Actually.. am I insane?

[JJ1992]

Right so,

I was at the park today with my son. Being school holidays, it was busy.
I glanced over at a (?) Grandfather / dad/ male relative with two children, a boy about 9 and a girl around 7, he was helping the girl on the climbing frame and I really felt the way his hand was holding her was inappropirate.. his hand was in-between her legs and he was either pushing up or her weight was fully down on his hand. She was wearing a skirt which is irrelevant but made it look worse
( his hand wasn't up her skirt).
She was up high and definitely would've needed help but the way he was holding her really unsettled me. I kept watching after that because i had to make sure this kid wasnt in danger ... he continued to help her on different climbing frames and then she played with her brother for a while, he was nearby and just on his phone.

I was sure I heard her call him dad too, but he looked far too old to be her dad, he was defintiely at least in his 60s.

When I first noticed, I really felt like I didn't know what to do, how do you help a child you think might be in a risky situation like that?

Does anyone else think it is weird to touch a kid in that way?

I hate that my mind automatically thinks the worst in these situations.

Would love to think that these things never happen but unfortunately they do and predators can be opportunistic.

I think it's your mind that is unreasonable.

My husband is 60 and our kids are younger than this kid, and he is frequently at the park with them by himself because he is their dad! Not everyone wants to put their feet up with a pipe and slippers when they turn 50 😅

You find the idea of an older father more unlikely than a random child abuser groping a child in public, having somehow persuaded her to call him “Dad” first?

To give a bit more context : she said a name at one point then said ' no I mean daddy' which is where me questioning if it was her dad came from.
I think the name she said by mistake was her brothers name though because she kept saying it later.

I was concerned enough to pay close attention after I saw her climbing , the more attention I paid the less concerned I was but I still just felt a bit uncomfortable with it.

I think it's not your business in first place. Even if it had been sinister, what could you realistically have done about it? Confront a total stranger? Call the police? The girl would not have been saved from abuse by another mum noticing something weird on the playground and then gossiping online to thousands of strangers about it.

This honestly sounds like pure rubbernecking and wanting to speculate in a nasty way about sinister situations that don't affect you personally. 1 in 5 children are abused so it's not that rare at all. There are loads of kids in your children's class and kids you know who are going through CSA. Whether this was happening to the girl at the playground is debatable but opening a MN thread won't bring actual justice to anyone.

I don’t think the age is that unusual, my friend married a man a fair bit older and he’s in his 60s with a 7yo and a 3yo and is incredibly active and hands-on. So that wouldn’t be odd to me.

Also I’m pretty sure both DH and I have ended up doing the same manoeuvre when DD1 has needed help climbing (and to the PP asking why a child needs a boost, she needs help as she has dyspraxia and struggles with gross motor but likes to climb stuff just like other kids do). So I don’t think it would have really registered with me as an issue.

Just opening a conversation about when you act on these things and whether it is likely to have been anything sinister or not... I think that's okay?

I don’t think you are being unreasonable. Surely whoever it was can see how that would look to outsiders. He could have pushed her bottom up. I myself am a survivor of Csa though so maybe look at things differently. I’m not saying the man was a predator but from experience a predator would use that opportunity to get thrills while looking innocent.

maybe because of what I went through as a child I do tend to watch behaviour and don’t understand why people can’t see their behaviour could be seen as inappropriate but again my mind works differently now.

I think you’re massively overreacting and jumping to conclusions here. It’s so easy to get yourself in slightly awkward positions trying to help your gremlins on clinging frames etc and she called him dad so your disbelief that he was her dad because he’s ‘too old’ seems rather silly! There are a great many older dads around, my uncle, for example, is 61 and has a four year old plus a handful of primary age stepkids as well, and I don’t think he’s unique by any stretch.
With all that being said, bystanders being vigilant and aware of their surroundings isn’t necessarily a bad thing!

My then early 40s (but grey) DH was called Grandpa by "Father Christmas" at a school fair a couple of years ago... 🤣

OP - you asked us were you insane, an extreme heading,
leading to a vigilante view of a Dad hoisting his child up the apparatus ?
Neither are okay.

Abuse happens in private not in full view of a playground of other parents

even if he is abusing her , I am not sure what you can do about it ?

bit agest too

Yeah it is a bit agest I appoligise for that..

I do feel some people commenting are a bit naive though ... Im pretty sure abuse can happen anywhere and it isn't always a 'random abuser' from what I know it's often a family member or close family friend..

It's easy to think that way , it sounds like he was just giving her a boost, he probably had his hand round her thigh?? Rather than over her privates I'd imagine?

You seem to be determined to be right about this.

Definitely sounds like just a butt shove. Also, remember nicknames stick. My son could never say grandad but he could say dada, and his dada will now forever and always be called dada 🤣

People who don’t sexualise children tend not to pay much attention to which part of the child is being shoved when they are heavy and just want you to get them up the frame. There’s nothing sexual about it.

And abusers don’t tend to do it in a park full of parents. They can do it in the privacy of their own homes.

Here's hoping all was fine and I just misjudged.

Out of interest how old are you Op?

I'm 32

I do push my daughters up climbing frames with one hand between the legs pretty often, I think my husband would feel weird doing it though to be honest. When toilet training the eldest he felt it looked wrong if he touched her crotch (on top of leggings) to see if she had had an accident.
Hopefully it was innocent but it’s good you are looking out to protect other children OP, as you are right abuse isn’t just behind closed doors.

I fully disagree with this. If a child is being abused at home their only way out is an external person noticing and speaking up.
I'm not saying this is what I saw but it is not 'sexualising' the child to notice inapropriate behaviour from an adult.
Clearly the debate here is whether it was inappropriate or not.

edit: sorry just read your comment again and I think I misunderstood !