I want to leave, but it’s so hard.

[Bear152]

It’s on the tip of my tongue to say it’s over, but every time I go to say the words I feel sick and I freeze. It’s been 12 years, and nothing changes. In his good moments life is amazing, but in the bad he drinks, he messages other women, talks to me disrespectful infront of our DD and honestly I can’t do this anymore. I know I have to go and I know I have some issues with saying goodbye. My mind plays tricks and reminds me of all the reasons to stay. I’m sick of it. I’m nervous about being a single parent, nervous of regret. Can anyone offer any advice please?

If you're married I'd get all the financials etc sorted first. Then tell him that you don't want the life you have now and so you'll be filing for divorce.

If you're not married then tell him you don't want to be a relationship with him anymore.

The only thing you will regret is staying out of fear.

I had a secret "note" in my phone where I'd write down all the bad stuff that my brain tried to blank out. It helped me be strong when I read it and remembered just how bad it was.

You need an exit plan.

If it's motivation you need. Look at how he treats you. The disrespect, the drinking. Is this what you want your daughter to see as acceptable in a relationship?

Show her that you do not accept such shite. Show her it's better to be single than in a crap relationship.

Do it for her.

Good luck

Thanks everyone.

Can anyone relate to that pure overwhelming fear?

Often the thought of it is worse than the reality.

If you stay nothing will get better. If you leave you have the chance to be happy and at peace.

Yes completely, and then you wish the next six months will hurry up whilst it all gets sorted. But I'm 8 years down the line, single, have a fab relationship with my DD and haven't looked back.

OP, if you take the fear out of the situation what would you do?

It’s a big leap,it’s natural to feel very anxious.

You don’t have to say goodbye,you can just leave one day.

There’s nothing wrong about being a single parent and as for regrets- what’s there to regret? The relationship is already done.

Don’t stay any longer than it’s necessary. By staying you’re modelling the relationship to your DD. Would you like her to stay in a relationship like yours?