someone who is so considerate of my feelings and needs.

However, there is something that has been grating on me a little bit and I don't know if I am being unfair. I haven't mentioned this to my partner because I know there is no bad intention whatsoever.

If I say something, my partner can be overly reassuring.
An example of this is I brushed my teeth one night but then decided to eat something after.

I said "I'm going to have to brush my teeth again now"
To which my partner replied
"it's up to you. You don't have to. You can do whatever you want to do. They are your teeth and you can decide what you want to do".

This kind of thing has happened a few times. If I have said I need to make a decision on something, the response has been something like "you can decide whenever you're ready. There's no rush. Don't feel pressured into anything. You have to make sure it's something that you want and that it's right for you".

I can see that there is Care there, but it feels a little bit irritating to me sometimes.
I know I may be being unreasonable with this. But it just makes me feel a little bit uncomfortable.

Sounds like he's just reassuring you that you have agency over your own feelings and actions, and he doesn't in any way intend to trample over them.

Trying to be the absolute opposite of controlling IMO.

Erm wtf? You can't like him that much if this is bothering you.

Oh dear he’s being really OTT! It does sound irritating, he’s flexing what a good guy he is - but it obviously comes from the best place.

Next time he does it gently say, you really don’t have to say those reassurances and in fact when you say them it reminds me of my previous situation.

I would find that a bit annoying. It comes across like he thinks it's up to him to pronounce upon it. When obviously you weren't seeking his wise input on whether you should brush your teeth. It's a bit patronising, that's all.

They sound like replies you would receive in therapy if you wanted to examine your actions

Just talk to him. These things are almost certainly a reaction to hearing about your previous controlling relationship.
Tell him you love his thoughtfulness, but it’s a bit OTT to persistently reassure - you know he’s not the same as your ex, so he can behave more normally around you.