Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think she should work for her career

10 replies

LovelyGrandma · 03/04/2025 22:15

I’m a mum and a grandparent with three daughters. The oldest and youngest are both very successful in their careers and managing well. My middle daughter, however, has me feeling frustrated lately.

She worked hard to get a degree and a master’s, and I thought she would take off in her career. But after meeting her husband, she seemed to falter. She decided to work in a low-paid, minimum wage job with no real career progression, which has been really disappointing to watch. Even though she’s now married, she relies on me a lot support, whereas the other two daughters, who are single parents, manage and are grateful when we help them out.

Since my daughter met her husband, she hasn’t made any strides in her career, and I can’t help but feel sad for her. She’s got a master’s degree, but she’s now stuck in a job that requires no skills, earning next to nothing.

I also feel like it’s time for her husband to step up with the grandkids. I’ve always been the one to step in for things like inset days and school holidays, but he hasn’t once taken annual leave where theres an illness day or inset etc.

My youngest daughter is 6 years younger than her sister and has a daughter who she raised alone since birth. I can tell she's probably annoyed at how much support we give to her sister and husband and their kids, and she feels it's unfair because she's taken the time to build her career and do it herself alone. My other daughter will call upon my husband and I to mind the kids so she get her nails done and I know she finds it irritating and makes it known.

Its hard because I feel pulled in all directions and I love my kids all equally but I don't know what's best.

OP posts:
ZippyDoodle · 03/04/2025 22:28

She has made a choice to work in a minimum wage job and you need to accept that. At the end of the day it’s not really your business to advise her. You also may not be aware of the full story behind it all.

Mmmkaay · 03/04/2025 22:32

It's hard to know what you're asking - has she expressed that she wants a career, or are you just resentful that she's using you for childcare while she gets her nails done? If she has an agreement with her husband that she won't work that's up to her but you don't need to facilitate her beauty appointments.

AlanShore · 03/04/2025 22:34

My other daughter will call upon my husband and I to mind the kids so she get her nails done and I know she finds it irritating and makes it known.

And how do you feel about this?
Have you spoken to your dd re your disappointment with her life?

TerrifiedPassenger · 03/04/2025 22:35

I am the younger sister in your family dynamic. Single parent, always been stubbornly self-reliant whilst my married sibling has my parents dropping everything to pick up their unbelievably crap parenting organisation.

It really boils my piss that my mum knows I am struggling with every. fucking. thing and can never switch off from work/parenting but my sibling has a partner and they still can't juggle anything between them. Right down to the nail appointments.

It's damaged my relationship with my parents and my sibling. All for the sake of my mum saying no occasionally - sort it out between you for once.

MadamePeriwinkle · 03/04/2025 22:35

Has it occurred to you your middle daughters husband may be controlling/abusive or just plain useless/lazy and that's why she relies on you so much?

Silvertulips · 03/04/2025 22:43

Just because she asks, doesn’t mean you have to step in. Try not stepping in!

Youve taken away her independence and her ability to think outside the box and work it out for herself.

If you weren’t there she’d have to cancel her appointment - nobody would die.

Jellycatspyjamas · 03/04/2025 22:45

Have you tried just saying no to requests for childcare etc? No point in being unhappy about your daughters domestic arrangements if you’re facilitating domestic of it.

PizzaPunk · 03/04/2025 22:49

Other people's careers aren't really anything to do with you I'm afraid, even if they are your offspring.

If you feel she's taking the piss with the childcare then you may need to step back a bit and hopefully her husband will step up.

Samora · 04/04/2025 00:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

HeddaGarbled · 04/04/2025 00:50

he hasn’t once taken annual leave where theres an illness day or inset etc

I suspect this is the problem. It’s hard to have a career and family with an unsupportive spouse.

You’ve identified that it’s when she met him that she took her foot off the pedal.

It might change when the children are older. I know lots of women, myself included, whose careers flourished from their 40s on.

In the meantime, you shouldn’t provide any more support than you want to, and you should certainly ensure that your other daughters get fair dibs.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread