To think my manager is completely failing at her job - and that I deserve better?

[BluntLilacGuide]

My manager’s behaviour is unprofessional and careless, and honestly, borderline disrespectful. She gives the illusion of being involved, but in reality, she constantly drops the ball, shifts responsibility onto me, and fails to provide even the most basic managerial support. That’s not leadership - that’s avoidance dressed up as delegation.

She cancels meetings last minute (or doesn’t show up), ignores my emails, leaves me to figure things out alone in a brand-new role, and then expects flawless outcomes. It’s hypocritical and demoralising. Worse, when things fall through the cracks (as they naturally might when I’m unsupported), I’m the one left scrambling - not her.

She’s unreliable, passive-aggressive with her silence, and frankly not doing her job properly. This is a recurring pattern and it’s affecting my wellbeing and confidence.

AIBU to start looking for a new job and stop wasting my energy trying to “manage up?” I feel like I’ve given this situation more grace than it deserves.

The question really is why do you need strangers on the internet to give you permission to look for a new job?

Of course you can look for a new job. It is the logical thing to do when you don't like your current job and the manager that comes with it.

Fair - I don’t need permission. But sometimes when you’ve been gaslit or undermined in a toxic environment, it helps to sense-check your experience. When someone’s constantly shifting blame or under-supporting you, it can really wear down your confidence and make you second-guess things that should be obvious.

So yes, I’m looking, and yes, I know I don’t have to ask. But hearing from people who’ve been through similar does make a difference when you’ve been dealing with subtle dysfunction for a while.

Some people are managers of people and they don’t have anything else to do beyond people manage, other roles you end up with a team you are responsible for but also have all your own work to do along side managing them. I’m not saying it is ok, but she may well have a mountain of her own work to do which is why she can’t find time to reply to your emails.

I have always looked upon my roles as primarily being in place to make my managers job easier- if I am not doing that then I am failing. How many emails are you sending her asking how to do things? If she is leaving you to figure things out by yourself, is that because you can actually work it out, you just don’t want to?

If you are unhappy then of course leave.

I think you’ve misunderstood the situation a bit.

Of course I expect my manager to be busy - that’s the nature of senior roles. But being busy doesn’t excuse repeatedly cancelling meetings, ignoring emails for weeks, and consistently failing to provide basic guidance or follow-through in a new role. Delegation is fine; neglect is not. There’s a clear difference between trusting someone to work independently and leaving them to sink or swim without support or clarity - especially when they’re new.

And while I agree that good employees contribute to a manager’s success, that doesn’t mean we exist to “make their life easier” at the cost of our own wellbeing. That framing feels outdated and one-sided.

For the record, I’ve gone out of my way to problem-solve and take initiative. But when you’re navigating unclear processes, missing systems, and a lack of onboarding - all while being expected to deliver outcomes - some level of support is not unreasonable. It’s the bare minimum.

So yes, I’m considering leaving. Not because I don’t want to do the work but because I know I deserve a functional and respectful work environment. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.