To think my DP could be a bit more caring

[greentreesgrowing]

I’m not well, been ill all week, so past any contagious stage. Been tired, achy muscles, have hayfever too so snotty and generally run down. DP doesn’t live with me and has had his child for the past few days at his. Child is back at their mums from today but she has a party to go to so wants DP to have him again sat & sun.

I asked DP if he can come up, he could bring some food as I’ve not really had energy to cook. He’s said there’s no point as he’s getting his kid tomorrow - he lives half an hour away.

I’m hurt that he doesn’t see looking after me as something worth the effort. AIBU or just extra touchy?

Why do you need looking after?
Presumably with your cold, you've not needed surgery or similar?
Most people continue working, do the school run, walk their dogs etc with a cold, so I do think you're being unreasonable.
You're a grown adult. Order a takeaway (even pubs do them now so you could get a comforting sausage and mash), order a shop delivery or quickly nip to the shop if you have nothing in.
You have options!

Sounds very dramatic. You're not seriously ill, you're getting over a cold.
Surely you can cook something? Or order a takeaway?
Sounds like you don't think he should have his kid extra this weekend? Because you'd rather he looked after you?
Don't see he's done anything wrong.

If you can post on here you can use Deliveroo surely?

Of course I can order deliveroo etc, I wanted some tlc from my partner. He’s been off work this week so has had lots of time on his hands. Before he made plans to have his kid again today, he made it clear that coming to me was too much effort. That’s what hurts me. When he’s ill I’m there for him, I’ll drive over whatever the time and bring him what he needs without him having to ask me.

I do know my expectations are high and he obviously can’t meet them. I’ve replied back to him bluntly which he isn’t going to like and he’ll probably so silent on me for a couple of days - this time, I don’t care!!

OP you have struck mud here and triggered the mumsnet bat-shit signal where most posters will rush to explain to you that every woman is an island, alone to herself, and that she should need/want/expect nothing from her bf at all. He has better things to do than (ugh) nurture or care for her. The most you can hope for is a quick shag and the odd text.

Where has it been stated that she’s asking him to prioritise her over his child?

He’s not picking up his child until tomorrow

OP is this the first time he’s made zero effort? I’d wager ‘no’

Why would he want to see you when there's nothing in it for him? That's how I'd interpret that.

What is your business? If you have been ill could he not step up and take over rather than taking the time off?
I feel like your personal and professional lives have become muddled - which came first? How long have you been together?
I agree he doesn't really sound that fussed about you.

He isn't uncaring though....

If my dp behaved like that, I would find that uncaring. An hour round trip to visit op isn't a big deal.

I wouldn't be surprised if he thinks that you're ill and there won't be any sex so there's no point visiting.

OP my advice is this: if this isn’t a one off and he’s going to continue making you feel unseen and only visible when it suits him then don’t waste years of your life waiting for him to change: people don’t.

if it’s not working for you free up your time gif things and people that do

Yeah I agree with this. It's awful. I read a stat about how men are so so so likely to leave a terminally ill woman!

Of the two men I've been pregnant by am vulnerable and needed support from -

I've had a man who when I was dating him and he had a (corrective not vanity) nose job I was messaging him offering to bring food round etc and when I aborted a pregnancy he called he literally ghosted me

My child's father who had had a horrible penis injury the year before (we though he might lose some of it and not be able to have an erection again- luckily he recovered and it worked again but I stuck with him
Through all of it, the hospital, bringing him food every day, not knowing if we'd ever have sex again) and then when I was pregnant with his child he shouted at me when I was tired telling me I was lazy and then walked out when I was 8 months pregnant.

I've also had a man with a horrible