To be a bit sad over this? Or am I being silly.

[WiseFinch]

DB’s birthday today (a big one!). Various personal reasons but I was always a bit of second mum, my own mum checked out from parenting mentally about five or six years ago. I’m between jobs so living at home, have BF of 3 years who is increasingly distant recently - which is probably why I am being so daft over this.

Spent a good few hours this morning deep cleaning house, nobody noticed - standard, don’t expect much else. However this afternoon I tackled a complicated cake request from DB, I love to bake but it always looks homemade (because it is!) but I put my heart and soul into cooking.

DB’s girlfriend shows up tonight with a shop-bought but very beautiful cake; so nice of her to do that and it really did look amazing. I had some out of politeness and it was good. Now everybody is drinking alcohol (I do drink but not in the house) and not a second thought to my cake. Not a single person acknowledged it, except DB who said he was too full to eat another thing.

I know how silly I am being here! But I am still a bit disappointed that the shop bought cake got way more attention than the one that took me all afternoon. Mine isn’t pretty but it is made with love (and cost me a not insignificant amount in ingredients!). I think this is just teenage boys and their girlfriends! But still a bit sad. I know AIBU but someone needs to knock some sense into me !!

Homemade cake is the best.

Shop bought cake is shite. All fur coat and no knickers.

Hahaha thanks, that’s made me feel a bit better! This cake was lovely though to be fair on GF, I think it was from a bakery rather than a supermarket! I felt a bit upstaged which is totally ridiculous 😂 if she was on here I can see her writing the same thread about me and my flipping homemade cake 😂 hers was lovely. But thank you!!

I'd be gutted if I spent hours making a cake and then somebody swept in with a shop one.

I think sometimes if you want people to notice something or make a big deal out of something, you need to big it up yourself. Did you try to ‘sell’ the cake to anyone? Ask them to try it? Say it took you the whole afternoon?

Same as the cleaning, I frequently bang on about it if I’ve done a deep clean, just so others will notice it and not take it for granted! Almost like rubbing it in their faces? (‘have you noticed how sparkly the sink is today, I’m really pleased with how it turned out’ or ‘don’t get crumbs on the carpet, I just did a proper hoover of that!’)

Worst thing about the whole situation is even I haven’t tried my own cake! I figured it’s not my birthday so not my turn to cut it! Hoping it’s not stale by the morning and I might just say fuck it and have a slice…😂

Hmmm, I suppose I didn’t. I don’t care about the cleaning, I don’t want to live in a dirty house so I clean on my days off from (very!) part time job as everyone else works. So that doesn’t bother me so much. I didn’t sell the cake as such because I wanted to do the whole candles, happy birthday song etc. If I bake normally it’s out on the table and everyone has some (and usually says it’s good!) Just on this occasion I haven’t. But yes you are right about that.

If DB requested the cake then wasn’t full of gratitude then he’s an ungrateful, thoughtless twat.

Im nit sure if you were hosting but if yiu were I would have cut the cake that you had made during the party to eat then sent guests home with a slice of the GF’s cake.

Aww, you sound like a very loving DSis and I'm sure he massively appreciates everything you've done for him over the years 🥰

It's totally to be expected he'd be excited over the cake gf brought though. It's thrilling to be an in love teenager, and he'll be bursting with happiness that she brought a cake.

Very rude of your brother to have requested the cake and then rejected it. I’d be pointing that out to him in the morning.

I’d have done the same- save the best for last 😬🤣- seriously maybe they kept the nicer cake that you made for themselves.

Definitely this! I totally get it. And it would’ve been really rude to not have a slice of the one she brought before I dropped her home!! Thoughtless but that’s teenagers! 😂

Ah it wasn’t a party or anything! Just immediate family plus DB girlfriend. We live together so not like I could send them all packing (wish I could😂)

I don’t understand why you are martyring yourself needlessly, and hoping for acknowledgement that doesn’t happen. Everyone living in the house should be pulling their weight in terms of cleaning, and if your brother asked you to make a complicated cake, you should make sure it’s noted and appreciated, regardless of what anyone else brings. You may be a ‘second mother’, but that doesn’t involve being some kind of silent martyr figure. Time to ditch the distant boyfriend and focus on you.

Not martyring at all - I know how silly I’m being! I am working very part time shifts at the moment as I’m between jobs and living rent free (as I’ve not got any money!), so I do a fair amount of the housework and cooking which I think is justifiable.
I get more than enough time to focus on me which I think is the issue! Being out of work and BF who works away = loneliness. I don’t think being single would make me any less lonely. But I do get where you’re coming from completely, and its definitely good advice, it’s just not 100% applicable to me!

Ohhh, OP, I'm hurting for you..what a lovely, lovely sister you are. Totally not unreasonable to feel hurt, and you're being very, very charitable about g/f's cake, too. Full Marks for being thoroughly nice!
Allow yourself some chagrin about this.

Also, if you've got a truly airtight tin, it'll last a good 5 days, if not longer.
Otherwise, cut it up ( having first had a slice yourself, OBVIOUSLY...) and freeze each slice individually; it'll last for ages and may even taste better

Op you sound so incredibly nice. Your brother is lucky he's got you. I wonder if he was concerned about upsetting or disappointing his girlfriend who seems to have made some effort to get him a nice cake as well and therefore ignored yours knowing that you wouldn't hold it against him? A lot of people tend to take family for granted. Or maybe he was just thoughtless. My own brother is lovely and very caring but I can totally imagine him failing to appreciate the effort someone has made for him.

Having said that I'd be hurt too and probably annoyed as well.

Cut the cake tomorrow and as a pp said don't be too humble about it. Sometimes people just don't know how much time or effort something takes. Nothing wrong with letting them know. In fact they might feel happy to think that you care so much.

A bit thoughtless of the girlfriend to bring a cake really, she couldn't have text a quick 'hey did you get X a cake? I'm thinking of bringing one!' I'm guessing this was a young 'big' birthday (21). I can understand your hurt, make a big deal of it tomorrow...make sure you and DB eat it for breakfast together! 🥳🎂

Awww... What a shame but it sounds as though your cake wasn't on the table ? I tell you what though, I'd have had a slice of both !
Your such a lovely sister, I'm positive that's what brother thinks too.

Your brother sounds like a selfish, thoughtless twat tbh! He knew you were making a cake. He also should’ve told his girlfriend so that she didn’t bring one.

You are responsible for your own feelings. You are choosing to feel slighted when no disrespect or thoughtlessness was intended. Your brothers gf didn’t know you’d baked. She did a nice thing. He acknowledged your cake just was too full. I totally understand why he chose and you chose to eat the bought cake. That was the right thing to do. Yours will keep. I seriously question why people think your brother is rude. This is all very normal behaviour. Even you feeling a bit meh about your cake is normal. But recognise no malice intended and sort your feelings appropriately. No need for this drama.

Dear OP, you have serious self-esteem issues, presumably owing to your mother's rejection, and your BF's coolness, your lack of a full-time job, feeling a little unsettled and rootless, and that your only role at present is that of mother/housekeeper. You have had that role undermined by another woman doing the nurturing, and so you have "disappeared". Just as so many mothers do, with thoughtless and thankless teenagers. As others have said "mothers" give way to first love, and I bet he was overwhelmed by the GF's gesture (which was very kind and meant well, I'm sure). It's never too late to learn manners and consideration, however.

Rather than having too much time to think about your situation, can you find something that will get you out and give you a feeling of achievement? OU or night classes, learning to cook, paint, anything that will build your confidence? You sound a lovely young woman but you need to value yourself a great deal more. You are "Worth It"!